Lucas12 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 As the title suggests I’m in quite a predicament. Long story short, I’ve fallen for a married woman and we’ve been seeing each other for a year now. Even though it's tough we manage to be with each other every week, and spend days together a couple times a month when her husband is away on business trips. Yes, I’m tired of the waiting and hiding game. So again I had a talk with her about leaving her husband and moving in with me. She keeps saying she will because she despises him and only married him out of pressure from her parents. Thankfully, they have no children but she doesn’t want to destroy the relationship she has with her family and friends, since her husband and his family are very close to her family. Her husband is also wealthy; she works too, but he controls a majority of the assets and she doesn’t make nearly as much as he does. This makes her very nervous to leave him since it will really spotlight how she’s been cheating on him. Especially considering she has no other grounds for leaving him aside from her unhappiness, something which she has hidden from her parents as well. Knowing all this I expressed to her that I love her and am willing to support her and everything. Still she is fearful to break away. But now there’s another problem… She has befriended a guy who she told me is attracted to her. I learned of their friendship a couple months ago when she mentioned meeting up with him and his friends at a party. She told me everything she knows about him and made it clear to him that she was in a relationship with me. He initially approached her as a friend, but then got aggressive and was very persistent she says. So I demanded that she put him in his place and tell him to back off. Ultimately he seemed upset that she wouldn’t sleep with him and stopped talking to her and inviting her out. But I’m suspicious that they are communicating again, since I made our usual plans to go out last weekend, but she declined saying she had to visit a nameless ‘family friend’ and gave no further details about it. This is strange considering she tells me about her family, friends, and work all the time. Plus, I notice she hasn’t deleted or blocked him off her friends list on Facebook, twitter, etc. and he sometimes ‘likes’ things on her pages or re-tweets her posts. I don’t even know what to do. I love her and I want for us to be together and that’s tough enough. Why would she bring another man into the mix? What should I do?
TigerCub Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I think the fact that you suspect her of lying to you and bringing another man into the mix should really speak to you about the kind of relationship you'll have if she ever leaves her H. Doesn't seem like you'd trust her - with good reason too. Do you really want this woman to leave her H for you so that you can forever live in fear of who she'll cheat on you with? 5
alexandria35 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Well first of all she is not leaving her husband. She likes his money and doesn't want to tarnish her image. That's not going to change. As for the new guy...lol...no way in hell did she tell him about her relationship with you. As if she said "oh I can't possibly cheat on my husband with you because I'm already cheating on him with Lucas" If she wants to keep her husbands money and perserve her image with her family and friends, then she is definitely not telling other guys about her affair with you, especially not a pushy agressive guy like she described him to you. Whats to stop him from blabbing her affair with you to everyone he knows including their mutual friends which in turn could get back to her family? You think she would take that risk given what she told you about her family and needing her husband's income? Nooo, she's not that stupid. She brought the new guy into the mix because she is bored with her rich husband. She craves excitement but she's not going to leave him, so she finds her excitement outside of her marriage. For a while you provided enough excitement but perhaps that's all getting a little boring now too, so she brings in another person to up the excitement. 3
2sunny Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Why don't YOU require more decency for YOURSELF? She's using you - lying about you - and a gal who causes harm to those she CLAIMS to love! You deserve better - NEVER settle! Dump her now! She's a cake eater!!! 1
SomedayDig Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 The irony is outrageous with this one. Do you have the financial ability to provide her with her "normal" perks? Do you have the "prestige" it seems her husband does? If not, then sorry...but there's no way she's leaving him. You know this but probably don't want to admit it to yourself. Oh, well. As for the irony of you worrying about her seeing someone else ~ I really don't have anything to say about that. Just a tad comical in a sense given the situation. Like begets like. She's a cheater. You're a cheater. Do you honestly think she's not gonna keep her little fun going with others besides you? 2
