Magpie_x Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 ok so i' currently stuck between two options an i could seriously do with some help on making a decision cut the long story short, my ex is struggling with his finances since we split and i moved out of the flat, the last couple of months (we still keep in contact) he refused to tell me just how bad it's gotten, i understand it's none of my business but i still care for him, an i know he can't hack the stressed as debt is now starting to pile up. now what i'm stuck on is the fact my name still remains on his electricity account, now i have contacted the service provider and they refused to take my name off the account without my ex's consent, despite me telling them i havn't lived there for nearly 9 months now. my ex now won't cooperate and won't sign a joint letter to say we both agree to the removal of my name off the account, it's not that he's trying to p**s me off or anything just now whenever i bring it up he refuses to talk about anything that has anything to do with money. as far as i know, his electricity bill has not been paid for atleast 5 months (that i know of) so i believe this is the reason the provider will not take my name off the account. i find this really unfair as at any moment i can be dragged into this. i recently sent 3 e-mails to the energy supplier stating the situtation etc but no response. i still love my ex an seriously want to try an get him help as we're both only young and i don't want his financial problems getting out of hand an it's as if he's trying to ignore it, he's never asked me for money etc so he's not using me. he's now just straight out ignoring me when i try an get this matter sorted out, i'm scared to get intouch with the energy supplier to take things further as im worried it will get him into more trouble an i will also get dragged into this mess. so what do i do? he won't cooperate so do i just fone them and try an get this resolved despite the consequences for both of us or do i leave it? i just don't want him getting into anymore trouble as it's not his fault he's having problems with money, he works hard an all his wages are gone on bills the second he gets paid but some bills he can't pay but he won't do anything about it. i'm just stuck cos i care too much to make his situation worse but it's effecting me an d i dont want to be liable to pay anything thats owed when i don't even live there. i'm stuck
d'Arthez Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Ummm, if he is living beyond his means, that is something he ought to address. You can't be living beyond your means and get away with it on the basis of sympathy. He refuses to address said issue, so the consequences are his, and his alone. Depending on where you life this idiot's behavior may even affect your credit rating. Nice. I would document everything with regards to you moving out, and trying to sort things out with the electricity company. Legally of course, you are in a difficult position, but if you can demonstrate that you have tried your best to solve these issues, you might not be dragged in for the full extent of the arrears. Correspond with both the company as well as your ex, and keep all relevant correspondence in your possession. It may even be useful to forward bits of relevant stuff to the third party (your ex's responses to your writings to the company, and the company's writings to your ex - so neither of them can claim ignorance of what is going on). I would even go as far as taking the legal route to make certain that this issue does get solved. You can't risk your name (and credit rating) on the basis of your ex behaving like a complete idiot.
Author Magpie_x Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 Ummm, if he is living beyond his means, that is something he ought to address. You can't be living beyond your means and get away with it on the basis of sympathy. He refuses to address said issue, so the consequences are his, and his alone. Depending on where you life this idiot's behavior may even affect your credit rating. Nice. I would document everything with regards to you moving out, and trying to sort things out with the electricity company. Legally of course, you are in a difficult position, but if you can demonstrate that you have tried your best to solve these issues, you might not be dragged in for the full extent of the arrears. Correspond with both the company as well as your ex, and keep all relevant correspondence in your possession. It may even be useful to forward bits of relevant stuff to the third party (your ex's responses to your writings to the company, and the company's writings to your ex - so neither of them can claim ignorance of what is going on). I would even go as far as taking the legal route to make certain that this issue does get solved. You can't risk your name (and credit rating) on the basis of your ex behaving like a complete idiot. Thank you for your reply, i have tried yet again to get intouch with my ex regarding the matter, he knows i don't want to get him into any trouble an he knows i don't want to cause any, but yet again he's took the "ignoring" route and now just refuses to reply to any of my messages regarding the matter. He doesn't even check his post, so he probably has no idea how bad the situation is now, i actually posted a letter to him 3 weeks ago that all he had to do was sign, an i included a stamped envelope addressed to the electricity supplier so all he had to do was sign an pop in the post box which is right outside the flat, yet a week ago i asked if he had recieved it an he told me he hadn't checked. i really do still love him an care but i've tried countless times sending him numbers to ring an get help an even websites but he's throw everything back in my face, i understand he's depressed but when im also the only person who knows an he won't accept any help i just have no idea what to do anymore,an he's starting to really get on my nerves. i know my credit rating is already effected by a number of issues we've had over bills an i've tried pointing this out but now it's like he doesn't care, an i feel i have no other option i hate this situation
d'Arthez Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Best thing you can do is get in touch with a lawyer. There might be some other alternatives out there, such as consumer associations to which you could turn. That might be a worthwhile alternative. The electricity company refuses to actually engage with you. All they are interested in is getting the money, and they probably feel they have a better chance of getting it from you than from your ex. Clearly you are not responsible if your ex refuses to take any action. That is why documenting everything is of key importance. I would forget about your ex in a romantic capacity. He does not look after himself, and he does not treat you with a modicum of respect. The former can perhaps be explained by a severe depression, the latter points to a huge character flaw. You can do better than that.
