Tom Crick Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Okay, I need someone to tell me what I suspect but don't really know. Basically, over a year ago, my ex broke up with me 'cause he hadn't 'fallen for me.' Fair enough. I go NC. He contacts me a bit, little e-mails, a few petnames, that kind of thing. My hopes are raised and he suggests meeting after which, my hopes commit suicide, throwing themselves off buildings while weighted down by bricks. It was nice but tense, the relationship and breakup wasn't mentioned once and while he tickled my foot, he also implied he had lots of 'female friends.' It lasted last than 2 hours and I didn't even have the stomach to finish my wine. Another hiatus. Then, he starts mailing again. I get *two* kisses and the petnames comes back. The compliments do, the little retrospective sighs over our relationship. He sees a stupid little present that he thinks would make me laugh and offers to buy it for me. He does, and posts it to me addressing it to my petname. Aww, how cute. The last missive was about how he thinks we should join up to remake a certain film because I sometimes get told I look like the leading lady. I let slip where I drink after work and he has suddenly made it his local. But nothing really happens. He never SAYS anything. He doesn't say, 'sheesh, I'm mailing you because I really miss you and screwed things up and can't live without you.' And I'm a/ tired of that b/ tired of my own reactions; stress, upset, curiosity, hope c/ bored So, I haven't mailed him back for a month. Someone, please say - 'you're doing the right thing, cutting off. You don't need this. If he were any kind of man, he'd be saying things to you straight,' 'cause part of me thinks that I'm blowing some great, wonderful implied chance. But I'm not, am I? Not really? Cheers TC
simonsez Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 You ARE doing the right thing. When a man likes you in the right way he WANTS to win you. Men who don't want you in the right way play games like you are getting. Stringing you along as he waits for someone he wants more to come down the pike. If I were you I would be not only letting him go, but showing him and yourself that there are PLENTY of other fish in the sea. He isn't going to come after you until he feels you are a prize catch. The only way to do that is to let him see that some other guy is interested in you and that you may very well be interested in someone else. It is amazing what a little old fashioned jealousy can do to someone playing with your feelings. Not only that you may actually realize by seeing other people just how little he is giving you. If you don't act like you deserve better you will never GET someone who treats you better. There is just something about a woman who stands strong when a man doesn't give her what she deserves. A woman who puts up with this type of stuff is showing low self esteem. Low self esteem is very unattractive to a man. He wants someone who makes him have to do some work to win her. Sorry, but that is just the way reality is. 1
Author Tom Crick Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 Hi Patrice, I'm 33; he's a decade older. Cheers TC
Author Tom Crick Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
daphne Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Simon is spot on. You need to move on. I remember when I had just broken up with a guy that had screwed up (he was young and stupid) and started dating a new guy. He was cute, kinda sweet and told me bluntly he wasn't interested in anything serious. He just wanted to have fun. In the meanwhile, the guy I had just broken up with found out about the new guy and decided to clean up his act. He won me back and stopped taking me for granted. I had to tell the new guy that I was only interested in friendship as I had decided to go back to the other guy. Funny thing is, all of a sudden new guy decided he didn't want just fun anymore. It was too late. I ended up in a 3 year relationship with the initial guy. New guy was my friend for the duration, and by the time I broke up with the other guy still wanted to make a go of it. He was no longer the cocky guy who thought he could list me as an option. He was nervous and trying to court me. But I never got romantic with him again.
simonsez Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) Excellent example daphne. Excellent. Edited June 17, 2012 by simonsez
Author Tom Crick Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Thank you, Simonsez and Daphne! I've tried to think for a while, 'oh, he wants me back, he's testing the water, he's seeing how the land lies,' but it feels far more empowering to just think, 'his loss - idiot,' and move on. One thing I forgot to mention in my initial post was that not only am I tired/bored/tired etc, but I'm also HAPPIER when I don't hear from him and when I don't have to open an e-mail with such trepidation and anxiety and hope and stress that the last time I did, I actually burst into tears. I was in the pub when this happened - all very embarrassing. So, yes, thank you for confirming what I suspected and giving me the oomph needed to move on - I've since set up a new dating profile, in fact! Cheers TC
jenniferq36 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 God..mine is exactly like yours. He broke it up. Texts and calls me all the time and especially over weekends. Lets not even talk about drunk dialing....compliments and sometimes drops the 'i miss you'. Roller coaster i tell you. Finally three days ago he drunk dials again and I told him off and hung up. And he hasn't called since. So yeah you are doing the right thing. Keep it at it. He is just playing games and i can bet you, he is hooking up with others as well. Cheers
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Someone, please say - 'you're doing the right thing, cutting off. You don't need this. If he were any kind of man, he'd be saying things to you straight,' 'cause part of me thinks that I'm blowing some great, wonderful implied chance. OK..... you're doing the right thing, cutting off. You don't need this. If he were any kind of man, he'd be saying things to you straight, it's like the guy has a pair of pants for every day of the week, and you're Thursday. Trust me when your elastic snaps, he'll just go out and buy another pair. cut loose sweetie. 1
Author Tom Crick Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Thank you all for your advice and support - has really helped me clarify and plan a move forwards. The world feels like a very big place tonight, filled with squillions of men! Many thanks TC
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