MissBee Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 A good relationship requires two people wanting to be there, fully choosing each other and wanting to do what they can to be with each other and make it work. That said, if you're the one who has to coerce her to leave her husband, and she's not the one racking her brain to do so or volunteering to do so -you're already on the wrong path and not on equal footing. You shouldn't have to do that. She already brought another man into the mix with her husband, so it's not very crazy and out of character that she'd yet add another. Perhaps she likes having her options open.... In any case, this relationship doesn't seem very hopeful and doesn't seem to be built on anything strong, neither does it seem to be going anywhere. So perhaps you need to rethink why you're doing this and potentially moving on with your life. There are plenty of women who want ONE man, who don't have husbands and multiple boyfriends or admirers that they encourage....you should probably try to find one of those and leave this one be. 2
East7 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) Yes, I’m tired of the waiting and hiding game. So again I had a talk with her about leaving her husband and moving in with me. She keeps saying she will because she despises him and only married him out of pressure from her parents. Thankfully, they have no children but she doesn’t want to destroy the relationship she has with her family and friends, since her husband and his family are very close to her family. Her husband is also wealthy; she works too, but he controls a majority of the assets and she doesn’t make nearly as much as he does. This makes her very nervous to leave him since it will really spotlight how she’s been cheating on him. Especially considering she has no other grounds for leaving him aside from her unhappiness, something which she has hidden from her parents as well. Knowing all this I expressed to her that I love her and am willing to support her and everything. Still she is fearful to break away. But now there’s another problem… She has befriended a guy who she told me is attracted to her. I learned of their friendship a couple months ago when she mentioned meeting up with him and his friends at a party. She told me everything she knows about him and made it clear to him that she was in a relationship with me. Wow..you have found a real keeper She acts the total opposite of what she says to you. She "despises" her H but she can't leave. She has no children but she can't leave. She is "loyal" to you as OM but she enjoys being pursued by other OM. Gosh..you have got more red flags than the entire Red Army marching in Moscow. Do you think that if she was so miserable as she claims she would still be there ? Do you think she really cares about you ? She sounds like craving attention of other men, plain bored married woman.. If you want to save yourself from bigger deceptions and headaches, RUN the hills ! Edited June 18, 2012 by East7 2
Author Lucas12 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Damn. Damn, damn, damn... Thanks for the advice.
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Damn. Damn, damn, damn... Thanks for the advice. Sadly for you, she isn't going to leave her husband. All reasons listed above. And more.. She does love him, but she will never admit that to you. Notice how you only bad stuff about her husband? Look, people get divorced all the time, reguardless of how close they are to their in laws. He can still be friends with his in laws if a divorce happens.. She has made him out to be the bad guy here, when in fact SHE is the bad guy since she is cheating on him and leading you on. yes, she is. She is playing you (not malicously, but selfishly.) SHe will not move in with you. If she wanted to, she would just come clean to her husband and leave. Divorce. She is happy enough with the affair as it is. A year affair. To you this affair is much more, she is your everything. Stop putting her first and live your own life. Detach and get the courage to end it with her! you deserve better and more, but you won't ever get that from her. She can offer you fun and sex, whatever else IN an affair setting. that's it. 2
East7 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Oh and another thing: you are only helping her to stay married ! She has the best of both worlds : a husband, status, security, no children to take care...and on the other hand a lover, hot sex, thrill and aventures. Life is great for her. She has it all ! Ask yourself WHY would she divorce? She will only give you lame excuses to keep you on the loop. 3
scatterd Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I would be real careful with this one she is not being as completely honest as you think.I have to go to an apt. now I wanted to post a new story of my cousins wife getting caught cheating with the OM but I will later.She lied to him about everything and she went from another man to another OM.If your OW really wanted to move on she would, no matter the loss.It sounds like maybe she is looking for someone else that has money like her husband.That guy would not have been able to befriend her the way he did if she was totally loyal to you.Do some reading here you will find lots of story's of OM and OW being lied to and hurt.The cost is high.Good Luck.
spice4life Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 "More red flags than the red army marching in Moscow." ...lol! Good one east7. Lucas, there are only three things you need to know. 1. She will never leave her husband for you. 2. She fed you a bunch of Oscar Meyer bolongna. 3. Of course she will bring another guy into the picture, she is a cheater. Enough said, sadly. Do yourself a favor and either dump her cheating *ss fast or drop all the relationship notions about her leaving her husband and use her back...like she is using you.
