freestyle Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Actually--it seems like that's how half of the affairs you read about nowadays start----on FB. 2
Silly_Girl Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 And, if so, isnt that pretty risky? We were FB friends early on, although he barely uses FB. Wasn't risky at all because he and her weren't FB friends. Just another way their lives were oddly disconnected.
shayla Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 That's how my ex's affair started with the other woman...a friend of a friend on FB. Apparently, many affairs start this way.
skylarblue Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 No. Besides the fact that I don’t use FB, xMM has always said no way. His W regularly checks his FB.
MissBee Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 No. I don't remember if he had FB at the time. But it wasn't an issue. When we began the A FB was still something only those with a valid college email address could use and not the free-for-all it is now. So at the time it wasn't a big deal and as common place.
SoMovinOn Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 We are FB friends. It's not risky, it would look more strange if we were not.
RickFox Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 At the time I did not have a FB account, my wife did and they were friends. My xMW would send messages all the time about me and I guess she figured my wife wouldn't pick up on it but ohhhhh man she did. She would write, "best day ever with you know who" or she'd post a link to song dedicated to me.....without saying it was for me. Thing is, it was my wife's account I didn't look at it, I found this stuff out later and I had to ask her what the hell were you thinking...then again, I sometimes think she wanted to get caught, that she got off on walking the line and wanted to see my marriage go under. So now, at just about 39, I am one of those "losers" with a FB page, mainly to keep in touch with my sister and as a link to my job, however, at the beginning of April when I started picking up my daughter at the front of the school (where I used to) as I no longer cared about seeing xMW, I found out that she had sent me two messages that were stored in the "other" folder. One said "hey" and the other said "hi", both sent a week from each other. Seeing that, it infuriated me that she dared contact me after all the bs we'd gone thru. I then couldn't figure out how, since we aren't friends and Im not FB literate but I found her fb page thru her mom's website and blocked her
maysapphires Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) The first two months or so we weren't. I told him that even though it was ridiculous it really bothered me. He added me. In the grand scheme of things it's not really a big deal, but it meant something to me so he made it happen. ETA: As far as it being dumb and risky.. She knows about me. When he added me to his fb, he deleted her. She knows we're fb friends. She knows we talk on the phone every day. I've spoken to her multiple times. Edited June 17, 2012 by maysapphires
imperfectangel Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I don't understand why anyone would want to see pics of their ap with their arms around their h/w and/or their kids, even now, I feel I've come quite far but that would upset me during the affair it would have destroyed me
Anela Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Actually--it seems like that's how half of the affairs you read about nowadays start----on FB. That's how one cousin's affair started. He was bored, seemingly having some sort of mid-life crisis, and looked up a girl he'd dated on-and-off when he was younger. He claimed she was the love of his life. He looked her up, it turned out she was very willing to cheat on her husband, and not long after that, was trying to hook him into leaving his wife. They weren't facebook friends, and it turned out that his wife never suspected a thing, because he was the man who gave her faith in men and love again, twenty-odd years ago.
Author TooInvolved2 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Posted June 17, 2012 We are FB friends. It's not risky, it would look more strange if we were not.Why is that? At the time I did not have a FB account, my wife did and they were friends. My xMW would send messages all the time about me and I guess she figured my wife wouldn't pick up on it but ohhhhh man she did. She would write, "best day ever with you know who" or she'd post a link to song dedicated to me.....without saying it was for me. Thing is, it was my wife's account I didn't look at it, I found this stuff out later and I had to ask her what the hell were you thinking...then again, I sometimes think she wanted to get caught, that she got off on walking the line and wanted to see my marriage go under. So now, at just about 39, I am one of those "losers" with a FB page, mainly to keep in touch with my sister and as a link to my job, however, at the beginning of April when I started picking up my daughter at the front of the school (where I used to) as I no longer cared about seeing xMW, I found out that she had sent me two messages that were stored in the "other" folder. One said "hey" and the other said "hi", both sent a week from each other. Seeing that, it infuriated me that she dared contact me after all the bs we'd gone thru. I then couldn't figure out how, since we aren't friends and Im not FB literate but I found her fb page thru her mom's website and blocked herI'm sure that was her motivation, at least in part. I'd think almost anyone in an A wants a certain amount of "thrill." Posting insinuating, vague messages on FB for a spouse to see would only heighten the thrill. It's tempting for me too. But I dare not. The first two months or so we weren't. I told him that even though it was ridiculous it really bothered me. He added me. In the grand scheme of things it's not really a big deal, but it meant something to me so he made it happen. ETA: As far as it being dumb and risky.. She knows about me. When he added me to his fb, he deleted her. She knows we're fb friends. She knows we talk on the phone every day. I've spoken to her multiple times.Oh, you mean it bothered you that you two weren't FB friends? I'd love to hear the backstory on your A. The ETA you posted sounds interesting...
