dubberfromCT Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Its been a month since my girlfirend or 2.5 years and I broke up. I kinda get the message that the relationship was holding her back from hanging out with other friends and whatnot. She also told me that she didnt love me anymore but wants to be friends. I attribute this to the relationship getting a little stale and boring, kinda like a relationship rut. She said she would call me in a couple weeks after the breakup. Well a month came by and she still hadnt called. So finally i casually called her today and she said she had been thinking about me and we had a great convorsation for about 45 min and then i ended it by saying it was time to get something to eat. This is kind of a difficult time for her in her life. I know that there are no other guys involved here and she even told me that she just doesnt want a relationship right now. I am confident that she is telling the truth. I very much want to start over with this girl. How can i rebuild the intamacy that we once had? How can I be a boyfirend that does not hold her back? I am guessing i just have to wait it out a little more and see how things go. She is feeling relived that she is not in a relationship right now but i see a relationship in the opposite way, like a source of comfort. Why cant she see it my way? Its so confusing.
LikkleMissConfused Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Be her friend and value the fact that she has been completly honest with you. Sometimes things are better just left alone. Be grateful you spent so many years together as a happy couple and now you have drifted and as you said the relationship became boring. So why not be happy that at least you can still have a lovely conversation show eachother lots of respect and be at peace in your heart that this is what really matters in life. Not the attitude "I want that girl and thats it" Maybe you will grow closer as you seem to get on very well and respect eachother or you may just continue to be great friends whilst yuo both live your own lives or you may find that you both truly want to be together. Babes its life just take it with a pinch of salt and be happy that your not in my kind of position where my ex got so angry with me breaking up with him, and seeing me around the town, lost weight, happy lokking good he smashed all my windows at home. Eventhough it was him that cheated all the way through our five yr relationship and was bringing various women to the house we bought together after my dad passed away. Now I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Her honesty and respect is probably what you like even more but acceot it and let life do its thing. You concerntrate on you and let her do the same. Keep in touch and ask her to keeop in touch too and let her know that you are there for her. Hope thats helps.
Author dubberfromCT Posted July 1, 2004 Author Posted July 1, 2004 Thanks. I think what you are saying is right. I Think that it might be a possiblity that she just needs to get herself together. I just hope to god that she relizes she wants me back after. Sometimes you just dont know what you have until its gone ya know
Kate Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 people ALWAYS realize a good thing after it's been gone for a while. it's just hard to see it when it's in front of your face for so long. kinda becomes a big fat blur. you will be fine. respect her and she'll want you back quicker than you will ever think. but don't pretend to support her...do it -- please read my latest post on breakups titled "update for kate's NC" or whatever i wrote.
sid3 Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 I strongly suggest supporting her if she is asking for some time and space. Do not act on emotions, it will do nothing but drive her away. Stay positive, don't try too hard,and don't make any major concessions that you weren't willing to make while you were still together. I am experienced in these matters. I screwed up by not doing what I suggested you do. And I would like to add, it doesn't take long to push your lover away, by the time you realize what has happened, it's too late! Good luck, I hope things work out for you!
Author dubberfromCT Posted July 5, 2004 Author Posted July 5, 2004 I havent talked to her since but I did talk to her mom and i think she said Hi for me. My ex has been feeling sick alot latly and I wonder if that has something to do w/ her not wanting a relationship. I torn between beliving its that or me or a combo of both. Its just confusing
Bubbles Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 If only we all had a crystal ball to look into the future huh? My heart goes out to you......it's not an easy thing that you are doing but from what I read in your post, you sound very level headed. Don't do anything stupid!!! For goodness sakes! You are doing everything right so far. You have respected her wishes and have not tried to PUSH your way back into her life. That says to her that you really honestly do respect her and you really honestly do care about her and want the best for her. You are a good friend that's a heck of an accomplishment for an ex.........don't you agree? She was honest with you. You had good conversation. You're on your way man! Be a good friend and a good listener....she'll always love you for that! Bubbles
Author dubberfromCT Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 I talked to her on AIM the other day and we talked for a little while. She just doest seem to want to hang out with me and its been like a month and a half. I dont understand why. SHe will talk for a bit but never mentions anything about wanting to see me. When we broke up, she told me that she didnt want to lose me as a firend cause i was her best friend. But now what is strange is that she just wants to hang out with other people. I feel like I should be mad at her for this, but im not. Its just strange. Only time will tell what she is really thinking. The reason i feel like i should be mad at her is just cause i miss her alot. She makes me feel like i did something wrong and i am being punished even tho she told me it wast me who did anything. I just wish she would find herself already so we can be together again or so i can just move on for good.
