Colanz Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 So I'm 16 months out of a 20 year marriage and 12 days from the divorce going through. This was not the way the fairy tale was supposed to go! I've done all the right things, settled the finances, bought a little house, made plans for my future, given myself time...and yet the sadness goes on. I guess I'm looking for hope. I watch as he's now finished with girlfriend No. 2 in the last 16 months and seems to breeze through. Lots of signs tend to indicate there was an unhealthy dose of narcissicm going on there which is why I relentlessly still try to validate myself but given the happiness of where I've got myself and my plans for the future I still cannot work out why it feels like I'm walking through mud...rather than ontop of the clouds. Please don't tell me I have to acquire a man for that to happen again! It's way too soon. I hoping I'm not the only one still finding it hard after 16 months? There's very little anger in me (unlike him!) just sadness, we were each other's best friend for so long.
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) So I'm 16 months out of a 20 year marriage and 12 days from the divorce going through. This was not the way the fairy tale was supposed to go! That's because they're fairy tales.... and life never is. I've done all the right things, settled the finances, bought a little house, made plans for my future, given myself time...and yet the sadness goes on. Practicalities rarely heal broken emotions. I guess I'm looking for hope. I watch as he's now finished with girlfriend No. 2 in the last 16 months and seems to breeze through. Isn't it amazing... so many people compare their current statuses to that of their ex, with envy, resentment and bitterness... which actually, has no effect on the ex whatsoever, but actually does a lot to erode their own self-worth, esteem or personal value.... Lots of signs tend to indicate there was an unhealthy dose of narcissicm going on there which is why I relentlessly still try to validate myself but given the happiness of where I've got myself and my plans for the future I still cannot work out why it feels like I'm walking through mud rather than ontop of the clouds. ... "moving on" and "letting go" are not synonymous.... Please don't tell me I have to acquire a man for that to happen again! It's way too soon. Goodness, perish the thought! with the frame of mind you currently have, that wouldn't be wise. The time to think of a new relationship is when you have it all together, not when it's falling apart.... I hoping I'm not the only one still finding it hard after 16 months? There's very little anger in me (unlike him!) just sadness, we were each other's best friend for so long. Unfortunately part of your healing process requires that you are utterly indifferent to either his anger, or his role as past friend. Until you can begin to move past what it used to be like, what he was to you, and how it seems now, this is how it's going to play out for a while. And you don't want that.... you're a sensible, articulate, intelligent woman. What do you need to do? Think. Edited June 18, 2012 by TaraMaiden 2
paperboy48 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) Read this recently: "Your ex is no longer the person you fell in love with. In fact your ex is a ghost of the person you used to know." Edited June 18, 2012 by paperboy48
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