I just can't believe it's over :(

[dazedblazed]

I’m sooo devastated over this and need some help moving on. I’m just so confused!

 

Well me and my ex’s relationship may have been doomed from the start. I met him at a party at a mutual friends house. It was August, and I was about to leave in a week for a semester abroad in Europe. I had spent a boring summer back at home boy-less, and was ready to just have some fun. I met him, but honestly wasn’t even that attracted to him. He was just in the right place at the right time for me. So we hooked up that night, while I was extremely drunk. Then that whole week before I left we hooked up a few more times.

 

I thought that was going to be it. I expected to never see him again, then one night I logged onto facebook and he had sent me a message. It was basically just asking me how I liked Europe and what I had been up to there. The whole semester we sent emails back and forth. I wasn’t tied down to him, because I had been casually seeing a boy in Europe (you only live once, right?)

 

When I got back he said he was so excited to see me. He asked if I wanted to go skiing with him for a weekend, and was making all these plans for my birthday and new years. I still wasn’t extremely interested in him as more than a friend with benefits kind of thing. I even called him “the clinger” to my friends.

 

He called me a few times when I got back, when I was always busy. Finally one day he just showed up at my door and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. My roommates said it was weird, but I was really flattered by his persistence. That night we had our first date, and from there we had a great time together.

 

We saw each other almost every day, and spent nights together. I didn’t sleep with him for a few weeks after we started dating. I didn’t want to rush into anything.

Also during this period I was having a really rough time. My mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and was struggling to cope with that. I had just gotten back from Europe where my life was crazy and exciting, and was now living a boring life and trying to deal with friends that had forgotten me. My Ex seemed like the perfect distraction at the time. He was there for me on nights when I couldn’t stop crying, and needed someone to hold me.

 

We didn’t become official bf/gf status until about March. It was surprising that he was more hesitant to get into a real relationship with me. He fought it for a while. He and his last ex had been together for about two years, and they even lived together for a while. She had also been his first everything. He was afraid of getting hurt like that again.

 

What I never admitted to my ex was that he was my first real boyfriend. I had had relationships with boys before, but nothing as serious as what it was with him. I think I fell in love with him, but I never told him that because I knew we were on different levels. Part of me knew that he wasn’t in love with me.

 

We fought a lot, over little things. However we were also very compatible on other things. We had so much fun together and did so many things! We lived together for a month when his lease ended and my roommates moved out. I loved coming home to him every night, and having someone to wake up next to.

 

He helped ease my pain and loneliness. He was the first boy I had ever loved, even though I knew we were on different levels. It hurt. He was moody. He was cranky from work a lot, and always wishing he had a better social life than he did. He would never go out with me and my friends, and rarely took me around his friends. I knew for a while that something was wrong. He had a lot of financial issues. He had ruined his life by dropping out of college and getting a minimum wage job. He struggled paycheck to paycheck, paid all of his bills and refused to ask for help from his parents or anyone. He wasn’t smart with money, and now had to start paying his college loans back and everything. I knew he was struggling with money; this is why I made excuses for how he rarely took me out or did activities with me… or how he had only bought me flowers once.

 

After we moved out we lived in separate houses again. I could feel him distancing himself from me. I checked his phone one day, because I knew something was up. I saw multiple text messages to and from an unsaved number. They were texts where they were talking about each other, sharing details and getting to know each other. They were at all hours of the night. He even said that he was going to go hang out with this person tonight after he got done hanging out with his buddy (meaning me). I became immediately suspicious. When he left my house that night, he told me he was going to just go to bed because he had an early meeting in the morning. I confronted him and told him I knew he was lying, that he was going to go hang out with a friend. He kept denying it, and then finally told me that yes he was lying. He called me clingy, saying that I can’t just let him live his own life. I told him I was clingy, because I was paranoid. Because he lies to me! (This wasn’t the first time I had been blown off by him or lied too. He also lies so effortlessly to other people).

 

Then he stormed out of my house and we didn’t talk for a week. I was heartbroken that week, but decided I couldn’t be with someone who treated me like that. I texted him and asked if we could talk. He said he couldn’t yet, but I think he only said that because he knew I would have broken up with him. A few more days passed, and the more I thought about it I would have been willing to work things out if he had wanted. But when he came over to my house to talk, he broke up with me. He told me he needed summer to get his life back on track, either pay off his bills or go back to school or what. I didn’t tell him that I knew he had been texting someone else (who I assume was another girl). I didn’t even cry during the breakup, and we agreed that we should still try to be friends.

 

That night I was so angry with myself for not bringing up the text messages I had found. I just knew he was leaving me because he had found another girl. So the next day I asked him to come over so I could give him his stuff back. I had packed all of his stuff up, and then said I had something to admit to him. I told him I went through his phone and that he had been texting someone an awful lot. He told me it was nothing. I said I wouldn’t be angry because we were already broken up; I just needed to know the truth so I could get over him. He lied right to my face and told me that the texts had been nothing, just someone from work. I still don’t believe him, I think he found another girl and broke up with me so suddenly after one fight because he wanted to try something with her. He was completely unwilling to even work on our issues.

 

It hurts me that he wasn’t even willing to try to work things out, after all the time and memories we had together. I’m stunned.

 

We haven’t been in contact for about a week now, and I’m finding it really hard. He was one of my best friends….someone who I could always count on or hang out with. I’m so sad to think I might never see him again, and that he broke up with me so suddenly.

 

Now I keep crying over the great times we had. I drive by a restaurant and burst into tears because we once went on a date there. Ridiculous! I cry because I remembered the time we went to meet his family, when we went stargazing, etc. etc. We just had so many wonderful memories! He finally changed his facebook status to single and his sister liked it. I thought she liked me!

 

I need help remembering the bad too so that I can get over him. I don’t want a bf that is going to lie to me all of the time. He was kind of a deadbeat too, and I need someone who is going to go somewhere successful with their life… because that is the track I am on! I graduate in less than a year. I’m sad because his birthday is coming up and I requested work off and was making plans for it. We are both 21, and I knew it was going to end eventually. I just wish it hadn’t been so sudden!

 

Please help me get over him. He was my first real love, and the best boyfriend I’ve ever had! I feel like I'm never going to find someone as good as him again

[Philosoraptor]

Oh trust me you will find someone better once you've healed up. If you're convinced you can't do better than someone who was obviously looking to cheat and lying to you I would suggest becoming a nun.

 

You're hurting right now, we all do when we get our hearts broke. You're also over romanticizing the ex and that's normal as well. What I'd suggest is taking as much of that focus off of him and putting it on yourself. Live not in the past or future, but embrace what you are doing in the moment. Join a club, embrace a hobby, and continue to grow as a person. If you spend your time well and taking care of yourself you will find healing to be much more efficient.