LoveTKO Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 No we're not friends on FB. Some of our mutual acquaintances are going to find this very strange should they find out that we're not.
SoMovinOn Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) We are FB friends. It's not risky, it would look more strange if we were not. Why is that? For a few reasons... first of all, because her and I are friends, so it would be normal for us to do whatever friends do (like share things on FB) and would look suspicious if it were missing. Additionally, and unfortunately, her H has also become "friends" with me, in that we have a lot in common, share a number of common interests, and run into each other on a regular basis as a result ... so any amount of ignoring or avoiding her, or them, or him, would likely look suspicious. Which should not be taken by anyone as me saying I like or endorse this situation. ... and everything either of us might do on FB is limited to normal, mundane, friend stuff - nothing which would indicate we have, or might have, some more involved R, nothing which anyone might see and discover something. We never message or chat online, never anything incriminating via electronic means - not FB, not email, not cell phones... nothing. Edited June 17, 2012 by SoMovinOn
Alice2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) And, if so, isnt that pretty risky? Being Facebook friends with an AP doesn't necessarily mean risk unless you use it for private messaging and posting to and "liking" posts/pics on each other's walls. Are you under the impression that MM friending you on Facebook would mean MM wants that "serious relationship" you said you're after? Like he would be taking a risk just for you? Edited June 17, 2012 by Alice2012
Radagast Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 And, if so, isnt that pretty risky? We were Facebook friends. She introduced me to FB. My then-lover was also Facebook friends with my father, and his Facebook photo album had many pictures of the two of us together, as well as the pictures we had on our pages. Our Facebook status openly said we were in a relationship. There was no risk in this. The only person at that stage that did not know about the affair was my then-wife and she was not on Facebook and in fact only joined recently (we are not friends, on Facebook or in real life).
Radagast Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I don't understand why anyone would want to see pics of their ap with their arms around their h/w and/or their kids, even now, I feel I've come quite far but that would upset me during the affair it would have destroyed me No such pictures of us ever existed. The only pictures of myself and my ex-wife were taken shortly after the birth of our oldest child, when my parents came to visit to see the new baby. My ex-wife and I are seated on opposite ends of a long couch, she holding the baby and looking at it, while I am looking the other way. She looks angry, I look sad, which I guess sums up our entire marriage. My father had these photos on his Facebook page and took them down out of respect for my then-lover.
confusedinkansas Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 No - We're not FB Friends. Here's why - After our last move (about 3 years ago) from where my XAP knew I lived to our new condo - I posted on FB "Moving is such a bitch" XAP Emailed me about 2 days after the move "So I see You Moved!" - He was obviously FB stalking. Even if you mark your account friends only there are still things people can see & find out - so I BLOCKED HIM....I had my husband block him too. He didn't need to see what we were doing all the time. I can't see his page & he can't see mine. If we can't be friends in real life there's no reason to be facebook friends -Right?
Silly_Girl Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I don't understand why anyone would want to see pics of their ap with their arms around their h/w and/or their kids, even now, I feel I've come quite far but that would upset me during the affair it would have destroyed me My guy didn't even own pictures like that in the first place, let alone put them on FB. We'd not have lasted if that had been the case. And yes, as an AP I imagine it would be really upsetting to see that sort of thing.
Ducky23 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Yes we're friends on FB. MM and I were friends first and I live part-time with him and W, she's my friend on FB too, so it would be strange if we weren't. Ours is a stupidly complex A where she has 0 clue and it's staring right at her
Summer Breeze Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Facebook for me is for connecting with my family and some distant friends. I don't do the whole relationship status thing and I don't air my dirty laundry for everyone to see. I have my account very well protected and I never really looked at his. It's just not that important to me.
Greengrasshoppers Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Yes we're friends on FB. MM and I were friends first and I live part-time with him and W, she's my friend on FB too, so it would be strange if we weren't. Ours is a stupidly complex A where she has 0 clue and it's staring right at herThat sounds about right. Every shut eye aint asleep.
MissBee Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Facebook for me is for connecting with my family and some distant friends. I don't do the whole relationship status thing and I don't air my dirty laundry for everyone to see. I have my account very well protected and I never really looked at his. It's just not that important to me. I don't do this either and never plan to...until I'm married, then I'll put that I'm married but until then, if you know me in real life, you know if I'm in a relationship or not, don't need to put up a status about it.
Got it Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 While in the affair we weren't connected on facebook nor was he and his wife. Neither one of us is on Facebook that often either, just isn't my thing. I don't update much about myself on it but use it to stay connected with old friends, etc. I keep it pretty locked down, always, did, and it is only personal friends, my work is all through Linked In. I don't mix the two and nor does dMM now.
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