skyisfalling Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 So here I am, DAY 9 or 8 NC, I forgot, I dont like to count, and I hate weekends. I'm sitting here in my room drinking a glass of wine and just trying to relax while NOT thinking of my ex. At least Ive been good and I haven't contacted him. I now realize its time for me to move on and am in the process of working on myself, but I can't help but feel restless. I'm not sure what i want to say, I guess I'm venting I suppose. I stare at my phone ever so often "just in case" but I also know i'll never contact him ever again- not after that what I pulled 10 or 11 days ago ( i forget) when i begged him to talk to me and threw my pride away. NEVER AGAIN, F*** that, but i can't help but feel the loss and my heart is mourning. Maybe I need a rebound.. anyone also restless on a saturday night like today??
StarlaStardust Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Sky, I just read your thread about what happened at the bar. Wowwwwww you are better off without this guy. I'm trying to stop swearing so much, so I can't really go on about how much he sucks.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 he is indeed a douchebag. but the funny thing is, as much as i KNOW he is a douchebag I can't help but htink of all the good memories we shared together and then he doesn't seem so bad. Its funny how your heart can play tricks on you even though you know in your mind he's not great. How are you tonight Starla? What you up to?
coltsfan1 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Sundays are my worst day, I hate spending them alone. But I have a rebound and I just try to sppend time woth her.
StarlaStardust Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I am in the same boat, lovely Miss Sky. I keep hoping he will come back to me (and as a changed man, of course), and I fight reaching out. I had the most spelndiferous day even with all the pining and confusion and conflict that runs through my head throughout all the fun and distraction, and I'm feeling really proud and happy that I am able to enjoy life even though my mind is on a tragically obsessive loop. Now I'm just relaxing at home and contemplating the type of man I'd really like to be with (you know, one who has the decency to return a series of phone calls, and who is also interesting and attractive, etc., etc.). And from there I am contemplating the type of woman I'd really like to be and how I can make that happen for myself. It feels really good to focus on myself this much. One thing is for sure: If I did get back with my ex at this time, I wouldn't have all this beautiful free time for creating an amazing existence for myself. I know I would end up abandoning the endeavor, cuz that's been my M.O. when there is a man around to provide a sense of security and validation. I'm not going to give this endeavor up for anyone right now, and I will fake it till I make it, if I have to! I have said this at least a couple of times, but I just keep looking for the blessings in a break up, and the distraction-free opportunity to fall totally in love with myself feels very moving and charmed. I just keep switching the channel, so to speak, to healthy, positive things, even when it feels like I'm kidding myself. This is not to say that part of a healthy reaction to a break up is not spending some time feeling sad and lost. It's just important to really slather on the love and compassion for yourself while you do it. I literally say in my head and sometimes out loud, "I forgive me," and "Love to me." Some of you might think I'm a total nutjob now since I just admitted to talking to myself:P, but I'm trying to keep my mental soundtrack clean and choosing sound bytes that help me instead of hurt me. 2
Tiera D Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 sky,saturday nights wont suck anymore if you are not staying at home,do not stay at home,stay outside as long as possible,staying at home is when the demons haunt dumpees,its when you have more time to think about exes.trust me at this one NC+staying outdoors=Quicker healing TD 1
StarlaStardust Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I am basically a loner, so the opposite is true for me. Going out reminds me too much of my ex. I do better chillin at home. Hope you wake up feeling better than you felt last night, Sky.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 Hi Starla hope your day so far is going well. I was such a mess last night, I dont understand. I thought I was doing well, I was on here basically venting away telling myself and telling the world what an ass my ex was. Then in a fit of rage, I called him. He of course didn't answer and it went to vmail and I left him the nastiest, hateful message EVER. I woke up this morning thinking, crap wtf did i just do. I'm never ever drinking again and the phone is my enemy. NC DAY 1, here we go again
SerCay Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 So here I am, DAY 9 or 8 NC, I forgot, I dont like to count, and I hate weekends. I'm sitting here in my room drinking a glass of wine and just trying to relax while NOT thinking of my ex. At least Ive been good and I haven't contacted him. I now realize its time for me to move on and am in the process of working on myself, but I can't help but feel restless. I'm not sure what i want to say, I guess I'm venting I suppose. I stare at my phone ever so often "just in case" but I also know i'll never contact him ever again- not after that what I pulled 10 or 11 days ago ( i forget) when i begged him to talk to me and threw my pride away. NEVER AGAIN, F*** that, but i can't help but feel the loss and my heart is mourning. Maybe I need a rebound.. anyone also restless on a saturday night like today?? I feel ya .. I'm at day of NC (I can't help but remember the days :$) and here I am sitting at home Sunday evening..thinking about how that a*shole and I used to cook together and eat, and then catch a movie at the cinema for the past 2 years.. To all you sweeties hurting, this too shall pass
StarlaStardust Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I won't lecture you on the perils of drinking, sky... Just sending you big hugs! Day 8 for me, and I'm doing great today. I got a long email yesterday from a man I nearly rebounded with, but he rubbed me the wrong way and I ended up backing off. The email was super duper annoying, anxious, controlling, and insecure, and i felt tempted to just shoot an email back or ignore it entirely, but he did request that I call him to give him my response. And being a victim of the silent treatment myself, I sucked it up and called him, even though he's a bit of a nutter, and he said he wasn't going to be my friend if I wasn't interested in dating him. I said okay and goodbye... all in all, it took about 6 minutes to have this basic 2-way conversation. Something about handling this situation the way I wish my ex had handled it has made me feel free and released from some of the agony. I am holding my head high today, knowing that I do truly deserve someone who can show the same level of respect that I'm willing to offer, even if it feels annoying and uncomfortable.
