SmileFace Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Definitely, but that should be the case when assessing relationships in general, no? Besides, I don't see what's so wrong with a guy genuinely wanting to be with a girl for reasons other than looks. That is a completely different matter from a guy being with a girl whom he doesn't find attractive just because he's desperate, etc. Me, personally, as long as his actions show that he loves and cares about me and the relationship, I'm all good. Yeah but how many people actually actually assess relationships in that manner? I agree with you - I don't see how a relationship starting based on looks is bad thing. Figuring out what else they find attractive after between each other is key.
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Besides, I don't see what's so wrong with a guy genuinely wanting to be with a girl for reasons other than looks. Problem is a lot of people are not honest about that, or are somewhat "creative" with the truth - why they enter the relationships, what they really feel, what they want, etc..
Els Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Yeah but how many people actually actually assess relationships in that manner? I agree with you - I don't see how a relationship starting based on looks is bad thing. Figuring out what else they find attractive after between each other is key. People should definitely try more often. It works. Problem is a lot of people are not honest about that' date=' or are somewhat "creative" with the truth - why they enter the relationships, what they really feel, what they want, etc..[/quote'] Yep, I agree. That is why looking at their actions is so important. Someone who is with someone else simply because he's settling is very unlikely to invest a lot of effort into the relationship, or even genuinely know how to love a person, because what he has for her isn't truly love.
SmileFace Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 People should definitely try more often. It works. Yep, I agree. That is why looking at their actions is so important. Someone who is with someone else simply because he's settling is very unlikely to invest a lot of effort into the relationship, or even genuinely know how to love a person, because what he has for her isn't truly love. Thats why they are so many relationships that fail. People think they can continue a relationship on intial attraction - however many relationships shouldn't have even started. Thats why I am single
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Thats why I am single It might also have something to do with your avatar. Thats why they are so many relationships that fail. People think they can continue a relationship on intial attraction - however many relationships shouldn't have even started. But back on topic: it is perfectly possible that these beautiful girls are well aware of that, and hence choose to protect themselves by not getting involved in the game. After all female sexuality is viewed with much more suspicion that male sexuality. 2
SmileFace Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 It might also have something to do with your avatar. Yes, it must be the size of my head....since that is the only way I resemble my avatar lol I can truthfully say I can't really comment on the intial idea of this thread. Even if I find myself attractive - I am still single. So who knows -is it me protecting myself, not settling or just not that attactive. 1
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 You think like one ... at least an LS male. You have no self confidence and you think the reason why you can't succeed with the opposite sex is because of looks. I can't speak for the other LS males, but I'm still pretty sure that's at least part of my problem. I agree. Their standards for sex aren't that high, at least from what I hear a lot of them say. But if a guy is dating you, publicly calling you his girlfriend, and having sex with you, it's safe to say he thinks you're well in the realm of a pretty woman. Nah.... each of my exes publicly called me his girlfriend, openly dated me, etc. for 6+ months, and only told me upon the break-up/right after that they'd been with me only out of desperation/boredom. Conclusion is, you can never really know what's going on in a partner's brain, so don't even try to assume that A = B. I'd say once the guy has married you, then it's safe to bet he probably thinks you're pretty. 1
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Nah.... each of my exes publicly called me his girlfriend, openly dated me, etc. for 6+ months, and only told me upon the break-up/right after that they'd been with me only out of desperation/boredom. Conclusion is, you can never really know what's going on in a partner's brain, so don't even try to assume that A = B. A relationship of "convenient access to sex" - that is probably all it was to them. You deserve better than that. I hope you have learned to pick up a few cues from their behavior to prevent getting into similar relationships in the future.
threebyfate Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 A relationship of "convenient access to sex" - that is probably all it was to them. You deserve better than that. I hope you have learned to pick up a few cues from their behavior to prevent getting into similar relationships in the future.No. She just twists what they say in the end, to the default position that it's got to do with her looks. They could say the sun rises in the east and this would point towards her looks.