Author Magpie_x Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 Best thing you can do is get in touch with a lawyer. There might be some other alternatives out there, such as consumer associations to which you could turn. That might be a worthwhile alternative. The electricity company refuses to actually engage with you. All they are interested in is getting the money, and they probably feel they have a better chance of getting it from you than from your ex. Clearly you are not responsible if your ex refuses to take any action. That is why documenting everything is of key importance. I would forget about your ex in a romantic capacity. He does not look after himself, and he does not treat you with a modicum of respect. The former can perhaps be explained by a severe depression, the latter points to a huge character flaw. You can do better than that. thanks, i'm trying to seperate my feelings entirely from this as this is effecting my credit also. the only problem i have is we're both 21 i feel too uncomfortable seeking advice from a lawyer an wouldn't even know where to start. out of frustration i stupidly delete all the messages i get off him, but i do have a few from yesterday where i had tried to arrange a time for us to discuss this to get it resolved an the only replies i got were " it depends on what i'm doing" and "i'm busy" and then nothing, i wouldn't mind but he knows this has been my priority for a while, an as much as i don't want to im getting too stressed out and i need this dealt with, From now on i will save anything he sends me, an luckilly i have all my e-mails i have sent to the electricity company in my inbox. its just so stressfull, he's making this harder for himself, when all of this situation could have been dealt with months ago, yet he doesn't seem to realise that the more he ignores me the worst it's going to get. but theres only so many times you can offer support right?
d'Arthez Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 thanks, i'm trying to seperate my feelings entirely from this as this is effecting my credit also. the only problem i have is we're both 21 i feel too uncomfortable seeking advice from a lawyer an wouldn't even know where to start. You could also look for consumer advocacy groups. Not sure where you live, but using Google, or speaking to your friends, you should be able to find something. Same with advocates. Legal aid services may be available to you as well. From now on i will save anything he sends me, an luckilly i have all my e-mails i have sent to the electricity company in my inbox. Keep those messages. They will prove invaluable. Note: I am not a legal eagle, so this is just what I think is going on. Do not take my words as truth, but check with the relevant service providers: Also, insofar as you remember it may be useful to keep a bit of a log of when you have tried to communicate with him. If it comes to court action (which is possible), you don't want to end up in a situation where you have to pay, because it is his word against yours. Retrieving deleted messages might be an option, but it is unlikely that telecoms providers will happily assist you, unless there is a lawyer involved. its just so stressfull, he's making this harder for himself, when all of this situation could have been dealt with months ago, yet he doesn't seem to realise that the more he ignores me the worst it's going to get. but theres only so many times you can offer support right? That is his problem, and his problem alone. You have done your part, you have offered a million times to help out. If he is sticking his head in the sand in the hopes that his problems will disappear that is on him and not on you.
Author Magpie_x Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 You could also look for consumer advocacy groups. Not sure where you live, but using Google, or speaking to your friends, you should be able to find something. Same with advocates. Legal aid services may be available to you as well. Keep those messages. They will prove invaluable. Note: I am not a legal eagle, so this is just what I think is going on. Do not take my words as truth, but check with the relevant service providers: Also, insofar as you remember it may be useful to keep a bit of a log of when you have tried to communicate with him. If it comes to court action (which is possible), you don't want to end up in a situation where you have to pay, because it is his word against yours. Retrieving deleted messages might be an option, but it is unlikely that telecoms providers will happily assist you, unless there is a lawyer involved. That is his problem, and his problem alone. You have done your part, you have offered a million times to help out. If he is sticking his head in the sand in the hopes that his problems will disappear that is on him and not on you. you are so right, i shall just take matters into my own hands, no doubt whatever happens he'll just moan at me anyway. it's just a ticking time bomb as to when all of this will explode, as he's ignored everything else i decided to send him a message asking if he still has a copy of the new tenancy agreement which states i am no longer on the lease ( i never recieved a copy as it was sent to the flat but i had been assured by the land lady my name had been taken off when the 6 month lease was up) i thought this would stupidly make him think " she's being serious regarding this matter" but surprise or not so surprised, he ignored me, so i have actually got intouch with the landlord agency and have requested to have a copy of the new agreement sent to me, so should matters still end up unresolved i have proof that i have not lived there since "said date" it's really frustrating me and i didn't want it to come to this, i can't even remember the last time he had food in the flat so he hasn't been eating either. it's just so heartbreaking to see this happen to someone you deeply care about but i've offered my hand too many times and no matter what i say, suggest, offer it's ignored so i think i shall just go ahead an see this is resolved on my own, an *maybe* he'll get a kick up the arse an realise he needs to change his stubborn ways too much wishfull thinking i think though....
