How do I know I can trust him again, for sure?

[confusedasever]

So, I have been here before. Not sure exactly what for.

 

Anyway, I am now engaged to a man I met online 2 1/2 years ago. The first 2 years we were supposedly with only each other, He told me he loved me and I said it too. But, he traveled for work and I only seen him maybe 2 times a week when he was home. There was a stretch there while he was in NJ for 4 months that I seen him a total of 4 times. (He flew me there once and he came home the other 3 times) He never called, maybe 1 time a week and maybe text 1 time a week.

I am no idiot. I knew things weren't as he said, not that he said he was being faithful, but he never said he wasn't. It was just implied. When I was out there, he asked if I had brought condoms. I didn;t. Well he said good thing he happened to haveone in his bag. God I get sick just remembering that. He was a total ass while I was out there too. I was surprised by the way he treated me. I was for durely breaking up with him. But, I didn't. (DUMMY)

So, he comes home, we continue to be together saying I love you, blah blah. I then tell him that I am not happy in the relationship and suggest we see other people. He didn't want to do that. So I said start acting like a BF then. He said he would start calling me daily. The next day he calls me. The minute I get off the phone I get online and get an instant mesage from him as I disguised myself as someone else online. ( I had come across an ad on the dating site so I made a profile) He is such a PIGGGGGGGGGG!

He sends a pic and its him. I wasn't even all that shocked. I was like OK. I talked for a few minutes asking questions etc...Then I said I had to go, I couldnt take it anymore. I then confronted him, told him to take the phone he had given me and leave me alone. Of course, he begged for forgiveness. UGH. I fricken forgave him.

He continued to lie. I knew this because I am no idiot. So I set him up again (a few months later) this time he wasn't so quick to show his pic. (he actually didn't) he was in another state again.

I also found his usernames and passwords, Hehehehe I went online and got alllllll the dirty on him. At this point I had had enough. I told him so too. I left and was sure I wasn't going to forgive him.

 

Now look where I am? He quit his job and took a local job, (for me, right) and then asked me to marry him. I said yes and have since moved in with him. He tells me all the time that he is committed to me and would never screw up like that again. We spend all time together. But I still do not trust him. In fact, I wish we could spend time apart and I could not have any question about what he is doing. We are supposed to get married this August. All I think about is how dumb this is. I want so badly to trust him. I have changed my ways too. He even bought me a brand new 2013 car.

 

Will he change his ways forever or is it short lived? I mean he can for a while then go right back to it. Is that how it works? they stop until you trust them again then go at it or could he really change? I look at his parents and they are devoted to eachother his brother is good to his GF.

 

I do anything and more in bed for him and I do believe I am pretty good to him. Why would he risk it? Because I forgave him 2 times already so why wouldn't he do it again? Why do people cheat? What can I do to be assured I can have a fututre with him?

 

Is there any hope?

[PegNosePete]

I forgave him 2 times already so why wouldn't he do it again?

A very good question. I would never trust someone who treated you as he has treated you. Ditch this lying cheating loser right now.

 

What can I do to be assured I can have a fututre with him?

Nothing.

[NordicStripes]

Hi there,

 

I kind of relate to your story, as my ex used to treat me not very well either, and then dumped me to jump one of his colleagues. We are one year on now, and he has spent that year trying to win me back. He also took a local job, and he does anything for me. He's almost perfect now. But the thing that's holding me back to giving him a second chance is that I often still think about what an a*hole he's been.

 

Now, I'm talking about a second chance here. You, my dear are talking about a third, maybe even fourth chance. He has proven to you more than once that he cannot be trusted. With my ex, it took him one misstep to realize he was wrong. When did your fiancee start realizing he was being a pig?

 

I'm sorry sweetie, but personally I would never be able to trust him. He has gotten a second chance from you and he already blew that one.

 

I'm sure you could find someone so much better!

 

Hope everything turns out ok for you.

[veggirl]

You teach people how to treat you. He already knows he can cheat on you and do whatever he wants to do and you will forgive him. You have set that precedent. Do not marry this man, you can't trust him, do you want to live the rest of your life wondering if your husband is being faithful to you? Cancel the engagement, give back the gifts, move out. He will never be faithful to you, maybe for a time he will but he will go back to his ways. I mean my god after he promises to change, you find him online hitting up other girls. What more has to happen for you to scrounge up some dignity and LEAVE?