daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I felt like we could have been one of the OLD tv ads for a first date. It went very well. Enough for me to think whoa, gotta slow down and not get ahead of myself. He called today and we talked. I almost feel like we're too open and talk too much. I haven't done that in a very long time. I don't like to get invested early, so I can see if the actions and words match up. I was open and told him that the last guy I liked from online was pretty shady and kept going back online after we agreed to exclusivity. And I noticed while I was online today, that his account was no longer active. He's been on for some time so I don't believe it was random. I know I don't want to multi date, but at the same time I think I'm concerned that if I turn off my profile that it'll leave me open to being taken for granted again. The guy who kept going back online was the one who initated the conversations about dating others. He subtly expressed that it would bother him if I were to date someone else at that point. But yet he went back online at a later time. I have no desire to pursue another guy who I probably would want to date if I hadn't met this one. I like this one and would love to see where it goes. Guess I'm just really gunshy at this point. Should I take down my profile too? Or do I become the anti-challenge that way?
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I always struggled with this when I was single and doing OLD... I have had it happen to me and I considered it a red flag.. Are you sure you are the only one he is dating ? He might be multi-dating and shut it off at 2. I think once you both decide to date each other then the profiles goes off-line. I also think you need to ask him about it... just to see what his response is. Hey.. I hit your profile the other day and noticed it was gone.. how come ? It being a red flag doesn't mean run though... It could be that he was just done anyhow and then he met you.. it does happen. Just ask him about it...
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 (edited) Lord Art. Why do you have to give the rational response that requires communication? I'd rather read the tea leaves. I know that the guy I dated before shady guy told me on the first date that he stopped going online because he thought it was rude. A week later he turned his profile off. We never spoke of it again. I just turned mine off shortly after and we knew we were exclusive. But that was before the shady guy so I don't know if I can trust my gut again. :/ The thing that makes this all the more interesting, is that he knows what shady guy did. And since he has very little dating experience post divorce, he wanted me to tell him what my expectations were. I never told him to go turn off his profile. But I have to connect the dots and think that he may have assumed that's what I wanted. So I don't want to send mixed signals. But don't make me go ask him. lol Btw, when you met your wife, how long did it take for you to turn off your profile? Edited June 18, 2012 by daphne
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 So I don't want to send mixed signals. But don't make me go ask him. lol haha... All the more reason to ask.. Since he knows some of your dating history with shady guy then just mention it to him rather than ask and hear what he says.. "Hey.. I hit your profile the other day to re-read your interests and it's gone.. bummer"
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Btw, when you met your wife, how long did it take for you to turn off your profile? Gotta think.. or go ask... BRB... I didn't have to ask.. I looked on our fridge.. it has the date on it that we first had sex...hahahaha Tickets to a Movie... 20 days.. or 4-5 dates...
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 haha... All the more reason to ask.. Since he knows some of your dating history with shady guy then just mention it to him rather than ask and hear what he says.. "Hey.. I hit your profile the other day to re-read your interests and it's gone.. bummer" I do not like you. I do not want to ask because it would make me feel a little foolish. But it would be the quickest way to find out wouldn't it? Gotta think.. or go ask... BRB... I didn't have to ask.. I looked on our fridge.. it has the date on it that we first had sex...hahahaha Tickets to a Movie... 20 days.. or 4-5 dates... You still have a calendar that has the first day you had sex? I am trying not to consider what other forgetmenots you two have lying around. That seems reasonable. A handful of dates.
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I do not like you. I do not want to ask because it would make me feel a little foolish. But it would be the quickest way to find out wouldn't it? Don't ask.. just mention.. see what he says.. You still have a calendar that has the first day you had sex? I am trying not to consider what other forgetmenots you two have lying around. That seems reasonable. A handful of dates. not a calendar.. we actually have the tickets in those little magnets thingies.. I took the tickets and gave her one for her fridge and one for mine.. When we got married the tickets now sit on the same fridge.. :smile: at the rest.... 1
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Don't ask.. just mention.. see what he says.. not a calendar.. we actually have the tickets in those little magnets thingies.. I took the tickets and gave her one for her fridge and one for mine.. When we got married the tickets now sit on the same fridge.. :smile: at the rest.... Omg. That's disgustingly sweet. I'm going to go throw up now. 4
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 One good thing about new guy, is that he looked up opera dates because he knows I love opera. He does not. Last guy I dated would never have been bothered with that. He mostly chose the events that we attended, and they were all his interests. I was an accessory to his fun. I thank God that I was not foolish enough to take him back. Sigh. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 <<--- Tongue is bleeding from the biting, trying not to ruin the fun..... please do not ask.
