adurrant Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Hello Everyone, I have been separated from my ex girlfriend for 2 months now, the reason she broke up with me is because she didn't want to be in a relationship, we we’re together for almost 3 years, she said that she could get over the fact that I spoke to a girl online, 2 and a half years ago! (flirting etc, no physical contact nor intention) & she said that this is defiantly it, but I feel like this is our first breakup, no love was lost (or so I believe), but since the break up, she's been cold, she hasn't seen me since a week after the breakup when I went to go meet her which was hard (this is when she said the above), she has been going out clubbing a lot since the breakup, I did contact her at times during the past two months, wanting to talk for a while, but then its went on to be jokey and when she knows I'm out on the town clubbing she wants to meet up with me, but only when she's had a few to drink, I just say I'm free on a certain day (with no drink involved) but she won't have it, it's always been me starting the contact, I'm now thinking of going no contact, she does seem fine, she asked me a week ago if I was happy, I said yes (didn't want her to think that I needed her), she said she was happy too, I said some things just don't change, then she just replied 'well we're moving on now aren't we', I asked her to do something fun just as friends (ice skating), but she says that it wouldn't be a good idea as it will just mess with our heads, I really want this girl back, I feel like it's a really unfair breakup like not justified ( i know life isn't fair but this one is just strange), she always responds to my texts, but never really lets anything about us getting back together go, at first when we broke up, I tried sending her a letter, going to see her, I'm changed a lot (good ways) but I can't make her see that, seeing that she won't see me, the last text I sent was ' if you want to go ice skating just as friends then let me know' that was over a week ago now with nothing back, I feel like she's just going ahead with this now because she's started it so she'll finish it, I'm her first love and everything and I feel like we really connected, do you think it's a good idea to go no contact even though it's been two months? she's going away in 3 weeks for a 2 week holiday, I was hoping during that time she will have time to think and hopefully miss me, but I don't want to live in hope, I'm more of a 'go get her' kind of guy, but that doesn't seem to have got me anywhere this time, she's really stubborn but I really know that we can make this work If I am given the chance.. I just need her to see that.. how do you think I should go about things? NC ? be in no NC until after she comes back off holiday then give one last go (really go all out) or try to be her friend? (which I would find really hard, seeing that I'm still totally in love with her), also what I didn't mention earlier was that she seems quite curious to see if I'm dating again or if I have anyone on the go, but she said she wouldn't mind someone did come along for me (which I think is a lie) How would you guys proceed? Think it’s wise to not contact her for a while (the longest we’ve been without contact is two weeks), or shall I not put any time limit on it and just wait until she contacts me? Or shall I just go all out? If so when and how so, maybe with another letter seeing that things have now settled down? Shall I be firm and say this is it otherwise I’m gone and I can’t be friends, or shall I continue down the friendship route? With just joking about stupid things, she’s a very complicated girl and Ive been through breakups before but this is totally different, there was no arguments, no hate, the week before we broke up, we had the best week we’ve had in a long time! Just an update: checked over her facebook for the first time in two weeks, she seems to living it up a little, constantly going out to clubs etc.. I haven't spoke to her in almost 3 weeks (longest we have gone without contact)
Philosoraptor Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Were you in a committed relationship when you were talking to another girl online? And was it a dating site? Either way she is hurt and set a boundary. Respect it and just do what is best for yourself as if you'll never see her again.
Author adurrant Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 Thanks for your reply yeah it was online, a little inappropriately, it happened over two and half years and to be honest she did a very similar thing, which we got over, but she just didn't seem to get over it, she's a very insecure girl, so doing that wasn't the most wised things I've ever done, I did my best to make up for it but I think I was a little bit too much supportive with it, after time I should of been a little firmer with it, like she was. this is all what happened in the relationship, otherwise it was mainly just your normal ups and downs. there was no cheating nor intention too, when the talking took place it was at a difficult time in the relationship, which is no excuse. but yes I've been NC for almost 3 weeks now, hopefully she'll change her mind, but even if she doesn't, I've been working on myself ether way, which has had good results
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