ThaWholigan Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Quick one before I go to this wedding party...... I keep on encountering a lot of girls who think they aren't as attractive as other girls - when in fact they are actually incredible looking women. This is something I have seen ever since I was 13 years old. I met quite a few really BEAUTIFUL girls and women who were always single and never had boyfriends or much concrete interest as some other girls. I always wondered why this was. I was still always insecure myself back when I was younger and never asked them out, but as I got older I realized this phenomenon is still happening. Conversely, even the ones who know they are attractive tend to have little concrete interest shown to them. I'm not talking typically hot girls, I mean like REALLY BEAUTIFUL girls . So why is this? Are guys intimidated by you, like I was when I was a little younger? Or do you think it's that you don't believe yourself to be attractive enough?
Els Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 The problem with this question, OP, is that hot girls who think they aren't hot, aren't going to think they are hot, so they aren't going to answer this. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 The problem with this question, OP, is that hot girls who think they aren't hot, aren't going to think they are hot, so they aren't going to answer this. Probably, but it has to be asked somehow lol. I admit - it's a hard concept for me to fully grasp, all I have are my typically wild theories . 1
Jane2011 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I'll answer in terms of some hot friends I have. I'm thinking of two in particular who give off a very self-deprecating vibe, as if they are actually envying other women and don't think of themselves as hot. I think they think of themselves as hot. They just don't feel right acting like they think they're hot, so they don't. Which I think is...sweet of them. I don't know. One of my girl friends is about 5'7" and weighs about 120 lbs, has beautiful thick light brown hair, pretty eyes and face in general. She's always saying, "I wish I were more like you" (to me). She knows good and darn well that she wouldn't trade her looks for mine. She just says these things...for what reason? I don't know. The other one covers herself from head to foot 90% of the time as part of her religious beliefs, but she knows she is a hot person. She and I were teaching assistants in grad school together, and she told me that one of the things she always wonders about during the course of the semester is how many of the boys have fallen for her. We giggle about that. She's very humble in general and seems to feel uncomfortable and 'aw shucks' when people tell her she's beautiful. But she knows she is. I really don't think there are many hot women who don't know they're hot, no matter how they may act on the surface. I think a lot of hot women are extremely nice, though. I don't think it's fair of people to say hot women are bitches. I'd say some of them are, and many more are not. 3
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I'll answer in terms of some hot friends I have. I'm thinking of two in particular who give off a very self-deprecating vibe, as if they are actually envying other women and don't think of themselves as hot. I think they think of themselves as hot. They just don't feel right acting like they think they're hot, so they don't. Which I think is...sweet of them. I don't know. One of my girl friends is about 5'7" and weighs about 120 lbs, has beautiful thick light brown hair, pretty eyes and face in general. She's always saying, "I wish I were more like you" (to me). She knows good and darn well that she wouldn't trade her looks for mine. She just says these things...for what reason? I don't know. I think a lot of hot women are extremely nice, though. I don't think it's fair of people to say hot women are bitches. I'd say some of them are, and many more are not. Really? You don't think that's just a tad... mean? Telling someone you'd totally like to be like them, even though it's a blatant lie? It certainly not nice. If you secretly, honestly, wouldn't trade your looks, then don't say anything about looks, period. Otherwise you're just brown-nosing the other person. It seems kind of like a backdoor brag to me. 2
Jane2011 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Really? You don't think that's just a tad... mean? Telling someone you'd totally like to be like them, even though it's a blatant lie? It certainly not nice. If you secretly, honestly, wouldn't trade your looks, then don't say anything about looks, period. Otherwise you're just brown-nosing the other person. It seems kind of like a backdoor brag to me. It doesn't bother me that much. I feel like it's coming from a good place. She wants me to feel good about myself. At the very least, she wants to convey that attraction is subjective and that guys like my type too... Also, I do think she ultimately wouldn't trade her looks for mine, but I don't think she's 100% lying when she shows a little envy of my type versus hers. People always think the opposite of them, or traits they don't have, are somehow something they wish they could get. She refers to herself as "big" when we are talking about ourselves in relation to each other. And she is. I'm only 5'. But she's not "big" by any stretch of the imagination. She's skinny. She just means she's "too big" as in what she thinks of as "too tall." 1
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I think a lot of hot women are extremely nice, though. I don't think it's fair of people to say hot women are bitches. I'd say some of them are, and many more are not. Some are nice. Some are smart. Some are mean. Some are messed up. Hotness is a poor predictor of other attributes, even though we are forced to sit through tons of cr*p / commercials / movies, that are suggesting otherwise. With regards to some beautiful women not having partners. Could be the case that the good men are intimidated by their looks, and that they are not interested in being mindf*cked by the more dubious characters out there. If you are assuming such ulterior motives, then yes, your looks can work against you. 3
mesmerized Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 It doesn't bother me that much. I feel like it's coming from a good place. She wants me to feel good about myself. At the very least, she wants to convey that attraction is subjective and that guys like my type too... Also, I do think she ultimately wouldn't trade her looks for mine, but I don't think she's 100% lying when she shows a little envy of my type versus hers. People always think the opposite of them, or traits they don't have, are somehow something they wish they could get. She refers to herself as "big" when we are talking about ourselves in relation to each other. And she is. I'm only 5'. But she's not "big" by any stretch of the imagination. She's skinny. She just means she's "too big" as in what she thinks of as "too tall." lol, my ex once said something like he wouldn't date an obese woman and I took it personally and cried I'm nowhere near obese. He was shocked that what is wrong with me and why I am upset...In my head I was a big girl so I took his comment personally even though he was dating me... A few weeks ago I read something online about one of the top VS models who was complaining about men never talking to her/approaching her. In her case, it's probably intimidation because not only she is incredibly beautiful she is rich and famous too...