RogerWallace111 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I'm experiencing similar stuff and feel for you guys... Even after a week of feeling surprisingly, knockonwood-type-of content/hopeful, the weekend days will see me hit with those hopeless, fearful feelings (though notably toned down after 2 weeks nc, thankfully). "I just keep looking for the blessings in a break up, and the distraction-free opportunity to fall totally in love with myself feels very moving and charmed. I just keep switching the channel, so to speak, to healthy, positive things, even when it feels like I'm kidding myself. This is not to say that part of a healthy reaction to a break up is not spending some time feeling sad and lost. It's just important to really slather on the love and compassion for yourself while you do it." Really relate to this, Starla, nice to see it put in words... Even when you feel like you're kidding yourself is a key bit for me. Sometimes the things I hold dearest to me - time with friends/family, creative expression, exercise/health - don't feel like adequate distraction, or seem depressingly lackluster, in light of the ex's absence. But, at least for me, by the time I've pushed myself to go through with or do these sorts of things, they're always at least a mild comfort. I might go run till I can't in hopes to escape that same fear, just to have it return after, but there's always some solace to be taken in that sort of proactive, self-benefitting progress... It is a tragic cycle, nice choice of words. That sad time when youre extremely happy and caught up in the moment, only to feel the need to check yourself, as you remember what you've been going through and fear it's return. Even when you could honestly not give less of a **** at the time... I love my natural tendency to maintain full faith in the potential of the future, even if there are moments when my logic is over ridden by some undeniable, deep pang of hopelessness.
StarlaStardust Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I am the opposite of you guys, it seems. I am mostly fine in all my free time and on the weekends, but I feel worst when I'm stuck at work. I sit at a desk all day, and all that energy has nowhere to go. It feels like torture. I've started forcing myself to take a walk around the block every 2 hours.
RogerWallace111 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 yeah i've felt that in past situations, but my job is pretty interesting/engaging at this point so that helps. Weekend nights are typically when i feel the best and have the most fun, but the days tend to have a wistful quality...
CopingGal Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Rebounds are bad. It interferes with healing. It prevents you from processing the relationship and you end up making the same mistakes again, plus using the rebound person. Just cool out and take it easy. Spend some time with yourself.
StarlaStardust Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I didn't actually rebound with him, and I ended up telling him several times that I was going on a dating strike and not rebounding. I should have avoided him entirely, but I felt so hurt and weak, I did *almost* go there. We never got further than a few hugs. He made it easy to back off by being totally annoying to deal with, yay. I am missing my ex very badly tonight. He's "stupid" and immature, but I do miss him dearly. Blah. I can't help but feeling like I've lost my soul mate. Day 8 NC almost over.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Aww starla virtual hug. I know it sucks lets be strong. I am full on regretting what I did but since I broke contact I feel like letting loose. I know 100% there is no chance for is again after what he put me through but I cant help but feel like sending him a **** u letter for all the things I couldnt say. What do u guys think
StarlaStardust Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I say write the letter, and do not send it. It'll be therapeutic for you. But really, really, really do not send it. Thanks for all the support. It's really quite helpful!
Author skyisfalling Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 im so pathetic. i can't believe i groveled.. where the **** is my pride. Starla youre story kind of made me laugh. haha, the part where you had 6 minutes to have a basic conversation hearing him out because you didn't want him to be a victim of the "silent treatment" HAHA if there is anything we learned from our exes, its that silent treatment is evil and no matter how annoying we suck it up and hear them out. I just opened up a post about writing a letter to my ex but im stronger than this. I maintained 10 NC and I will continue sticking with it. I'm going to focus on myself and stop trying to think about the worthless ex who left me. Lets do this. I'm ready. Whose with me??