pink_is_cool Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 They way i see she just need a lil time 2 expirence some new things n just see it as a break she must still love u ya can see it in time she will have what it seems like she wants and realise what she is really missing out on with you just take a lil time.. Wait it out dont do any silly or say anything that could ruin the chance make the point to look as if you still there for her and waiting but your waiting till she is ready it will make her feel a million dollars........
Strontium Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 dubber, your situation sounds a little like mine. My fiancee and I were together for a year and just bought a house when she broke up with me. She told me "her feelings had changed", that the "spark had gone" from our relationship, but that she hoped I'd always be a "dear friend". I couldn't understand it. I knew she still loved me, because she never stopped telling me. And a couple of weeks before we broke up, she got very drunk and was saying just how much she loved me and how she wanted to set a date for our wedding (and when you are drunk, it is very difficult to tell anything but the truth!). After about a month of me writing letters and texts to her, I have just left the situation as it is, as I think she needs her space. I have had hardly any contact with her for 2 months. So far as I can see, she just needs some "time off" to sort her head out. She's been on holiday with a girlfriend of hers for 2 weeks, which isn't really something she could have done when we were together. I get the feeling she just wants a bit of time on her own. It's difficult for me, because I love her so much, and I do feel we could have worked through any "stale" patch in our relationship. Is she by any chance quite a young girl? My fiancee was only 19 and I think immaturity plays a large part in it. Also, there seems to have been communication problems, in that she let her feelings of unhappiness fester until she had no option but to end the relationship. I hope she goes back to you, and I hope my girl comes back to me. I know from speaking to her mother that she is snapping at her family and being very short-tempered with them, which seems to me like a sign of unhappiness, and that would suggest she's missing me. Unfortunately dubber, women do not see things the way we do. We can (and in my case, did) give them the best sex they've ever had, and lots of love and affection and expensive gifts, but still they are unable to see the wood for the trees. It seems to take them an awful long time to work out that, in fact, to be with someone who you care about and who cares for you is a rare and precious thing, and no amount of wild drunken nights out with their mates can compensate for that. In the meantime, I am trying to get on with my own life. It is a difficult journey. But I know that whatever I do, I must not contact her, because that would play into her hands. You have to let her miss you and to miss your situation. I still don't know if she'll come back to me. Last time we spoke on the phone was about a month ago, and it ended with us having a bit of an argument (which she provoked). I told her I "didn't want to know" any more, but I'm hoping she doesn't take me literally. One final and very important thing. If she does want to come back to you, then you mustn't agree immediately. You must make it very difficult for her. Make her jump through hoops. You have to take control of the situation away from her. Women are very manipulative beings, and you must appear to be reluctant to go back to her. If you let her get back with you easily, then she will feel as if she can come and go as she pleases. Do not do it. Do not let her have the power. Humble her by telling her to get lost, even if secretly you are overjoyed that she has finally seen sense. Make her suffer, even if it is just a portion of the suffering that you have gone through. Only when you have made her suffer will she learn to respect you and to understand just how precious you are. Good luck! Strontium
Author dubberfromCT Posted July 9, 2004 Author Posted July 9, 2004 Strontium, bubbles and eveyone else who posted, thanks. Everyones input has helped me put this in perspective so that I can live life better right now. Im still down at times, but your comments and suggestions will help if there is any chance that we get back together. so if anything happens, I will update. Thanks again! btw her name is Liz and she just graduated HS
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