daniellethedisaster Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 We've been broken up for a couple weeks. It's been a mess. Last weekend he was really mean and told me to move on for good etc. We talked a little after but not about anything significant. Anyway, Friday night he messages me and asks about his step dad, who i am still close to, because he had been to the ER. Now why didnt he just ask his stepdad himself? Why come to me? A few hours later I get a Facebook msg from him. i'm sorry that i don't really have it in me to talk to you on the phone about any of this. i do miss you and this isn't really easy on me at all. i don't feel good about hurting you but it seems like if we talk about it you'll just keep wanting to make it work and i just want to be left alone. i've been sleeping all day and going to nicks at night. i've been depressed for awhile and it feels like its getting worse so i'd just like to be alone and left alone. i'm fine, i'm sure it will get better eventually and maybe i'll feel like talking then.. And then says in another msg that i am not the cause of his depression and he doesnt feel any better without me but he wants to be isolated. Then nothing...? What does this even mean? I want to be with him so bad, and would do anything for him but i am even more confused than inwas when we broke up.
Mack05 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 My ex and I had been together for about a year and a half. In that time span he "broke up" with me about 3 times (No Stability) I tried everything I could to keep him here but it just felt like it was all a wasted effort (No great relationships involve wasted effort) Anyway. I made the HUGE mistake of going through his phone one morning (No Trust). Eventually it boiled down to him not wanting to commit to anything (This is a clear red flag. Anything else he says is immaterial). I have a 3 year old daughter, who he apparently now decides he doesnt want to help parent (Flourescent gave you great advice in your last threads. You are letting your daughter down by wanting a man who could ever talk to you like this), and he doesn't ever want to get married (Listen to him, stop looking for things that are not there) This came out of nowhere. Now the one thing you have to know about my ex is that he kind of flips out now and again and does stupid rash things and then regrets them (This is clear sign of an emotionally immature, insecure man. How do I know?I was one. I used to flip flop regulary too and say things without thinking). This relationship has NO chance of of success. Its an absolute mess and one of you is as bad as the other. I can tell you where he is coming from. I had the EXACT same type of relationship with my last ex. I would tell her every so often that the relationship wasn't what I wanted. That I didn't feel myself around her, only to turn around a few days later and promise her the world. I wish I left her early doors. It might have forced her to confront her personal problems, me too. Your ex's actions are that of a very insecure, emotionally immature man. If he was mature, he would do what he feels deep down in his heart and that is leave you. I am sorry if I am being harsh, but believe me that is the case. You got the mail from him above because he feels lonely and insecure and he does whats natural to him and selfishly reaches back out to you. He should do, what I should have done and let my ex find someone who is 110% committed to them and has zero doubts about her. I was secure in myself, my last relationship would have lasted 2 months tops. I knew she wasn't right for me after our first holiday together. Instead I went back and forth for 7 months hoping things would change. Emotionally immature, insecure men are selfish. They feel themselves drowning and promise the world to their partner (they do actually mean it at the time, anything to stop the lonely/insecure feelings) without really thinking of the consequences or the effect these 'false' words (that they cannot back up) effects their partner. You have broke up 3 times now. If you get back together I would bet any amount of money you will break up again. It's a vicious toxic repeating cycle. For the sake of your daughter you have to break it! You are two pieces of a jigsaw that will never fit. You can force it all you want but the grim reality is that it doesn't fit. You cannot be happy long term with this man.. No woman worth her salt would have go back to a man who spoke to her the way your ex spoke to you above. You are setting a bad example for your daughter. You need to find the courage of breaking this toxic cycle. Once you have done that then you need to address your personal problems. Maybe your insecure, low self esteem. I don't know but what I do know is that you are not happy. If you were happy you would want better for yourself and better for your daughter.. The fact you would still do anything for him after the way he spoke to you above tells me the problem is more with you than it is with him..Every mother should put her daughter first. By craving this man you are not doing that..
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 The fact you would still do anything for him after the way he spoke to you above tells me the problem is more with you than it is with him..Every mother should put her daughter first. By craving this man you are not doing that.. QFT. I also think he made it abundantly clear. He obviously has difficulty speaking with you face to face, and he's explained why - because you're not getting it. you need to do exactly as he's asked, and go No Contact. Fall off his radar, and read the link in my signature, for the absolutely fail-safe No Contact guide. But it's only fail-safe if you implement it 100%. And if you have any respect for the guy, you will do exactly that. That's really the best for you both.
Joaquin Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Some really good reflective stuff Mack wrote about emotional maturity. Hit home with me and like you mack I see that I could have done with a dose of it in my previous relationship. I should have moved on at 2-3 months when I knew the girl couldn't give me what I wanted. Instead we both battled in the hope that things would come right. In the end we created something fairly toxic. Sometimes leaving is hard when there is strong sexual chemistry though.
flitzanu Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 We've been broken up for a couple weeks. It's been a mess. Last weekend he was really mean and told me to move on for good etc. We talked a little after but not about anything significant. Anyway, Friday night he messages me and asks about his step dad, who i am still close to, because he had been to the ER. Now why didnt he just ask his stepdad himself? Why come to me? A few hours later I get a Facebook msg from him. i'm sorry that i don't really have it in me to talk to you on the phone about any of this. i do miss you and this isn't really easy on me at all. i don't feel good about hurting you but it seems like if we talk about it you'll just keep wanting to make it work and i just want to be left alone. i've been sleeping all day and going to nicks at night. i've been depressed for awhile and it feels like its getting worse so i'd just like to be alone and left alone. i'm fine, i'm sure it will get better eventually and maybe i'll feel like talking then.. And then says in another msg that i am not the cause of his depression and he doesnt feel any better without me but he wants to be isolated. Then nothing...? What does this even mean? I want to be with him so bad, and would do anything for him but i am even more confused than inwas when we broke up. i think i can help. he said -- "...seems like if we talk about it you'll just keep wanting to make it work and i just want to be left alone..." what he means by this -- "...seems like if we talk about it you'll just keep wanting to make it work and i just want to be left alone..."
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