StarlaStardust Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I'm with you! Even if I keep thinking that there must be some really good reason he refused to speak with me. I just can't stop giving him the benefit of the doubt, and I keep thinking if I ask the right way, he will open up. This is my brain trying to make sense of the silent treatment. Day 9 NC. I keep reminding myself of all the crappy things in our relationship, like how I used to feel this urgency to resolve our issues immediately as they came up, because we had plans for the next day (he moved an hour away at the end and gas is expensive, so we didn't want him driving all the way here just to have unresolved stuff hanging over our heads), or even supposedly had bought concert tickets for us for a concert that would be the next day. If it weren't for the plans for the next day, or the concert tickets he bought, I would have wanted to take care of myself and my emotions so I could more effectively and peacefully handle our disagreements when we're both calm (we both cried and got really emotional and victim-y. and it was no good for effective conflict resolution), but instead we "pushed through" it all against my better judgment, even if we were hysterical, so the tickets/gas wouldn't go to waste. We'd both be tired and emotional and we'd sorta get through the fight, only to have him say "btw, I sold the concert tickets because I'm broke," or "btw, I can't come see you tomorrow, because I don't have gas money." Honestly, I don't think he ever bought the tickets those times. Nearly every fight we had, and there were only 4 fights in 9 months, was rushed to a half-assed resolution and brought out the worst in me in the process, because (and I would SAY THIS to him when we were fighting) we had plans the next day. And then after the fight was all over, he'd tell me he has to cancel the plans because of money. I think part of him chose fighting as a distraction from the fact that he couldn't afford to follow through with our plans and was extremely nervous about telling a girl that. What's funny is if he had told me directly that money was becoming an issue (although at the end, he kept making vague references to needing to "compromise about things," without ever mentioning specifically wtf he was talking about), we could have figured it out together. I have a job and I have money. Funny how I found his POF profile not too long ago and he described himself as highly open and honest. I think he actually believes this about himself, too. Sigh. Finding that profile is what made me decide to go full NC. Here I am trying to learn and grow from the experience, and he's still in total denial about some serious issues he has. Even if I did get him to listen and come back to me, I can't be with someone who is so closed off and yet advertises himself to be the opposite. Have a great day, Sky! I am on vacation from work and will spend it with my best friend, and she won't let me break NC.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 I'm with you! Even if I keep thinking that there must be some really good reason he refused to speak with me. I just can't stop giving him the benefit of the doubt, and I keep thinking if I ask the right way, he will open up. This is my brain trying to make sense of the silent treatment. Day 9 NC. I keep reminding myself of all the crappy things in our relationship, like how I used to feel this urgency to resolve our issues immediately as they came up, because we had plans for the next day (he moved an hour away at the end and gas is expensive, so we didn't want him driving all the way here just to have unresolved stuff hanging over our heads), or even supposedly had bought concert tickets for us for a concert that would be the next day. If it weren't for the plans for the next day, or the concert tickets he bought, I would have wanted to take care of myself and my emotions so I could more effectively and peacefully handle our disagreements when we're both calm (we both cried and got really emotional and victim-y. and it was no good for effective conflict resolution), but instead we "pushed through" it all against my better judgment, even if we were hysterical, so the tickets/gas wouldn't go to waste. We'd both be tired and emotional and we'd sorta get through the fight, only to have him say "btw, I sold the concert tickets because I'm broke," or "btw, I can't come see you tomorrow, because I don't have gas money." Honestly, I don't think he ever bought the tickets those times. Nearly every fight we had, and there were only 4 fights in 9 months, was rushed to a half-assed resolution and brought out the worst in me in the process, because (and I would SAY THIS to him when we were fighting) we had plans the next day. And then after the fight was all over, he'd tell me he has to cancel the plans because of money. I think part of him chose fighting as a distraction from the fact that he couldn't afford to follow through with our plans and was extremely nervous about telling a girl that. What's funny is if he had told me directly that money was becoming an issue (although at the end, he kept making vague references to needing to "compromise about things," without ever mentioning specifically wtf he was talking about), we could have figured it out together. I have a job and I have money. Have a great day, Sky! I am on vacation from work and will spend it with my best friend, and she won't let me break NC. Vacation days! Yay!! I know you have mixed feelings and you're going through an emotional rollercoaster, so am I. But I'm here with you and we're riding it out together, so lets stay strong for each other because we both know we deserve better. Have an amazing time with your bestie today, you deserve it!!
StarlaStardust Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Thank you, sky! You seem like SUCH a sweet girl, who deserves someone who will bring out the best in her, not leave her feeling short-changed and bewildered. I had a fabulous day indeed with my best friend! There was that constant drip of thinking about my ex, but I can see how time will heal me in the end, and until I get there, I will be loving on myself and transforming into an even more spectacular person:) I hope you're doing alright, too.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 UGH another weekend without the ex, here we go again..
kallen84 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I know what you mean my mine wonder the most on Sat nights its tough my heart feels like it skips a beat sometime.
Author skyisfalling Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I didn't live with my boyfriend or anything but being alone at home on a saturday is pretty lonely. I still check my phone ever so often and of course its nothing. I've gone out with friends yesterday and all last night, but for some reason, i find myself feeling hard to be alone.
Recommended Posts