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Quick one before I go to this wedding party...... I keep on encountering a lot of girls who think they aren't as attractive as other girls - when in fact they are actually incredible looking women. This is something I have seen ever since I was 13 years old. I met quite a few really BEAUTIFUL girls and women who were always single and never had boyfriends or much concrete interest as some other girls. I always wondered why this was. I was still always insecure myself back when I was younger and never asked them out, but as I got older I realized this phenomenon is still happening. Conversely, even the ones who know they are attractive tend to have little concrete interest shown to them. I'm not talking typically hot girls, I mean like REALLY BEAUTIFUL girls . So why is this? Are guys intimidated by you, like I was when I was a little younger? Or do you think it's that you don't believe yourself to be attractive enough? After the age of ~ 23 or so, never, none. Before that, yes there are a few. Because they were geeky in high school and social status plays so much of a role in which women are considered desirable, there are a few hot women (especially Asian ones) that slip through the cracks and they are humble and even self deprecating. But college and raging male hormones fixes that fast. I would even go as far as to say there are very few women who are above average who don't think they are attractive. I mean, most of the women here rate themselves as 7s at least. Whether they are or not is besides the point. Meanwhile, there's hordes of male posters here who think they are Quazimodo. Some of them have PMed me photos and they are decent looking guys. There must be a reason why. Who knows? The only exception is V. I think the males of LS should give her honorary XY status.
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 The only exception is V. I think the males of LS should give her honorary XY status. I'm a dude?
Jane2011 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 lol, my ex once said something like he wouldn't date an obese woman and I took it personally and cried I'm nowhere near obese. He was shocked that what is wrong with me and why I am upset...In my head I was a big girl so I took his comment personally even though he was dating me... haha, yeah, that is, I must say, way oversensitive. If he's dating you and having sex with you, he thinks you're good-looking. I think I used to question, too, "how pretty" a guy I was with thought I was. Like, it wasn't enough that he thought I was pretty; I needed to know how much so. But I decided to stop being complicated and just assume he thinks I'm hot if he's having sex with me 1
verhrzn Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 haha, yeah, that is, I must say, way oversensitive. If he's dating you and having sex with you, he thinks you're good-looking. I think I used to question, too, "how pretty" a guy I was with thought I was. Like, it wasn't enough that he thought I was pretty; I needed to know how much so. But I decided to stop being complicated and just assume he thinks I'm hot if he's having sex with me Uh, unfortunately that isn't always true in the modern world. A lot of guys "settle" for girls, because they can't get the ones they really desire. Not saying that is the case with you or Mesmerized, but pretty much all of my exes weren't attracted to me physically, but were still sleeping with me. It usually came out of desperation, and maybe even a little wanting to prove that they weren't "shallow." (One of my exes would get really angry when I'd call him shallow, and then go on and on about girls' looks.) A guy having sex with you is NOT always an indication he is attracted to you, sadly. 1
mesmerized Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 haha, yeah, that is, I must say, way oversensitive. If he's dating you and having sex with you, he thinks you're good-looking. I think I used to question, too, "how pretty" a guy I was with thought I was. Like, it wasn't enough that he thought I was pretty; I needed to know how much so. But I decided to stop being complicated and just assume he thinks I'm hot if he's having sex with me I still question and don't always believe guys if they say something good about me...but I'm older and wiser now and won't show those stupid reactions.
