tallydoo Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I'm just wondering if the spark ever comes back, and how that happens. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago. We had kind of stalled, relationship-wise, because workloads got pretty intense for both of us and we kind of started just throwing dates together instead of planning them out. Then, just when work was starting to lighten up and I was ready to throw everything back into the relationship, I got knocked with the breakup. He said: 1) I worry that we're not going to work out when you're not around. 2) I don't get butterflies when I see you anymore, but I still look forward to spending time with you. 3) He wasn't ready to marry me after a year of dating. And that was all I got. He just kept saying that he was worried and wanted a break, so we ended it. I'm glad he did, but I'm sad he didn't bring it up sooner; if I had known that he was that worried, I might have been able to do more and help him through it. But I'm not convinced that we wouldn't work out a second time around after some space. When we broke up, both of our lives were unstable (he craves stability)--I was waiting to hear about post-grad education, he didn't get his dream job and didn't think he had any other prospects, and neither of us knew where we were going to be. Plus, a mentor that he had was pushing him to propose to me (I wanted more time and was in no way pushing him for that level of commitment), and his best friend got married. So it seems to me like he got "itchy feet"/GIGS/whatever, and I love him enough to let him go for now. He started dating someone else 3 weeks after we broke up (she'd been pursuing him before we started dating, and kind of stuck around during our relationship), but every time I've seen them together it's always seemed a little half-hearted on his end. By the way, I'm by no means sitting in my house pining for him, and he knows it. We're still in limited contact (our friend circles are too close to do no contact--I tried for about a month before giving up); he tried really hard to keep me around as a friend, but I wanted some space for a while after 2 months of going back to friendship. And he responded pretty enthusiastically to me opening the lines of communication again. But anyway, for those of us who are holding out hope for reconciliation down the line, what can I/we do about the spark? Opinions of both dumpers and dumpees welcome!
Stanza Posted June 17, 2012 Posted June 17, 2012 Hi, my partner left me because of loosing the spark, I have read up intensively on it and it's possible to get it back but requires the parties to work, unfortunately you're in the same situ as me in that he's now in a rebound and isn't around to work on things. therefore we are relying a bit on them missing us and coming back first. It is possible to get back though, and I hope for both of us they see the light. Mine said he didn't have the desire to work on it - he just was missing something too much I guess. After 7+ years you kind of hope someone has the desire to work on it
Recommended Posts