doormats - define

[ilovedhim]

Picasso is quoted as saying there are only two types of women- doormats and goddesses.

 

I'd like to get opinions on what/when you would consider someone your dating to be a doormat?

Edited June 18, 2012 by ilovedhim
misspelling

[Philosoraptor]

Someone who does not stick to their beliefs and boundaries, but instead allows themselves to bend for another person is a doormat. It works this way for both genders.

[hechicera]

Oh do I know about being a doormat Someone who would let people step over them without making a peep... and worse of all coming back for more.

[thatone]

Someone who does not stick to their beliefs and boundaries, but instead allows themselves to bend for another person is a doormat. It works this way for both genders.

 

it's more complicated than that, every thinking person's beliefs and behaviors change at points in their life (teenager to 20s, 20s to 30s, etc.)

 

non thinking people's behaviors do not change, they just repeat patterns. and if their pattern includes being taken advantage of in their relationships, they are...ding ding...a doormat.

[Philosoraptor]

People do change, we are all in constant growth. But changing for yourself is much different than changing for someone else.

 

If you set boundaries and allow someone to cross them without having any consequences you are a doormat.

[FitChick]

Some people like being victims. That's the only way they can get attention.

[thatone]

Some people like being victims. That's the only way they can get attention.

 

and there's no shortage of people who exploit victimhood for personal gain.

 

if you have trouble finding a relationship to be a victim in you can turn to the church and they'll give you centuries of guilt and victimhood to ponder and participate in. if that's not your cup of tea you can find a politician that'll tell you you're being victimized by another politician, all he needs is your vote and your money to put a stop to it. of course you'll need the money first, so you can go get a job working 60 to 70 hours a week while getting paid for 39.5, all while hoping your boss will like you and make it better if you agree with him. in your few hours not sleeping or working you can flip on the news and they'll tell you all about how there are shady characters around every street corner waiting to victimize you, just to keep you on the right path.

 

The lunatics are in the hall

The lunatics are in my hall

The paper holds their folded faces to the floor

And every day the paper boy brings more

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon

And if there is no room upon the hill

And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

[carhill]

I personally haven't dated anyone I'd consider a 'doormat', at least with me, but perhaps my style of interaction doesn't lend itself to attracting or activating doormat behaviors.

 

I would say my own experiences of giving dating partners, girlfriends and my exW the 'benefit of the doubt' approached doormat behavior, in that they didn't smack the concrete wall of my boundaries and feel the pain, rather were treated more with kid gloves and an effort to understand their perspective. Getting divorced largely ended that era.

 

I think the main roadblock to a healthy middle ground stems back to early emotional memories of physical and verbal assaults by my peers as a young person. For myself, it's a short distance from gentle and understanding to drilling them into the ground for fertilizer. I don't have much patience with bullies and ego-centric people, both of whom are well known for taking advantage of human gentleness and frailty. The look they get from me is one of figuring out how to take them out. Unhealthy, sure, but truth. Amazingly effective.