My boyfriends family are 'grieving' over his ex-wife... What can I do??

[Kellerhelen]

My boyfriend is going through a messy custody and property battle with his ex wife. While this is happening, he lives at his parents house part of the week (and with his two young children in the family home the rest of the time).*

Life is pretty hard, as we only get to see each other maybe once a week, to steal a quick coffee/kiss/cuddle together, and we speak on the phone every single day without fail. we really love each other and can see an amazing future together, but we have some huge obstacles in our way: his ex-wife and his own family.

My family has welcomed my boyfriend into the fold immediately- they think he's great.

However, his family love his ex-wife and are having trouble- angry in fact- that my boyfriend is now with me. It's been over a year, we are planning to hopefully move in together at the end of this year, however I have not even met his family- they have no desire to meet me or acknowledge that I am a part of his life. While I respect that they need time to 'grieve' for their daughter in law, I'm feeling really unsettled about it and uncomfortable. Maybe its just sn ego thing on my part, but I told my boyfriend to tell them to let him know when they are ready to meet me, and all he says is 'they aren't ready'. How can I just not worry about this so much and enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend? I've built them up so much in my head that I'm now terrified of meeting them! Help!*

Thanks, Sara*

[anne1707]

A few alarm bells ringing for me...

 

When you say he lives in the "family home" part of the week, is that with his ex-wife as well as the kids?

 

How do you know for sure his family don't want to see you? Have they told you this or is it just what your boyfriend has told you?

 

Call me suspicious but I just wonder whether they even know about you and that as far as they are concerned he is still very much with the wife. I wonder whether he is deliberately keeping you away from his family.

[Steen719]

What were the circumstances of their divorce?

 

I'm with anne....something is not right here. Also, you see him once a week and that's it? Do you have your own place? If so, why is all you get are stolen moments?

 

Idk, hard to answer because there are so many questions about it.

[Kellerhelen]

Oh it's above board and complex!!

 

Basically, they have two kids, and until they sort out the property, the kids stay in the house, when my boyfriend has them he lives in the house, then we the ex has them, she lives in the house and my boyfriend moves to his parents. When my boyfriend has the kids, his ex lives with her parents. Just till the house is settled and everyone works out where to live.

 

With our one hour per week- we both work full time, I have two little kids, and live with my parents too (sad!! I know! But my kids father left to the country a long time ago and won't see the kids. So the stolen moments are because of work, kids and the fact we live an hour apart. We definitely and completely love each other and WILL make it work once the custody/property battle is over.

 

My boyfriend and his ex had a lot of problems, she had post natal depression when they had the kids and their relati

[Kellerhelen]

relationship was never the same afte that. He left her after giving it a GOOD chance and 9 months of marriage counselling. She got angry and bitter, but she's somehow convinced his mother (who only had sons, so the ex was like her daughter) that it's all his fault etc so when he started with me, thrr was a lot of resistant.

 

My bf WANTS to be with me and even said he's happy to take me to his family and just show up, but I'm terrified of being judged and knowing/feeling their anger!! My bf admitted that they are not ready and still siding with the ex.. Not sure how to just let it go :/

[whichwayisup]

However, his family love his ex-wife and are having trouble- angry in fact- that my boyfriend is now with me. It's been over a year, we are planning to hopefully move in together at the end of this year, however I have not even met his family- they have no desire to meet me or acknowledge that I am a part of his life. While I respect that they need time to 'grieve' for their daughter in law, I'm feeling really unsettled about it and uncomfortable. Maybe its just sn ego thing on my part, but I told my boyfriend to tell them to let him know when they are ready to meet me, and all he says is 'they aren't ready'. How can I just not worry about this so much and enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend? I've built them up so much in my head that I'm now terrified of meeting them! Help!*

 

It may bother you, but it's out of your hands. You can't put a time limit on it and I think for now, put it completely out of your head as it seems it'll probably be at least another year before you meet his parents/family.