JWRP Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I think he just removed that to show you he wasn't going to be flirting over the internet with anyone else, I bet he expressed how the online aspect was wierd to him? So having met someone he likes, now he doesn't want to get caught on there by anyone from work or anything. On the sweet subject; I kept the heart shaped rocks we found on our first hike , turns out you need diamond tipped drill bits to make a necklace though : ). 1
mortensorchid Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Has he contacted you after the get together? If so then he will have told you that he wants to see you again if nothing else, but then it would be a little too soon that he asks you to take down your profile. If he has not contacted you again afterward but has taken down his own profile, that means he's not doing the online dating thing anymore.
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 <<--- Tongue is bleeding from the biting, trying not to ruin the fun..... please do not ask. Edward, I can only imagine the jaded things you are thinking right now. We'll discuss it a few months down the road. Are you trying to tell me to leave my profile up? You have to tell me that one. I think he just removed that to show you he wasn't going to be flirting over the internet with anyone else, I bet he expressed how the online aspect was wierd to him? So having met someone he likes, now he doesn't want to get caught on there by anyone from work or anything. On the sweet subject; I kept the heart shaped rocks we found on our first hike , turns out you need diamond tipped drill bits to make a necklace though : ). He didn't say weird. I think he said he just didn't find many women to be what he was looking for. I don't think he ever took his profile down before, so I don't think he's worried about work. I could be wrong tho. Ok. Another guy being disgustingly romantic. Single people hate happy taken people. Really. We do. Has he contacted you after the get together? If so then he will have told you that he wants to see you again if nothing else, but then it would be a little too soon that he asks you to take down your profile. If he has not contacted you again afterward but has taken down his own profile, that means he's not doing the online dating thing anymore. Yes. He called me the next day. We're going out again.
oaks Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Daphne, there's a middle ground between deleting your profile and continually logging in: stop logging in. You don't need to check up on him if he has deleted his already. Glad the date went well! 1
FitChick Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I think most of the time people break up early after meeting online is because they see you logging in and think you are still checking out profiles. In reality, you both are checking to see if the other person has logged in. Play it smart and create a fake, empty profile to check up on your significant other. That's what I do.
Imajerk17 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Maybe he has more than one profile? Maybe he reached the limit on the size of his harem and he is no longer accepting applications? Haha, I kid, I kid. From what you've written, it actually sounds that he is really into you. Don't get too excited yet though. Guys who rush in often get cold feet when the woman starts reciprocating his feelings. Not always but often. Consider yourself warned....
veggirl Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I don't multi date so in your position I would probably just quit logging in and see what happens, delete after you are exclusive. I wouldn't be reading / replying to other messages or checking out other profiles if I liked the guy.
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 I think most of the time people break up early after meeting online is because they see you logging in and think you are still checking out profiles. In reality, you both are checking to see if the other person has logged in. Play it smart and create a fake, empty profile to check up on your significant other. That's what I do. Lol. Yeah that does seem to happen. But I don't know that I want to create a fake profile. I'm not worried about it at this point, because I wasn't expecting for him to take his profile down. I was checking to see what his religion and views on kids was. In the hours long conversations we've had, I failed to ask. I don't start online stalking til we talk exclusivity. moo ha ha
Author daphne Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Maybe he has more than one profile? Maybe he reached the limit on the size of his harem and he is no longer accepting applications? Haha, I kid, I kid. From what you've written, it actually sounds that he is really into you. Don't get too excited yet though. Guys who rush in often get cold feet when the woman starts reciprocating his feelings. Not always but often. Consider yourself warned.... Lol. Well with some of the people on this site, I'm sure that's what they're thinking. As if every person online is a total liar and beyond reproach. Like I said, just because I've run across a few liars doesn't mean I'm going to shut down and expect the worse. I'll just watch the actions and it'll become clear at some point. I know how it goes when they do lie, so it shouldn't be a shocker if I see the signs. Yeah dude. I hear you about teh reciprocation. I have seen that a few times in my life. I keep reminding myself not to get carried away with someone I don't know. Plus, experience has proven to me over and over that a guy can lose interest when he thinks he's already gotten her. Guys (and girls) tend to want what they can't have. I don't multi date so in your position I would probably just quit logging in and see what happens, delete after you are exclusive. I wouldn't be reading / replying to other messages or checking out other profiles if I liked the guy. That's what I'm doing at the moment. We'll see what turns up.
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