livingstrong Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Hey Guys - Going through the beginnings of a separation with my wife. She's having an EA from FB, which has been going on for quite some time. Very complicated situation but I'm having to set some boundaries and learning how to do this. Any advice on how to practice this and has anyone been implementing this in a similar situation? The situation is complicated because we are living out of state together in a big house with 3 kids and will be unable to move for at least a few months until we can sell the house and move back to our home state. Here are some of the boundaries I am wanting to implement: - A lot of the 180 behaviors - No more needy behavior whatsoever; no talking about the relationship, no spying, no pleading or bargaining...none of it - Limitation of finances: bank accounts divided, limitation of frivelous spending, etc. - NO CONTACT except as it relates to the kids - No "family" activities To name a few
KathyM Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 My suggestion would be to try to keep it civil for the sake of the kids. Make sure the kids are given plenty of love and attention from you. Don't try to turn them against your wife, but do give them some explanation as to why you are splitting up (i.e., "Mom decided she didn't want to be married to me anymore"). And leave it at that. Don't discuss the EA, just live as civil roommates until you leave the house. Good luck. I'm sorry you are going through this.
imagine Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 What do you want? Will you fight for your marriage? Will you improve yourself for the next lady? Will you tell the truth to your kids? I respectfully disagree to Kathy view, but would like to refer you to marriage builders for a professional evaluation on the marriage. I hope that you come to an early conclusion to the above questions!
Author livingstrong Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 What do you want? Will you fight for your marriage? Will you improve yourself for the next lady? Will you tell the truth to your kids? I respectfully disagree to Kathy view, but would like to refer you to marriage builders for a professional evaluation on the marriage. I hope that you come to an early conclusion to the above questions! At this point, I am discovering such toxicity and betrayal that the marriage is over. There has been betrayal and codependent behavior for years and although I am trying to save the marriage on behalf of my family, she does not wish to reconcile and continues to talk with her EA despite my wishes not too. Last week I found a letter from her to this guy (unsent from 1 year ago) stating that she loved him (even though they hadn't met since high school - just over FB and text) and that she would be divorced from me within one year. My wife has no respect for me, she is antagonistic, resentful, and no matter what I do, it just isn't good enough. Our full story is in another post "let it be broken." should you desire to read more. It's been tough and there are some rough days ahead. I am confident that everyone involved will be better off once the fog clears. I love my children immensely but cannot continue with my wife at this point. I believe she is a diseased human at this point with addiction to her phone, electronics, and has checked out of our marriage and of our family.
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