bsacamano69 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 This is a little long but bare with me. I wanted some objective advice rather than just asking my friends. I’ve been friends with this girl for 4 months now. I’m 22 and she’s 20. I’ve had 1 serious girlfriend before and have never really had a problem falling into the ‘friendzone’ until now. I asked her out a few weeks after we became friends and we went on a date… the thing is that she told me that it was pointless because she’s not a relationship person or she at least doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. I waited 3 weeks and asked her again only to receive the same answer. I wasn’t expecting anything different, but I liked her enough to try again, it’s not like I had anything to lose. To me, saying “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” translates to “I don’t think of you that way but I’ll let you down easy by using this ‘relationship line’.”… correct me if I’m wrong but if the ‘perfect guy’ were to be interested in her, I don’t think she would tell him that she’s not a relationship person. So now the 2 of us are good friends and I seriously thought that I could handle it, but I realized that the more time we spend with each other the more I like her. I don’t want to jump the gun here… but I might be in love with her. There have been times where she’s extremely adamant to hangout with me and other times where she’s blown me off (whether the reasons for her blowing me off were true or not, I don’t know). She calls me almost every day and we talk for hours… I don’t know if she does this out of boredom, friendship, or if she’s starting to like me. Sometimes I feel like she uses my friendship whenever it’s convenient for her and other times I feel like she’s starting to like me as more than a friend. So, I have a couple questions: 1) Based on what I told you guys, is it possible that she’s starting to change her mind about me or is my wishful-thinking causing me to be delusional? 2) Because I feel like I am in love with her I’m constantly feeling emotional pain. If there is no chance, I have been considering telling her that maybe we shouldn’t interact on a regular basis anymore... I still don’t know if I should tell her that though. I’m going to need a lot of time to get over it as I’ve pathetically fallen head over heals for her. I feel like telling her that we shouldn’t talk for a while is childish, but at the same time, every time I hang up the phone after talking with her or every time after we hang out, I feel completely depressed. She has no idea that I’m feeling this way because I’m really good at hiding how emotional I am… I feel like being THIS emotional is a turn off for most girls. Anyways, is it selfish/immature of me to not be able to just put my feelings aside and continue the friendship? 3) I’m having a very hard time getting over her. I know I need to let go but my emotions are causing me to not think clearly, so I want very rational/logical answers please. Thanks guys.
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I asked her out a few weeks after we became friends and we went on a date… the thing is that she told me that it was pointless because she’s not a relationship person or she at least doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. This means: If I want a relationship, it is not with you. To me, saying “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” translates to “I don’t think of you that way but I’ll let you down easy by using this ‘relationship line’.”… correct me if I’m wrong but if the ‘perfect guy’ were to be interested in her, I don’t think she would tell him that she’s not a relationship person. See above. So now the 2 of us are good friends and I seriously thought that I could handle it, but I realized that the more time we spend with each other the more I like her. I don’t want to jump the gun here… but I might be in love with her. Sounds like a heavy case of infatuation. 1) Based on what I told you guys, is it possible that she’s starting to change her mind about me or is my wishful-thinking causing me to be delusional? If she would, she would tell you. Probably she thinks you can handle the friendship as a friendship. It is possible that she is not aware of your infatuation with her. 2) Because I feel like I am in love with her I’m constantly feeling emotional pain. Anyways, is it selfish/immature of me to not be able to just put my feelings aside and continue the friendship? This is not a friendship. So yes, continuing the friendship would only hurt you. Oh and at the end you will feel "used", even though you entered it with your eyes open. 3) I’m having a very hard time getting over her. I know I need to let go but my emotions are causing me to not think clearly, so I want very rational/logical answers please. Thanks guys. Get out of this "friendship". It may hurt you now, but it will save you a ton of heartache in the long run. 1
stillafool Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I think you should tell her "I'm going to have to cut contact with you for a while. I want more from you than just friendship and seeing and talking to you daily is not helping me." After that start asking other girls out. If she wants you after that she will let you know. You are right if the "perfect" guy came along she may want to be in a relationship with him and you'd be left on the side in a friendzone. Don't let yourself be used. 1
lovinglife21 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Classic case of 'she's just not that into you' Cut contact, and move on, if she comes back then she comes back xx 1
LoverOfDance Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Oh my God, I'm so glad I went through what I went through cause now I feel like I can help others who are going through something similar. I'm still trying to get over this guy. I told him how I felt but I also told him I didn't want him to do anything about it cause he has a gf. Even if I hadn't told him that I know he wldn't have done anything about it. My situation is very similar to yours because he kept pulling me back in as well. He is my dance teacher. He wld ask me if I liked a song and then do a choreo to the song if I said yes. He wld pick me to perform even in times when I wasn't doing well. He wld look 4 me after class and try 2 make sure I hadn't gone home. He did other things too but I'll stop here. I just felt like it wld never work. I couldn't do it. If I let him I know he would have made me "the other girl" and there was no way I was down 4 that. As much I like/liked him and I think my infatuation was just as deep if not deeper than yours, I had to let him go. I know exactly how u feel. U have to let her go. Que Sera, sera(what will be will be) - That's what I always told myself. If u guys are meant to be together, nothing u do will prevent it and if u guys are not meant to be, nothing u do will make it happen. I know it's difficult but try and move on, u'll be fine with or without her. 1
D-Lish Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 I wouldn't go overboard if you have a "talk" with her. I certainly wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing how deeply you feel for her. I'd tell her in simple terms that you don't think it's a good idea to remain friends and leave it at that. You CAN'T stay involved in a friendship with her, it'll ruin you. 1
Recommended Posts