d'Arthez Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I fear he has to really hit rock bottom before he does something to change things around. It is not on you to change things around - he needs to come to terms with whatever is ailing him. As long as he refuses to do that, there is nothing you can do for him. Good that you have been in touch with the landlady. That should greatly help with the legal hassles as well.
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 He's your ex. He has no right to ask, or to expect any support form you. you really do need to ask a lawyer to send him a letter, because basically what he's doing is fraudulent extortion. And you go to his house, armed with a couple of heavies, with a written letter to the electricity company, as if from him, declaring that he requests they take your name off the bill, and that he is solely responsible for the electricity used from *date*. It's either sign the letter or face the legal consequences. it's nothing personal, but you do not deserve to be dragged into his debt problems and he has no right to do that. You - have - to - do - this. Why would you be willing to sacrifice your secure financial future simply because @sswipe here, refuses to do the right, honourable and legal thing? why? Why -?!?
Author Magpie_x Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 He's your ex. He has no right to ask, or to expect any support form you. you really do need to ask a lawyer to send him a letter, because basically what he's doing is fraudulent extortion. And you go to his house, armed with a couple of heavies, with a written letter to the electricity company, as if from him, declaring that he requests they take your name off the bill, and that he is solely responsible for the electricity used from *date*. It's either sign the letter or face the legal consequences. it's nothing personal, but you do not deserve to be dragged into his debt problems and he has no right to do that. You - have - to - do - this. Why would you be willing to sacrifice your secure financial future simply because @sswipe here, refuses to do the right, honourable and legal thing? why? Why -?!? even though this is far from a laughing matter your response made me laugh a little, your also right, no more mr nice guy, i doubt he'd do the same for me if it was the other way round, infact i bet he'd have got his name off everything within a shot if it was the other way around. i'm sick of being ignored when i've explained it's simple what he has to do and once he cooperates an this gets sorted i'm out of his life for good, so that being said shouldn't that give him the motivation on it's own to cooperate with me? i have sent him one last message saying that i have now contacted the electricity supplier (which i have) and i will not hesitate to take things further if he doesn't assist me in this, it feels like a big kick in the balls, as i've always been there to help an support him when no one else would, an at one time he'd do the same for me and i feel like after everything i've done for him he's sat laughing at me, i wouldn't mind (well i would) but i have more important things to worry about as i have just recently found out my grandad has cancer and it's not looking good, he knows this an knows im not coping well so it hurts even more he won't even help take some stress off by just getting this sorted. i have thought before about writing the letter and forging his signature (it's the easiest signature in the world lol) but i felt un-easy about doing that but knew it probably would be the only way i could deal with this quicker
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I'm sorry about the additional stress of your grandad having cancer. I hope you manage to go through it with strength and dignity. As for forging his signature, please be careful. I can fully see why you'd want to resort to doing that, but 2 wrongs don't make a right, and subterfuge of this kind can end up going against you. Ask any friends or relatives if they know a solicitor/lawyer who could do this for you. Investigate: there are some legal institutions that will provide some kind of initial legal assistance for a low fee; sometimes they will be pro bono or free of charge. All you need is a stern official letter telling him to quit being a complete jackass. People do things we would never expect them to do, that seem out of character and that we would never have dreamt they would be capable of even thinking of. You know why? because they use emotion to make their decisions. He's just being spiteful because he's messed up his own life, and you're not bending over backwards to help him out. that's emotional blackmail and manipulation. In any situation where you're potentially at odds with someone, it is of primary and paramount importance that whatever you do, you think, decide and act with your reason, your good sense and your Mind, and not your emotional, bitter and wounded heart. The former keeps you on an even keel, it's not personal, but it's self-preservation. And, excuse me, why the hell shouldn't it be? The latter - where he's coming from, and he's hoping you'll respond to - is a bad idea, and ultimately gets you nowhere.
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