WisconsinWonder Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 So I met this guy on online dating. We were chatting for a week and met up. Since those 3 weeks we have met up 7/8 times and chatted every day - text/calls/ facebook chat (Always instigated by him). We slept together on our last date. He mentioned to me that he wasn't interested in his profile anymore. However he is online on it a lot, and I'm pretty sure he has recently become facebook friends with a girl he met from it. My question is, do I have a right to say something yet? can I ask him if hes seeing anyone else? The way he's behaving to me in person, and when I'm not with him is boyfriendy and I'm just confused about this online dating thing. Thanks
starla33 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 So I met this guy on online dating. We were chatting for a week and met up. Since those 3 weeks we have met up 7/8 times and chatted every day - text/calls/ facebook chat (Always instigated by him). We slept together on our last date. He mentioned to me that he wasn't interested in his profile anymore. However he is online on it a lot, and I'm pretty sure he has recently become facebook friends with a girl he met from it. My question is, do I have a right to say something yet? can I ask him if hes seeing anyone else? The way he's behaving to me in person, and when I'm not with him is boyfriendy and I'm just confused about this online dating thing. Thanks Unfortunately most guys online are multi-daters. I stopped online dating for this reason because a ton of guys would say they want a gf and act all cutesey with me, but sit on the site all day (and yes add other girls on fb). I'm not for multi-dating at all so in your situation I would make an exit. In the future it would be better to not sleep with him until you mention that you are not going to be sleeping with anyone else etc.
dbave Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Well I met my current gf on eHarmony and we've been doing good for a month. I really haven't dated ever so I figured online would be a good approach. Turns out it worked for me and I met a great girl. Sorry to hear that starla33. Yes I can imagine there will be a lot of scumbag guys on there. But I don't think that is the appropriate advise unless she is also not into multi-dating. First off 7-8 dates in 3 weeks is a very high amount! Especially chatting everyday. I would get burned out from a girl I was dating and lose interest quickly. Please don't take this as an insult or anything. In a dating scenario, I need space to think things over. Once I have a gf, I could text her everyday and be perfectly fine. Also sleeping and then not sleeping with him will give him a red flag that you like to play games. Not advisable; he will take notice that your already using sex as a leverage on the relationship. It could drive him further away. Remember you two are still in a open relationship until you verbally agree you want a closed relationship. Until then, asking those questions are out of bounds. He has every right to see other girls as you have every right to see other guys. Do not check his profile to see his activity. This is a form of stalking and indicates jealousy. Again not meant as an insult or anything even though it sounds harsh but you have no purpose of checking his profile again if your already talking to him. He also shouldn't be adding girls to his FB that he's dating... that's just stupid. What does he think will happen if things go south and he's got them as a friend? I never added anyone to my FB from eHarmony. I only added my girl when we became closed. I'm guessing he already added you to FB? See how this is causing problems? The best defense is to multi-date. Right now your placing your eggs all in one basket and if he decided to close on another girl then your left really hurt. Multi-dating allows you to all size up all the guys on the dating sight to each other so you don't think one is "all that". Plus, in the end, its some fun meeting new people and having a dinner with a stranger. Get to know people and such. Conclusion: Wait till closed relationship before you ask such personal questions. Don't stalk. Don't add dates to FB until closed especially when multi-dating. **** will come to haunt you later. Do multi-date if you can. Gives you better perspective on guys.
Author WisconsinWonder Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Well I met my current gf on eHarmony and we've been doing good for a month. I really haven't dated ever so I figured online would be a good approach. Turns out it worked for me and I met a great girl. Sorry to hear that starla33. Yes I can imagine there will be a lot of scumbag guys on there. But I don't think that is the appropriate advise unless she is also not into multi-dating. First off 7-8 dates in 3 weeks is a very high amount! Especially chatting everyday. I would get burned out from a girl I was dating and lose interest quickly. Please don't take this as an insult or anything. In a dating scenario, I need space to think things over. Once I have a gf, I could text her everyday and be perfectly fine. Also sleeping and then not sleeping with him will give him a red flag that you like to play games. Not advisable; he will take notice that your already using sex as a leverage on the relationship. It could drive him further away. Remember you two are still in a open relationship until you verbally agree you want a closed relationship. Until then, asking those questions are out of bounds. He has every right to see other girls as you have every right to see other guys. Do not check his profile to see his activity. This is a form of stalking and indicates jealousy. Again not meant as an insult or anything even though it sounds harsh but you have no purpose of checking his profile again if your already talking to him. He also shouldn't be adding girls to his FB that he's dating... that's just stupid. What does he think will happen if things go south and he's got them as a friend? I never added anyone to my FB from eHarmony. I only added my girl when we became closed. I'm guessing he already added you to FB? See how this is causing problems? The best defense is to multi-date. Right now your placing your eggs all in one basket and if he decided to close on another girl then your left really hurt. Multi-dating allows you to all size up all the guys on the dating sight to each other so you don't think one is "all that". Plus, in the end, its some fun meeting new people and having a dinner with a stranger. Get to know people and such. Conclusion: Wait till closed relationship before you ask such personal questions. Don't stalk. Don't add dates to FB until closed especially when multi-dating. **** will come to haunt you later. Do multi-date if you can. Gives you better perspective on guys. OK so when he texts me should I not reply? He's suggesting all the meet ups and the next time I see him will probably be the weekend.
thatone Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 OK so when he texts me should I not reply? He's suggesting all the meet ups and the next time I see him will probably be the weekend. Bring it up, see what he says.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 So I met this guy on online dating. We were chatting for a week and met up. Since those 3 weeks we have met up 7/8 times and chatted every day - text/calls/ facebook chat (Always instigated by him). We slept together on our last date. He mentioned to me that he wasn't interested in his profile anymore. However he is online on it a lot, and I'm pretty sure he has recently become facebook friends with a girl he met from it. My question is, do I have a right to say something yet? can I ask him if hes seeing anyone else? The way he's behaving to me in person, and when I'm not with him is boyfriendy and I'm just confused about this online dating thing. Thanks You the right to be used for sex... Doesn't matter what a guy acts like when he's around you....It's what he does when you're not around or looking.
Author WisconsinWonder Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 I can't say anything without looking like a complete psycho. I just don't know whàt to do.
Emilia Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) You've had 7 or 8 dates with someone and you can't have a conversation about the direction it's going? That suggests to me that it's not going anywhere or that you are too passive and don't know how to express what you need. Perhaps the fact that he initiated all contact (according to your original post) indicates to him that you aren't that interested? That's a dangerous path to go down on. Edited June 18, 2012 by Emilia 1
curlygirl40 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Ninja is right, pay more attention to how he's acting when you're not together. In my opinion, men are better at living in the moment than we are. The good times you have together, the fun you have, all of those moments are real. But they don't always mean that when he's not with you, he's not sharing moments like that with someone else. Men want to buy, they don't want to be sold. If you try to have that conversation with him too early, he'll probably feel pushed. If you want to be in a relationship with him, your best bet is to wait to see if he comes around, takes his profile down on his own, asks you if you're dating anyone else because he wants exclusivity. This doesn't mean that you have no control and you just have to sit and wait if you don't want to. At any time you can tell him that it appears you want different things, that you want a relationship and if he's not ready for that, then you are going to be on your way to find it with someone else. If he really likes you and doesn't want to lose you, then he will step up. If he says 'awww, that sucks but I understand', then you have your answer. Best of luck
Author WisconsinWonder Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Ok so I should say nothing and hope for the best?
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