Quiet Storm Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 From what you've described, I think that your married woman needs external validation and craves male attention. You are probably not the first guy she cheated with and you won't be the last. Her issues are not situational or circumstantial. She has character issues that will follow her no matter who's she's with. She will blame all her faults and flaws on others, but that's because she has no insight into her own behavior. Regardless of her compatibility with her husband, an emotionally healthy woman would address those issues in a healthy If she truly loved you, she'd leave him. Most cheating wives would happily leave for the OM, but they often have children keeping them there or a married affair partner that won't leave his wife. If her love and passion for you isn't worth a few uncomfortable conversations with her family, that should tell you where her heart is.
nofool4u Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 As the title suggests I’m in quite a predicament. Long story short, I’ve fallen for a married woman and we’ve been seeing each other for a year now. Even though it's tough we manage to be with each other every week, and spend days together a couple times a month when her husband is away on business trips. Yes, I’m tired of the waiting and hiding game. So again I had a talk with her about leaving her husband and moving in with me. She keeps saying she will because she despises him and only married him out of pressure from her parents. Thankfully, they have no children but she doesn’t want to destroy the relationship she has with her family and friends, since her husband and his family are very close to her family. Bulls***. Thats an excuse, and a piss poor one at that. She has no kids with him and if she wanted out, her excuse doesn't hold water. My guess is she doesn't despise him, and pressure from her parents didn't make her marry him. I think she is feeding you a line of bull because she doesn't want to be seen as someone who is simply out to cheat. By telling you the bull she has been telling you, she is hoping you don't think badly of her. She wants you to think she has a good "reason" to cheat, even though there isn't a good reason. Bottom line, she doesn't have kids with this guy, therefore she has no excuse not to leave. She stays married because she doesn't want to get divorced. Her husband is also wealthy; she works too, but he controls a majority of the assets and she doesn’t make nearly as much as he does. This makes her very nervous to leave him since it will really spotlight how she’s been cheating on him. If she despises him, why does she care if a spotlight is put on her cheating on him? Again, she is full of sh** Especially considering she has no other grounds for leaving him aside from her unhappiness, something which she has hidden from her parents as well. Knowing all this I expressed to her that I love her and am willing to support her and everything. Still she is fearful to break away. Either she doesn't despise him like she says, or she doesn't want to lose her lifestyle. But now there’s another problem… She has befriended a guy who she told me is attracted to her. I learned of their friendship a couple months ago when she mentioned meeting up with him and his friends at a party. She told me everything she knows about him and made it clear to him that she was in a relationship with me. He initially approached her as a friend, but then got aggressive and was very persistent she says. So I demanded that she put him in his place and tell him to back off. Ultimately he seemed upset that she wouldn’t sleep with him and stopped talking to her and inviting her out. But I’m suspicious that they are communicating again, since I made our usual plans to go out last weekend, but she declined saying she had to visit a nameless ‘family friend’ and gave no further details about it. This is strange considering she tells me about her family, friends, and work all the time. Plus, I notice she hasn’t deleted or blocked him off her friends list on Facebook, twitter, etc. and he sometimes ‘likes’ things on her pages or re-tweets her posts. So basically you are sleeping with her behind her husband's back, and now you are the jealous one when she is communicating with guy she knows wants her. Does it sting a little? Are you sure this is the kind of woman you want? One that cheats and befriends guys that want in her pants? And I'd bet that something has happened between her and this guy. I don’t even know what to do. I love her and I want for us to be together and that’s tough enough. Why would she bring another man into the mix? Because thats what she is, untrustworthy. What should I do? Cut your losses and realize you deserve better than a cheating, bullsh** feeding woman. Even though you have no qualms about helping betray a fellow man.
RickFox Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 She's full of crap. You were her boy toy. She got bored with you because she saw you were serious about her now she's done with you and has found a new play thing. Bring the pain. She ain't leaving him for you.
FelicityShot Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Some people are all about writing it up and saying what went down. They want to cast someone as the evil doer, and themselves as the fool, or are worried about the possibilities. They the fool, or not. This story makes me think it's not really the right question.
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