First boyfriend and first break up

[rrseptember]

I just don't feel comfortable talking about this to the people I know so please help me out.

 

My boyfriend and I had a mutual break up last week. We've been dating for almost two and a half years and were friends for two years before that. He was my first boyfriend and first pretty much everything. Everything was perfect in the relationship. He is the nicest, most caring and the sweetest individual I've ever met. I have a lot of family issues and he's supported me through situations that seemed impossible to get over. I've helped him get back on track with school and he has supported me emotionally and lately financially through my nursing school. We shared similar goals and had similar interests and never had much of a fight. Only thing that got in the way was sex. We both were virgins when we started dating and it took us 6 months to "try" sex. We were in our twenties so it's very unusual to wait that long to have sex after dating. Of course since we both don't know what we're doing, it wasn't very good but we planned to work on it so we can have good sex eventually. Through out our relationship I've noticed that he has very low libido and mine is pretty normal. Texting raunchy photos and dressing up didn't help at all. It actually made me feel very unattractive and rejected whenever he didn't want to have sex. Everything else in the relationship was perfect. I wanted sex and he didn't. He told me several times a day that I was beautiful and perfect for him but I wanted sex as proof. He just had a very low libido and was against getting help about it such as getting pills prescribed. Eventually I got very frustrated and I didn't think I could marry a person who sexually frustrates me. That sounds really selfish but it was almost unbearable when I was sending him pictures of myself in my underwear with a condom sticking out of it, but he still didn't initiate sex when he got home. He never really knew how to respond to those texts either. I wanted him to text me back that he wants me so bad or he can't wait to make love to me but all I got was an awkward response. I know that he's not too comfortable with those things and I feel selfish for getting frustrated with him. I know he loves me but I felt rejected and unattractive when he didn't want to have sex. So we talked about it and he told me that he doesn't think he could ever make me happy when it comes to sex and I deserve to be happy all the time.

 

We broke up last week and I can't stop thinking about him. I've been living off of soymilk and water since the break up because I just can't get food down my throat. He was perfect to me in every single way except for sex. I broke down and called him few days ago and we decided to reconsider our break up. Right now I'm willing to do whatever to lower my sex drive and just be happy to have him around but it's not fair for him if I continue to be frustrated about the lack of sex and break up once more. I want to know if this is something we can work out or something that's going to hurt both of us again in the future.

 

Thanks for reading my post.

Edited June 16, 2012 by rrseptember

[Philosoraptor]

You were incompatible sexually. The bigger issue here is not that, but the fact that he refused to put any effort into it.

 

It hurts now but focus on yourself and understand that if you are patient you can find someone who does everything he did and more. For now just work on yourself and do what is necessary to heal most efficiently.

[Mega-Mama]

Oh dear, the sex is an evitably very part of the relationship and marriage in the future. If either one is not feeling the chemistry in that area then there's very likely goin 2 be unfaithfulness later in the relationship.

 

If he's not willing to mak an effort to fix that up its either cus he's tuu embarassed to, or he jus gave up - & dts not guud dear.

 

My advice now, nomatter how much yu lov him now, if the sex aint working now and yu broke up last wk, yu both might be breaking up again.

[LovelyDaze]

Mega Mama made some good points. I do think if you really love each other and sex is the MAIN reason why you parted, then I would get couples counseling together. It's worth it to see if there is some underlining cause of your ex's low libido. A therapist can help find out and you both can work on the passion and desire that is a wonderful part of any committed relationship.

 

I don't think it's worth a breakup until you guys have figured out how to put some spice in your lovelife. It sounds to me like the rest of your relationship was going good otherwise. If I am wrong, what else was troubling?