Radagast Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Last night my wife and I watched David Tennant in the first of the True Love dramas. He plays a happily married man, Nick, who is confronted with the return of his first love, Serena, has a brief affair and considers leaving it all to run off with her to start again, but chooses in the end to return to his wife and family. It was brilliantly acted. My wife was a little surprised to hear me plumping for Nick to resist the temptation of Serena and stay faithful to Ruth, and later, after they consummate their simmering passion and discuss running away together, to return to Ruth. She'd assumed I'd relate to the "wanting to run away and start again" scenario, given that I'd done something not dissimilar myself. I was a little surprised, myself. It wasn't just because Ruth the wife was lovelier, slimmer, blonde and reminded me very much of my own wife. It was because the marriage was portrayed as very obviously happy. He knew how lucky he was. Why would he leave such a good thing for something risky, a woman who ran out on him decades before? I suppose we were both surprised at how quickly and readily I identified with the happy marriage, the wanting to stay with a good thing. My past as a man willing to "jump ship" to follow his heart seems to belong to another life. My heart is here now, with my wife, and I can't relate to wanting to leave her or even to touch another woman, however attractive that other woman might be. Which got me wondering, for those who have been in affairs in whatever role, how comfortable are you now watching films or shows where infidelity is portrayed, especially if you watch it with your partner? How readily do you identify with "your role" (unfaithful spouse, betrayed spouse, affair partner etc) as portrayed? Do you find yourself hoping to see your own choices affirmed by the outcome of the film? Or have you put your own experience so far behind you that it feels like it happened to someone else?
Owl Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I don't normally watch a lot of TV or movies...and don't normally care for how Hollywood portrays infidelity to begin with. I honestly think it's where a lot of folks get their 'misconceptions' that lead to infidelity in the first place...they let media convince them that it's ok/harmless/painless to the people they claim to love. For a few years after d-day, watching anything to do with infidelity was painful to me, given that I'd been betrayed in that fashion. Now...I see it, but to me it's all such a bunch of media...'fluff'...that I just don't bother to respond/react to it at all anymore. 1
Betrayed&Stayed Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I change the channel or turn it off once I foresee "adultery/affair" in the plot.
Leigh 87 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I am in my mid 20's and have not experienced such hearbreak or giant leapes of faith - leaving a partner for someone else. I do not think it is in me to do, actually! Although not experienced myself, I do tend to think of what I would do personally. I think what I would do in the movie, and what I feel is the best outcome, VS what actually happens. You know - if the guy is erally better suited to the other women and the marriage is not rock solid and happy - I would be screaming " mann, have the decency to leave your wife first!" As in that movie, where the marriage is happy, I would ask questions: can a man in love cheat? Because he can cheat, surely he should not be really in love with his wife? Such a movie causes me to ask questions.
secretlady76 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I watched it! It was well researched. It was realistically ackward, non-verbally intense, no rose tinted glasses. It was true to form. Roll on tonights episode! 1
MissBee Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I don't really have any strong, personal reactions to it based on myself or my experience. I don't even remember in my daily life that I had an A...save for when I discuss it on here. However, my mom is currently in the throes of the drama between my dad and his latest philandering, and that does affect me and is something present, so usually if I hear a song or there is a movie about a philandering father or even husband and wife, I think of my parents or my dad and it does upset me sometimes. I then think of what I'd want my own dad to do or not do.
MissBee Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 This is most likely due to a common gender difference in attitudes towards infidelity. Men are MUCH more likely than women, either as the WS or an OM, to view an affair as simply a fling or a bang--some fun on the side. Whereas it is more likely that a woman, either an OW or WW, will attempt to justify the affair as being due to finding one's "soulmate," true love, or the like. Therefore your wife can't understand why someone could have an affair yet want to remain married, and NOT run away with the affair partner, because as a woman, she's far more likely to justify infidelity based on having found "true love." The fact that in real life you actually may have done the run-away thing doesn't change the general bias according to gender. This makes a lot of sense.
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