Johnny85 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I met a truly amazing girl a few weeks ago. Since we met, we have been hanging out A LOT. We have had sex several times. Yesterday the sex was absolutely awful, as it felt forced and I had pressure to perform, essentially due to not being able to get it up on a previous occasion. So to clarify, we have been seeing each other a lot and I have been sleeping over at her house 3 times per week. Honestly I have felt exhausted and not slept too well as a result of not being in my own bed in piece and quiet. She sometimes refers to me as her boyfriend but among her friends she says we are just friends. It is so obvious that we are more than just friends. So tonight we go out with some friends to a bar and all of a sudden she pulls me aside. We go and talk and she wants to know if we are lovers, friends or in a relationship. I suppose I answered her question in a very diplomatic way and told her essentially that I like her but I don't like to force attraction; I want it to come naturally. Then she proceeds to tell me that she feels forced to always spend time together with me and that she is really tired from work and would just like to hang out on her own. She tells me that there is no other guy. I agree with her and tell her that we have been hanging out a lot (which is true, I am exhausted, she has so much energy). We have seen each other 5 days this week. I think it's good that she is communicating this to me. We are both only children. So at the bar she was touching me etc. But I am careful cause I don't want her work colleagues to think that we are just sleeping around, which is what we are doing right now. So 15 minutes later she excuses herself and says she wants to leave. She is tired. Then she asks if I want to go home with her. I tell her my friend is crashing at my place tonight so it would be hard. I propose I drive to her house at 2 am and she says it is too late. My friend was with 2 very cute girls and before she left she said she felt jealous. So I drive home at 1 am (my friend left early to go to his place) so I call her. She tells me she wants to sleep by herself tonight. That is fine; I understand. I tell her good night and to sleep well. But now I feel as if though I am suffocating her and I don't want that. I want it to flow naturally. I should mention that I told her this earlier in our conversation and that she says that sometimes it flows naturally and sometimes not. I have dared enough women to know that I can't force chemistry. It can surely be manipulated but in the end it always reveals itself. I just wanna be myself and if it's not meant to be then I am fine with that. The tricky part is that I don't feel like contacting her till she contacts me, for I don't wanna be that annoying guy who is pushy and/or annoying. So she should contact me next time. The problem is that if I don't contact her, she'll think A) I am either angry or ; B) I am not into her anymore. But since I feel as if though she is suffocated by spending time with me, I don't want to push it. What do you think? was she letting me down easy tonight? I should also mention that I know a lot of her friends from work and I perhaps feel like she feels pressure to see me as a result of that. Just a theory! Hmm I should also mention that she has tried to make me jealous by 1) bragging about a guy giving his contact info to her and 2) telling everyone at the table that some guy at the bar was hot (we were all trying to hook two friends up with girls and she said that if they went up to the girls, she would go up to the guy). She said I looked angry when she said that. I told her that the only person I expect something from is myself; I can't control her or tell her what to do. In other words I don't expect anything from her. Lol So am I overreacting? I feel as if though it is her turn to contact me. She wants space; I'll give it to her. Right? What do you think?
carhill Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I read this thread and will opine over-thinking might be more appropriate than over-reacting. My read here is that you have been a guy to hang out with and have sex with. Sounds pretty normal for your generation. Date other ladies. She signals this by introducing you as a friend to her friends. She can disassociate sex from exclusivity and the label of boyfriend. That's valid. Reading the other thread, I got the feeling of over-investment potential. Guard against that. It's a sure-fire way to get hurt and this dynamic is too short-lived to warrant it. Did I mention date other ladies? Diversity stems the tide of premature over-investing in one potential. Lastly, refrain, or attempt to refrain, from anticipating or projecting how she might, should or will feel. Focus on your own feelings and ask her questions like 'how do you feel about that?' Example(not advice): 'I prefer to allow attraction, love and commitment to flow freely. How do you feel about that?' Good luck. 1
gaius Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 She seems into you based on your story. She was probably testing you by saying she didn't want to hang out so much. Girls who really don't want to hang out so much usually don't invite you back right after having that conversation. It's possible she's not introducing you as her boyfriend because she doesn't know if you're her boyfriend or not. You're having ED problems, wouldn't say your boyfriend and girlfriend when she asked, refused an invite to her house in order to hang out with your friend who's with 2 cute girls. Are you sure you're into her?