Jane2011 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I still question and don't always believe guys if they say something good about me...but I'm older and wiser now and won't show those stupid reactions. Yeah, I hear you. I don't believe them either, necessarily. It's more like I just have decided to leave them alone as far as teasing out the nuances of their opinion of my looks. It can only hurt me to know every look nook and cranny of their minds when it comes to what they find attractive in women. I'd rather just go with "he thinks I'm pretty enough if he's sleeping with me"
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 A guy having sex with you is NOT always an indication he is attracted to you, sadly. This is absolutely true. Sometimes people prefer telling lies because it gets them what they desire. Needless to say that can seriously mess up the party that has been lied to.
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I'm a dude? You think like one ... at least an LS male. You have no self confidence and you think the reason why you can't succeed with the opposite sex is because of looks.
Jane2011 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Uh, unfortunately that isn't always true in the modern world. A lot of guys "settle" for girls, because they can't get the ones they really desire. Not saying that is the case with you or Mesmerized, but pretty much all of my exes weren't attracted to me physically, but were still sleeping with me. It usually came out of desperation, and maybe even a little wanting to prove that they weren't "shallow." (One of my exes would get really angry when I'd call him shallow, and then go on and on about girls' looks.) A guy having sex with you is NOT always an indication he is attracted to you, sadly. I agree. Their standards for sex aren't that high, at least from what I hear a lot of them say. But if a guy is dating you, publicly calling you his girlfriend, and having sex with you, it's safe to say he thinks you're well in the realm of a pretty woman.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 I still question and don't always believe guys if they say something good about me...but I'm older and wiser now and won't show those stupid reactions. Yeah, I hear you. I don't believe them either, necessarily. It's more like I just have decided to leave them alone as far as teasing out the nuances of their opinion of my looks. It can only hurt me to know every look nook and cranny of their minds when it comes to what they find attractive in women. I'd rather just go with "he thinks I'm pretty enough if he's sleeping with me" I don't beat around the bush when it comes to what I like. If I tell a girl I think she's sexy, I'm not lying . Teasing out the nuances of my opinion is the best. I get to describe every little thing about them I find hot. All it takes is one feature I find attractive, and all the others fall into place instantly, and they become hot to me. I think it's sad that a girl wouldn't believe that to be honest.
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I don't beat around the bush when it comes to what I like. If I tell a girl I think she's sexy, I'm not lying . You may not be lying. I am sure you are not lying when you say such a thing. But what reason does a girl have to assume you are not lying? Especially those who have been lied to before time and again. They may assume ulterior motives. That is where human interactions get complicated.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 You may not be lying. I am sure you are not lying when you say such a thing. But what reason does a girl have to assume you are not lying? Especially those who have been lied to before time and again. They may assume ulterior motives. That is where human interactions get complicated. Yes, which is unfortunate. I think should that happen I would have to find ways to prove the truth of my words. Actions speak louder than words they say.....
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I don't beat around the bush when it comes to what I like. If I tell a girl I think she's sexy, I'm not lying . Teasing out the nuances of my opinion is the best. I get to describe every little thing about them I find hot. All it takes is one feature I find attractive, and all the others fall into place instantly, and they become hot to me. I think it's sad that a girl wouldn't believe that to be honest. I might tell a woman she is cute or even hot if I Like her as a person to help out her self esteem even if i dont truly believe it. But i would never tell them that they were a good gal if i didnt think so. I've rarely called my girlfriends pretty or hot even if ive thought so. If i do tell them that then i feel like thats why they think i like them and that has never been the case
SmileFace Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 When guys throw these compliments freely it isn't surprising that we tend to be skeptical. However Taking a guys actions in to consideration is key.
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 When guys throw these compliments freely it isn't surprising that we tend to be skeptical. Of course not. In a bar setting / night club such compliments are completely meaningless. I actually rarely make such compliments; people who know me, know that.
Els Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 When guys throw these compliments freely it isn't surprising that we tend to be skeptical. However Taking a guys actions in to consideration is key. Definitely, but that should be the case when assessing relationships in general, no? Besides, I don't see what's so wrong with a guy genuinely wanting to be with a girl for reasons other than looks. That is a completely different matter from a guy being with a girl whom he doesn't find attractive just because he's desperate, etc. Me, personally, as long as his actions show that he loves and cares about me and the relationship, I'm all good. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 Of course not. In a bar setting / night club such compliments are completely meaningless. I actually rarely make such compliments; people who know me, know that. I like to be tactile instead of making too many compliments. I'll make a few and that's it.
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