monkey00 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) So I don't know if it's just me or if women these days have a hard time traveling far to meet a guy (as in 40+ minutes). I live in NY and I've been dating or trying to organize dates and it seems like pulling teeth to get them to come to the city to hangout. Is it wrong to want them to travel that long to see me? Is convenience really that important to women? Or are the interest levels in these women just not that high? Examples: Girl a) Lives in Queens, but when I suggested Lower Manhattan for a date she didn't get back to me till a few days later about doing it next week instead. I don't think this girl goes to Manhattan much. (best guess is 1 hour commute) Girl b) Lives in Long Island, I suggested to get together this weekend. She agreed to a time and place for a 2nd date in Manhattan. Then she cancels the day before but suggests to do it sometime during the week instead (I'm guessing afterwork works better because she's already in the city compared to having to commute to the city (an hour) to see me on a weekend and then having to go back. I have other examples also, but the situation was more complicated. I've had another woman that lived in Manhattan and insisted we not leave it so she could be closer to home. Is distance really a deal breaker in this day and age? Edited June 17, 2012 by monkey00
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 From personal experience, never been an issue. Not sure how things work over there but in Los Angeles it can be quite difficult with traffic to get to one place to the next, so being 30 to 40 min drive away from eachother is pretty reasonable...haven't really had distance be a main issue at least in my experience even If it was a few hours. It's possible they aren't interested in LDR because they've been in them before and may not be interested in doing it again...I know for myself that would have been a reasonabe factor for me in the past.
Author monkey00 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) From personal experience, never been an issue. Not sure how things work over there but in Los Angeles it can be quite difficult with traffic to get to one place to the next, so being 30 to 40 min drive away from eachother is pretty reasonable...haven't really had distance be a main issue at least in my experience even If it was a few hours. It's possible they aren't interested in LDR because they've been in them before and may not be interested in doing it again...I know for myself that would have been a reasonabe factor for me in the past. Well pretty much here everyone takes the train to get where they need to be. Thinking back I've had this not be an issue for certain women in the past I've dated...but then they were kind of eager for a LTR. So I wonder if that kind of puts things into perspective a bit more. Your last paragraph kind of put that into perspective for me. If I was dating someone and was lukewarm about it...I would have to question whether it was worth it to travel an hour to see them. On the other hand if I really did like them then that hour wouldn't matter. At the end of the day though, I have to play by their rules. Otherwise I don't think I'd be able to get anywhere with them. Edited June 17, 2012 by monkey00
tivoconga Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 From my perspective, I can certainly say that I've said no to dating girls who are an hour away - at least if they expect me to do the hour drive all the time. In the beginning, when you don't know the person, an hour one way is tough, after you've been dating for a while, it's not a big deal. That said, it can be a substantial barrier in the few dates/months - imagine havign to drive an hour, versus walking 10 minutes, to see the person - huge difference on a week night if people have to work in the morning. One way to avoid this, is to try making plans in her neighborhood, as opposed to making her come to you - a lot of women appreciate guys who go out of their way to see them...with the hour drive, on some level you're making her/them be the pursuer...
SmileFace Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Living in different boroughs in NYC should not be enough of a distance to make dating difficult.
eleanorhurting Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 From my perspective, I can certainly say that I've said no to dating girls who are an hour away - at least if they expect me to do the hour drive all the time. In the beginning, when you don't know the person, an hour one way is tough, after you've been dating for a while, it's not a big deal. That said, it can be a substantial barrier in the few dates/months - imagine havign to drive an hour, versus walking 10 minutes, to see the person - huge difference on a week night if people have to work in the morning. One way to avoid this, is to try making plans in her neighborhood, as opposed to making her come to you - a lot of women appreciate guys who go out of their way to see them...with the hour drive, on some level you're making her/them be the pursuer... definitely! If I have not even been out with you once and you are the one that is inviting me, you should come to me. Or at least agree to meet you halfway. And its not like the woman who suggested doing it during the week canceled on you she just suggested a time that was more comfortable for her. You can't expect people to drop their lives for someone they have not even met once. Unless there was like some sort of exchange through the internet that was very meaningful (like people who email back and forth for a long time and then decide to meet).
Jane2011 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I'm okay with a 30-40 minute drive that's mostly on the freeway as long as 1) I really like the guy, and 2) he lives in an area where there's lots to do. The most important to me is #1. I'd drive that far/long a time for a guy who I really like even if he doesn't live in a fun area. But I wouldn't drive that far for a guy I didn't like that much even if he did live in a fun area.
FitChick Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I've traveled thousands of miles to meet someone and have had men travel thousands of miles to meet me. It depends on how serious you are about finding Mr or Ms Right. Some people are lazy or needy and settle for convenience.
Pyro Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 FTR my wife and I were 14 hours apart (16 between October and March) so I wouldn't say that it's always a deal breaker.
Jane2011 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 The most I've traveled for a guy is about 30-45 minutes. The most a guy has traveled for me was about 180 miles (3 hours) every other weekend -- occasionally consecutive weekends -- for about six months.
carhill Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Living in different boroughs in NYC should not be enough of a distance to make dating difficult. Yeah, agree and to a native (even for myself, as a non-native) NYC is easy to traverse and at low cost. Someone who uses distance as a final excuse, meaning you've (OP) offered to close that distance and they still continue on that tangent, is a dry hole. Topically, when my exW and I were dating, it was a two-hour round trip via auto to our respective domiciles. We'd sometimes 'meet in the middle' when doing a non stay over date.
LittlePrince Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Women prefer long distance since it is just a form of unrequited love which is their forte and why they are hopelessly in love with unavailable men.
carhill Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Women prefer long distance since it is just a form of unrequited love which is their forte and why they are hopelessly in love with unavailable men. That can certainly apply to one subset of women IME, but as a generality it's likely over-reaching. Personally, I've met both extremes (distance no object and distance deal breaker) and many in the middle. However, that said, if/when someone at a distance expresses desire and 'connection' and doesn't proactively attempt to bridge the distance gap or 'meet in the middle', meaning compromise, I see this as the unhealthy 'fantasy man' syndrome you allude to and, for myself, those potentials which I pursued turned out to be unhealthy in general.
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