InJest Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Keep sleeping with her but make her do all the chasing. Start going after other girls, until this one changes her tune.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 Haikus Baltar, :-) Firstly, trust me, the ED with her is something that has really been bothering me. I have no problem getting an erection on my own, but with her, sometimes it feels forced (and it pressures me psychologically; in other words, it is more psychological than anything else). However, now she thinks it is because of her. I mean, she asked me and I told her it wasn't her. She is attractive! Secondly, in regards to the boyfriend/girlfriend topic, she started off the conversation last night by saying that she feels forced to see me all the time; otherwise she feels like I won't like her. I haven't been pushy at all; we have simply been going out a lot as we have mutual friends. She proposed we go out together in the beginning of last week. She called me last night as promised and said that she was going out with her friend and to meet her (she even said she may be going out, to which I said "I understand if you're tired, maybe I'll see you later). So my point is that since she feels like we see each other too often and she feels "exhausted" with me, why would I answer her question with "yes I want a girlfriend!"? Thirdly, she is all over the place! Right after she told me that she wants space, she asks me if I want to come over to her place and spend the night! I told her that I couldn't come until later for my friend was suppose to crash at my place. So I suggested later and she said it was too late. She said she got jealous about me staying with my friend and the two girls. That was certainly not deliberate on my part. Fourthly, I told her that I don't expect anything from her. I don't wish to force attraction or comfort with her. And I told her I like her but I'd like to get to know her better to see if she is right for me. Fifthly, she has this thing where she talks to a lot of guys and flirts. She is European so she is more touchy and open than most American girls. She made a comment about a guy in the bar last night. Later on she looked at me and said I got angry/upset with her when she said it. Hmm! I don't know why she would me looking for a reaction from me? She did this the other night too when this guy gave her his number. She talked about it to make me jealous! Or maybe she did it to drive me away? I am not contacting her till she contacts me. She wanted space and that's what I'll give her. Words mean something to me! I think this was her way of distancing herself from me; in a nice way she is saying that she isn't into me. What do you think?
Author Johnny85 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Well she contacted me today and we're going to the movies! She is sending me mixed signals. Lol
TheFinalWord Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Well she contacted me today and we're going to the movies! She is sending me mixed signals. Lol Personally, I think you went from friends to lovers way too quick. The hanging out together a lot should come have come later. You've already progressed the relationship (or whatever you want to call it) into things that occur in a serious romance, all in less than a month. What is left to do at this point? Now you want to stop and go backwards? Never have seen that work before, but maybe you can 1
dasein Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Agree, too fast. Spending way too much time together for just a few weeks. She has given you a pass, so back way off. Always sleeping over early in a sexual relationship is a mistake I and friends have made many times. Go home and sleep in your own bed, cut contact way down, mostly for asking out for the next date. Keep dating. Stay over -occasionally-. This woman doesn't have anything left to win, she got you in a couple weeks, no challenge. As some of the relationship gurus say, give her the gift of missing you. Good luck.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 So we went to the movies together, which was great. She looked really sexy and was very nice. It all flowed freely and we were both being ourselves. We had great sex that night and stayed up talking all night long. I suffered the next day. I went over to her house the next day (yesterday) to watch a movie. She was grumpy (which is fine) but I didn't really feel comfortable with her. We had sex and I thought it was great and very sexy. She later on complained about not having an orgasm. We talked about that for a while and she seemed really disappointed. Since we hardly slept the night before, I told her that I wanted to sleep at home. I could tell she felt cheap; I later on texted her that I enjoy holding her but I needed to rest. Something that I found irritating was that when I told her I wanted to go home she expressed that she didn't like that (I understand that). She went to the door and opened it kind of a symbol for "get the heck out." Two nights ago she made a reference about adding our relationship on Facebook. Hmm I don't even know if we're a couple. I feel confused. And she goes back to her own country in 4 months. It's not a poor country but I just know nothing good can come from this. Why push for a relationship if she's just gonna leave. Hmmm she doesn't seem to have a great past of relationships. She seems a bit promiscuous. Which are typically the girls I get involved with, seeing as I am introverted and promiscuous women are more outgoing and free spirited.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 As far as the moving too fast is concerned, I see it differently. If you don't have sex with a girl within a few dates, she moves on and some other bloke will bang her instead. 3-4 date max if you don't seal the deal, you may as well go and swim with the seals. Lol
SJC2008 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 As far as the moving too fast is concerned, I see it differently. If you don't have sex with a girl within a few dates, she moves on and some other bloke will bang her instead. 3-4 date max if you don't seal the deal, you may as well go and swim with the seals. Lol Depends on the woman. I thought the 3 date rule was a guy thing lol. How old are you? If you want a serious r and can wait a little for sex take it slow and BUILD a relationship with a woman.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Haha everyone is different but in my experience if sex doesn't occur within the first 3-4 dates, a sexual and emotional bond is difficult to establish. On other words, sex = emotional attachment. I am 26; she is 29.
TaraMaiden Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 As far as the moving too fast is concerned, I see it differently. If you don't have sex with a girl within a few dates, she moves on and some other bloke will bang her instead. 3-4 date max if you don't seal the deal, you may as well go and swim with the seals. Lol Aaaah, lovely! And who says Romance is dead....?
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