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 A relationship of "convenient access to sex" - that is probably all it was to them. You deserve better than that. I hope you have learned to pick up a few cues from their behavior to prevent getting into similar relationships in the future. The only commonality I saw is that they were men, and all of them were nerdy. So, nope. I'm still not sure I really buy that there are super attractive females who think they're not attractive. ThaW, they might just be saying that to appear humble. No. She just twists what they say in the end, to the default position that it's got to do with her looks. They could say the sun rises in the east and this would point towards her looks. I don't know how it's possible to twist "I was never physically attracted to you, but there wasn't really anybody else, so I thought I'd give it a shot." That seems pretty clear-cut to me.
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I can't speak for the other LS males, but I'm still pretty sure that's at least part of my problem. Nah.... each of my exes publicly called me his girlfriend, openly dated me, etc. for 6+ months, and only told me upon the break-up/right after that they'd been with me only out of desperation/boredom. Conclusion is, you can never really know what's going on in a partner's brain, so don't even try to assume that A = B. I'd say once the guy has married you, then it's safe to bet he probably thinks you're pretty. They're just jerks. I would have held out. What reason would they have to tell you that unless you pried it out of them. Even if I dated somebody I thought was unattractive for other reasons, I would never tell them that.
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 They're just jerks. I would have held out. What reason would they have to tell you that unless you pried it out of them. Even if I dated somebody I thought was unattractive for other reasons, I would never tell them that. I pried it out of them, they told me directly... what does it matter why they told me? The fact is, they told me. The end. It doesn't make them jerks... just honest. At least now I know. So, is it possible the hot girls are just saying they don't think they are actually attractive in an attempt to appear humble? (And thus more desirable.)
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 The only commonality I saw is that they were men, and all of them were nerdy. So, nope. I meant more like behavioral patterns. Did they pay compliments to you? Was there anything peculiar about the ways they acted around you? Around the initiation of sex? Things like that.
threebyfate Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I don't know how it's possible to twist "I was never physically attracted to you, but there wasn't really anybody else, so I thought I'd give it a shot." That seems pretty clear-cut to me.Hmm...that's not you've previously stated they said. This is your interpretation of what they said.
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Hmm...that's not you've previously stated they said. This is your interpretation of what they said. No, actually, the last guy said this one directly. I meant more like behavioral patterns. Did they pay compliments to you? Was there anything peculiar about the ways they acted around you? Around the initiation of sex? Things like that. Nope, nothing similar except "male" and "nerdy." Just like ya can't affair-proof your marriage, sometimes ya just can't "desperation-proof" the guy who pay attention to you.
threebyfate Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 No, actually, the last guy said this one directly.Don't make me dig through your posts to post what was previously stated.
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Don't make me dig through your posts to post what was previously stated. Be my guest. Not sure why you are so stuck on proving this.
threebyfate Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Be my guest. Not sure why you are so stuck on proving this.Because you post perspectives that shift, to generate maximum sympathy or whatever your needs of the moment require. If I pull it up, won't make much difference since like last time, you'll flip out after being proved wrong. So...all I'm going to say is that until you break out of this obsessive fixation, nothing will help. 1
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Because you post perspectives that shift, to generate maximum sympathy or whatever your needs of the moment require. If I pull it up, won't make much difference since like last time, you'll flip out after being proved wrong. So...all I'm going to say is that until you break out of this obsessive fixation, nothing will help. Yes, my obsessive fixation with why guys dump me. While telling me I'm ugly. And immediately dating hotter girls. Obviously I make all of this up to get sympathy. Honestly, you and I would be much happier with you putting me on Ignore. So what exactly are you waiting for?
