CostaMesaStudent Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Ok, here I go. I met this great guy about month and a half ago. Our first date was great, we talked for 6 hours but it was about exs and things like that. The second date, he told me he liked me on the beach. He held me tight and we watched the sunset together. Third date same thing. Then we spent our first weekend together and it seemed to be great, then at the end of that weekend he told me he was confused. He thought he liked me and wanted a relationship, but then he wasn't sure. He said he could tell I was really into him which is not true. I like him but I wasn't crazy over him. I am very affectionate by the way. Anyways, after he pretty much broke up with me, we started hanging out even more, and spend time together as "friends" he has said he sees me as a good friend, but sometimes when we watch a movie, he gets close and says very nice things to me like I am HIS, or I like you. We go to different places as friends but at night, we get close. When I told him that I had a date with someone else, he didn't like it all, so I don't know if that means something. ANother thing is that I am the one who asks him to go out, but he comes prepared with clothes and drinks to spend the night. we text, he calls me when he doesn't hear from me, and he stills call me PAPI. So i don't really know what to think. HELP. We are GAYS by the way which makes it even harder.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Sounds like you're just an option...he's stepping away from emotional availability and claims to be confused after meeting you, so he is just trying to shift you from relationship material to FWB material. He thinks you're all into him and doesn't want to give you the wrong idea about what this really is, but he still wants to mess around and get close once in a while. He's just buttering you up when he's around you, then living his life without you when he's not. He doesn't want you to date other people because he wants you to himself, but not because he's serious about you. For you this will just feel like a push and pull, hot and cold. 2
writergal Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Like a vinyl record, you're being played by this guy. Sorry to say I agree with Ninja's observation that you are this guy's option. Reminds me of that saying, "never make someone a priority who only treats you like an option" or something like that. The gist is, "he's just not that into you" for a relationship but thinks you're good enough for him to have as a backup buddy to hang out with. And he knows you're emotionally attached to him so you won't be dating anyone else while you continue to hang out with him even though he doesn't want to date you. Go find a guy who is into you, who makes you a priority, who doesn't do the push/pull, hot/cold dance with you.
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 "Never settle for being an Oprion, when you should be the Priority" is, I think, what Writergal is thinking of. And she's right. as is Ninja. Excellent observations and advice. Rhough why you believe that being gay 'makes it even harder', is a puzzle to me. Why should it? You think bisexuals or heteros don't have these problems?
truth_seeker Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 He likes having you as an option when he is in the mood to see you.
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 "Never settle for being an OPTION, when you should be the Priority". ....THOUGH why you believe that being gay 'makes it even harder', is a puzzle to me. Sorry... typos.
Author CostaMesaStudent Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 Thank you, guys. I really appreaciate the advice. I already know he is not into me. He just told me that he's hurt cuz his exs cheated on him and many other things. We are going out tonight, but when I asked him if he wanted to go out, he said YES but it seemed he didn't really mean it. He still calls me and treats me nice every now and then. I don't get why we fight like a married couple. I already had 2 dates this week, both went well, and it seems one guys is interested. He has called me a few times since we met. FYI: Do you think it's okay the fact that I haven't told my "friend" that I am moving to New York in 2 weeks? And being gay doesn't mean anything really. I don't understand gay guys at all. SO confusing
Christine52 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 He doesn't want to commit to you. Right now you're giving him all the perks of being in a relationship with you without making him commit. I would back off seriously, stop being so affectionate, until he makes his intentions more clear and honorable.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Thank you, guys. I really appreaciate the advice. I already know he is not into me. He just told me that he's hurt cuz his exs cheated on him and many other things. Ah, maybe he isnt over his exes yet, and he is using you as a rebound. Stay away, he's using you to get over the ex.
Author CostaMesaStudent Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I think I just want to have someone to cuddle with until I move to New York city. I think he is not because he talks about his exs all the freaking time, so irritating. Funny to say that he broke up with the last one almost 2 years ago after 3 months dating. Weird!!! He said he might be bipolar and that he also has depression. I dont' know if that also affects his way of thinking
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 He said he might be bipolar and that he also has depression. I dont' know if that also affects his way of thinkingNo question at all. In fact, his way of thinking IS Bipolar or depressive. Unless he's under a professional therapist or doctor, take it with a pinch of salt. However, if he does have a mental condition, and it's not being treated - run, run as fast and as far as you can!!
Author CostaMesaStudent Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I mean, he said he was under medication before, now he says that his pain medication makes him feel depressed after it wears off. He is sweet, nice, and i love his sense of humor. I have bad luck with guys, my ex was an alcoholic and drug addict I am not perfect, not even great looking but the guys i date usually seem normal at the beginning, but then they show their real faces. it sucks. Now, I am depressed haha
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