Kiddo77 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I know I really should be happy this guy is out of my life, but we do occasionally have to see each other in a professional capacity and he is making it difficult. He is self-admittedly "not a nice person." We met a few years ago and hit it off, despite having nothing in common but a very strong physical attraction. Unofortunately he was awful to me (emotionally abusive) so I ended it, but we always somehow ended up back together, mostly just for a passionate sexual relationship. (I know, I should not have gone back to him.) Last winter I felt I had finally begun to move on, and he started pursuing me again. He then told me that he was seeing someone else, but wasn't happy, and ended up sleeping with me again, having a passionate time. He told me he will "love me forever." This brought up a lot of emotions for me, since he had not changed his abusive ways, and a week later I decided we should not see each other anymore. I told him how I felt. He hung up the phone on me (very mature) and we didn't talk for months. (BTW he is in his late 40s) The problem is that he is contractor and does work at my family's company, so we do sometimes have to see each other. The other day he brought his girlfriend (I am pretty certain she is the one he was seeing the last time we had sex) to my office and walked by with her several times to make sure I saw them. I acted cordial and pretended it did not bother me, but found it strange that he brought her there. Today we were working on a project that he was supposed to be involved in, and when he saw I ws there, he left. He would not look at me, let alone say a cordial hello to be polite. Oddly, he continues to wear a shirt I gave him for his birthday. I feel very awkward in the professional situation, especially given that he cannot even say hello and be polite. Do I just keep acting like I don't care? I do still have feelings for him but he is a toxic person and it is not good for me to be with him. (As an example, besides being emotionally abusive, I lent him money that he never paid back, etc.) Thanks.
CopingGal Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 That's a sticky situation. I suppose I might say "hi" for a while and that's it. It may be uncomfortable just walking by him. If things don't change, I might eventually just say nothing. This man sounds like an immature boonga. Be glad you are rid of him.
shayla Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 If you need to speak to him in a business sense, then I would tell him, right there, that he should try to make the best of it, since it's necessary for work. If you don't need to speak to him, to hell with him, treat him like he's invisible, not out of anger, but out of indifference. 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 He sounds incredibly immature, and like a bad quality person. I would not care about a person who cheats, is not nice, and is terrible at conducting himself socially ( ignoring you, hissy fits, emotionally abusing you). I would not have the time of day to care about such a lowly person. I only care about kind hearted people who know how to act as adults. Professionally, though, if it were me,I would tell him that he needs to communicate with you, so you can get the job done. Tell him if his behaviour impacts your job.
firemanq Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 If he is a "contractor" in the family business, why not get another "contractor" to perform the same work? If you do not see him, it will be easier to get over him. As for parading the current partner, that shows no class at all. You however, could go to the current partner and be very nice to her.
geegirl Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 You should maintain a professional stance and only communicate if it's regarding work. You are not obligated to respond with niceties or even to be kind other than conveying work related matters in a professional and polite way. I think at the end of the day you have to ask yourself what about an abusive person justifies you being affected by his incapability to be polite or kind. He treated you horribly. If anything you should be expecting nothing but "ugly" considering how he treated you. Don't have high expectations when dealing with someone who has consistently shown you bad behavior. This shouldn't surprise you. He sounds highly immature and you called it too. Don't let him affect you. Consider yourself lucky dodging this fool.
Sugarkane Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 If he didn't treat you well when you were together, he never will after. Been there.
LovelyDaze Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 He sounds a little emotionally stunted. Don't give into any more games. Like everyone said, continue to be cordial and professional. Don't try to brag about a new date, that you had "bad exes", or anything that pertains to a relationship in his presence. All it will do is make him know for sure that he's on your mind. Do your best to stay focused on job and don't show any emotions towards him or new interest. I'm sure he will think he can get you back after he grows bored of this new one. Stomp that idea by saying that you no longer are interested in dating in the workplace. Truthfully, that is strongly advised anyway.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I have a little bit of experience with dealing this stuff at work Be polite and professional at all times. If he does not acknowledge you, pay it no mind. Do not put additional effort into being "nice" and do not respond with being ignorant and/or cold in return. Seems to be this man is quite immature and looking for attention. Don't give it to him. Soon he will be just another dude at work and when he figures it out, then perhaps his professionalism will return. If not... well, no great loss. Most of us have to work with *********s everyday unfortunately.. chalk it up that way and dont let it get you down. It's not you, it's them!
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