Jane2011 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I can't speak for the other LS males, but I'm still pretty sure that's at least part of my problem. Nah.... each of my exes publicly called me his girlfriend, openly dated me, etc. for 6+ months, and only told me upon the break-up/right after that they'd been with me only out of desperation/boredom. Conclusion is, you can never really know what's going on in a partner's brain, so don't even try to assume that A = B. I'd say once the guy has married you, then it's safe to bet he probably thinks you're pretty. Well, if you're going to go so far as to say that you can't know a guy thinks you're pretty even if he's openly dating you, calling you his girlfriend, etc., then we may as well extend it to even if a guy marries you. People probably get married to people who they aren't that attracted to physically, as well; maybe the person takes good care of them, maybe the person is so devoted, one just feels one should marry him/her. As a matter of fact, one of my close friends got married to a guy two summers ago and is still with him and actually wrinkles her nose a little bit when talking about his looks. It's pretty f*cked up. I'm in awe of her decision to marry him, given that she says "he's not my physical ideal." They're married because they have this deep friendship and companionship that works for them. I have to concede your point, though, on the grounds that I myself have dated a guy who I only thought was okay looking. This was ages ago (circa 1999). I was dating him out of boredom / just wanting companionship. I did call him my boyfriend though. Not proudly, per se; just mechanically. The one thing I did like about him was his phone voice. I was highly attracted to him while talking to him on the phone, but otherwise...ehhhh...I wasn't feeling him too much. It was an anomaly, though. It's the only guy I have ever dated and stayed with who I didn't even think was physically attractive. There was another guy I dated and had sex with who I didn't have deep feelings for, but I did think he was physically attractive. There are always exceptions to things, but for the most part, people you date openly are people you think are physically attractive. I've dated and had sex with way more men who I thought were physically attractive than I have that rare guy who I was just seeing out of boredom / companionship. Sorry to hear you've been the girl version of that person a few times, though. To be honest, most of the time, I think a guy thinks I'm attractive if he's dating me because I think I'm attractive. I can easily wrap my mind around a guy not thinking I'm attractive if he's not dating me. But if he is, I assume the more positive because I already have basically positive self-regard when it comes to looks. But I do think a guy could think I'm very pretty and still think he'd rather have a different kind of pretty than me, if he had his druthers.
USMCHokie Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Even if I find myself attractive - I am still single. So who knows -is it me protecting myself, not settling or just not that attactive. The issue is many folks, both men and women, will judge their attractiveness on their ability to find and keep a relationship...so if they are single, they must not be attractive... 2
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I pried it out of them, they told me directly... what does it matter why they told me? The fact is, they told me. The end. It doesn't make them jerks... just honest. At least now I know. So, is it possible the hot girls are just saying they don't think they are actually attractive in an attempt to appear humble? (And thus more desirable.) It matters because people most people (unlike you and I and Somedude) have the amazing gift of being able to tell themselves what they want to hear. I worked with this woman who met and started dating a very good looking man. We found out later that he really wasn't that attracted to her and was basically using her for sex and companionship because they were working in the middle of nowhere. But she told herself that she was able to get a really hot man and that was the level she deserved from now on and that he dumped her for other reasons. And since he nor us revealed the truth to her, who's to say she is wrong. Most people pump themselves up instead of down. But that's one of the things I like about you.
threebyfate Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Yes, my obsessive fixation with why guys dump me. While telling me I'm ugly. And immediately dating hotter girls. Obviously I make all of this up to get sympathy. Honestly, you and I would be much happier with you putting me on Ignore. So what exactly are you waiting for?Ah yes, the "ugly" appeal. Even the following most recent quote doesn't point to these guys calling you ugly. I don't know how it's possible to twist "I was never physically attracted to you, but there wasn't really anybody else, so I thought I'd give it a shot." That seems pretty clear-cut to me. Such a control freak. If people don't stroke you, you flip out.
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Ah yes, the "ugly" appeal. Even the following most recent quote doesn't point to these guys calling you ugly. Let's do a fun GRE exercise. "Physically unattractive" is to ______ as "Blue" is to "azure." Correct answer: ugly. Such a control freak. If people don't stroke you, you flip out. Not a control freak. Just very, very sick of you popping into threads just to insult me, and then me getting blamed for thread-jacking.
SmileFace Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 The issue is many folks, both men and women, will judge their attractiveness on their ability to find and keep a relationship...so if they are single, they must not be attractive... I agree...don't need to comment more since I don't care to self reflect right now. However its hard to be logical sometimes.
Recommended Posts