antineutrino Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I did a lot of research yesterday about direct approaching women during the day. I more-or-less know the basic techniques surrounding it.... but I just can't force myself to actually approach the girl. I tell myself stupid crap like "oh, what will other people around us think if I get shot down?" or "she's way out of my league, no way she'd want to have a little conversation." I know it's completely irrational to think that way, and I hate it. I was walking around downtown for a couple hours and never got the courage to do anything. I thought to myself afterwards, "wow... that was pretty pathetic." Surely some people will say things like "you don't have the right personality for doing direct approaches like this." I don't really buy that. One, how else am I ever going to get comfortable approaching women in any setting? Two, I've read stories online of shy people like me eventually doing it successfully. tl;dr: how the hell do I stop being such a pussy and actually get the courage to approach women?
Badsingularity Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I did a lot of research yesterday about direct approaching women during the day. I more-or-less know the basic techniques surrounding it.... but I just can't force myself to actually approach the girl. I tell myself stupid crap like "oh, what will other people around us think if I get shot down?" or "she's way out of my league, no way she'd want to have a little conversation." You have to do it. You have to do it even though you are scared. That's how you stop being a wuss. You face your fears and do it anyway. After realizing that you're still alive after a rejection you can feel proud of yourself for trying. It's a lot better than feeling like a wuss because you didn't. Once you do this a few times and realize that you are still alive and that you are brave for doing it, you will stop caring what other people might think.
Author antineutrino Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 You have to do it. You have to do it even though you are scared. That's how you stop being a wuss. You face your fears and do it anyway. After realizing that you're still alive after a rejection you can feel proud of yourself for trying. It's a lot better than feeling like a wuss because you didn't. Once you do this a few times and realize that you are still alive and that you are brave for doing it, you will stop caring what other people might think. Yeah, that's what I thought. No special tricks, just have to push through it. I have watched some videos / read some stuff on how to project confidence better: shoulders up, back straight, speak slowly and clearly, smile, etc. I can't imagine I'll be the most confident guy out there the first few tries, but I guess it's better that I'm actually aware of what needs to be done.
Badsingularity Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Also know that it is going to take a while ( months or a few years) to build up your confidence and start seeing success. Don't let this discourage you. Just keep it up. It's worth the effort in the end.
Author antineutrino Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 Also know that it is going to take a while ( months or a few years) to build up your confidence and start seeing success. Don't let this discourage you. Just keep it up. It's worth the effort in the end. Thanks for the kind words! I think I may give it another try tomorrow... Funny thing is it's perfectly easy for me to get friends, I'm confident when it comes to academics, etc. Just approaching women is hard for me.
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 (edited) Yeah, that's what I thought. No special tricks, just have to push through it. I have watched some videos / read some stuff on how to project confidence better: shoulders up, back straight, speak slowly and clearly, smile, etc. I can't imagine I'll be the most confident guy out there the first few tries, but I guess it's better that I'm actually aware of what needs to be done. To me, approaching women in public is more of a means to an end. I do it more in bars than cold but i have done cold before. To me, its about reducing the fear and hurt of rejection. And being more confident around women. I dont actually expect to succeed approaching women in public and never have. Not cold in public at least. To actually get a girl from cold approach, you have to have a certain amount of good looks. But heres my suggestion... go out in public and the next time u think a woman is looking at you and it is appropriate go up to her and start talking. A few of my friends have gotten women trying this. There has to be an in or at least a perceived in. Or you could go up to random women in the market and start commenting on dairy products, but you have to be REALLY good looking to pull that type of stuff off. Edited June 16, 2012 by jobaba
Author antineutrino Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 To me, approaching women in public is more of a means to an end. I do it more in bars than cold but i have done cold before. To me, its about reducing the fear and hurt of rejection. And being more confident around women. I dont actually expect to succeed approaching women in public and never have. Not cold in public at least. To actually get a girl from cold approach, you have to have a certain amount of good looks. But heres my suggestion... go out in public and the next time u think a woman is looking at you and it is appropriate go up to her and start talking. A few of my friends have gotten women trying this. There has to be an in or at least a perceived in. Or you could go up to random women in the market and start commenting on dairy products, but you have to be REALLY good looking to pull that type of stuff off. Totally agree with the bolded part. And let's be honest, if I can do that, that'd still be a huge change for me! If I succeed, even better. To the underlined part, all of the literature / vids I've watched online say that women don't really view attraction in the same way as men. They seem to argue that you don't necessarily have to be the next George Clooney to be successful. What the truth is, I dunno.
mortensorchid Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Here's another question for you, what do you do in your professional life? Does it involve working with the public face to face? If so, how do you handle this? The bottom line is that you must get over your fears about talking to others, because you have no choice but to talk to people no matter what the case may be for business or personal. As to being a wuss, I'm sure there are things you can do for self improvement. And you should work hard towards this. Because you will miss out on a lot of things if you decide to take the easy/safe way out, and it was all your choice to miss out on them.
Author antineutrino Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 Here's another question for you, what do you do in your professional life? Does it involve working with the public face to face? If so, how do you handle this? The bottom line is that you must get over your fears about talking to others, because you have no choice but to talk to people no matter what the case may be for business or personal. As to being a wuss, I'm sure there are things you can do for self improvement. And you should work hard towards this. Because you will miss out on a lot of things if you decide to take the easy/safe way out, and it was all your choice to miss out on them. My professional life is mostly office work. But, like I said above, I haven't really had much problem with things like public speaking, making friends, etc. It's just talking to attractive women that paralyzes me! I like what you said in the bolded a lot, and you're right... we have to take risks in life.
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