jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I've heard it before. We are born with what we find attractive and can't help it. But seriously ... How has your own level of attractiveness defined and shaped over the years what you currently find attractive? Discuss...
USMCHokie Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I have argued this point since the dawn of time... And our own attractiveness defines what we find attractive because we are conditioned to be attracted to what we can attract ourselves... 1
AD1980 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Not totally,im horrible with women but i still would rather be alone then with a girl i find unattractive and i find myself picky at times But my friend who gets women all the time he finds the smallest flaws i na women that i never notice, women im kinda of iffy about hes disgusted by so i guess everyones perspetvie is different he can be amazingly picky and a jerk at times because he can afford to be
ptp Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I don't think it has that much of an affect at all. I may not be able to attract Kate Upton, but it doesn't keep me from being attracted to her.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I've felt ambiguous about my own attractiveness my whole life. I know I'm not ugly, but beyond that I waver. As a result, I've dated guys all over the "attractiveness" scale...often ones who my friends insisted they didn't see as physically attractive. I've always been attracted to them in some way though. My last serious boyfriend started to gain a lot of weight and become unattractive to me...but I pretty much just assumed that we were a match because I didn't feel as though I was that attractive myself. Interesting thread, OP. Should be a good topic for discussion.
FitChick Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I've always been attracted to the same basic type: tall, slim, nice hair (not coarse). Instead of the skinny rock star body I used to like when I was a teenager, I now prefer a man to have some muscle definition. Not bulky or ripped but toned and fit. As far as the face, I take that on a case by case basis. I prefer being the prettier one in a relationship! 1
tigressA Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I used to think I wasn't attractive, and I always had crushes on the more awkward-looking guys--they were short and scrawny and were made fun of for it (this was junior high/high school), and/or they had something a little 'off' about their face. But I could never get a date until college no matter who I liked, so... Once I became more aware of my attractiveness I realized I could 'pull' rather good-looking guys, and so my standards went up. Now, I can't imagine myself dating guys I dated 5-6 years ago when I was still insecure about my looks. The one thing I'm super-picky about and just can't abide is excess fat. I've been slim my whole life with little to no effort and I find slim figures the most attractive. If a guy is even slightly overweight, has a chubby face, etc, I don't find it attractive at all.
verhrzn Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I'm pretty sure what I'm attracted to is separate from my perception of my looks.... mostly in that I've dated guys across the whole spectrum (tall, short, slim, burly, blonde, brunette.) My attraction is rooted pretty firmly in personality: if a guy is geeky, it seems I don't even notice his looks at all, he's immediately more attractive. (Or if he's not geeky, he is less attractive.) Ironically, while I don't like my own looks, my ideal guy looks rather similar to me: short, brunette, glasses if at all possible. Not sure what that says about my subconscious...
Author jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I'm not a good example because my parents drilled it into my head subconsciously not to be too shallow, so me and my sister are both like that. I take a night class at university and my synopsis of the women in the class today were ... 3 hots, to 3 cutes, to 2 not bads. That was all 8 women in the class and it was an engineering class! That's how I thought of this topic. I'm very generous when it comes to looks. I have never thought I was attractive, but it's hard to say how much of my own pickiness (or lack thereof) comes from that or what my parents drilled in my head. I remember guys ragging on chicks they thought were nasty in college and I'd be like ... she's not too bad.
mesmerized Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I've found men and women of almost all ethnicities attractive. I'm a curvy brunette so I see the appeal in curvy women...but also thin women, tall ones short ones, brunettes blonds. When it comes to men, hair or skin color doesn't matter to me but broad shoulders, good height and some muscles are very attractive to me. Nice face is also important, gotta be able to kiss the guy SO yeah, I dunno if my own looks has really played a role if what I find attractive. I'd say for the most part it didn't.
Author jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I used to think I wasn't attractive, and I always had crushes on the more awkward-looking guys--they were short and scrawny and were made fun of for it (this was junior high/high school), and/or they had something a little 'off' about their face. But I could never get a date until college no matter who I liked, so... Once I became more aware of my attractiveness I realized I could 'pull' rather good-looking guys, and so my standards went up. Now, I can't imagine myself dating guys I dated 5-6 years ago when I was still insecure about my looks. This is what I see a lot of ... at least in my head. It seems to me college or early 20s is the line of demarcation as well. And it seems women aim up while men go down. I have met quite a few women who were geeky and couldn't get any men in high school who now demand good looking men because they've been able to pull them. And I can remember in college all the guys who used to lust after the hottest girls on campus, just to realize their level was a lot lower.
Author jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I have argued this point since the dawn of time... And our own attractiveness defines what we find attractive because we are conditioned to be attracted to what we can attract ourselves... To take it further though, sometimes women other men think are average or meh, or even dumpy and unattractive, I think are SMOKING hot. I definitely think that has to do with my overall lack of success with women.
USMCHokie Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I have met quite a few women who were geeky and couldn't get any men in high school who now demand good looking men because they've been able to pull them. EXACTLY... And suddenly their standards of what they consider "attactive" jump up because they feel that they rate that level of attractiveness from a man...and then when they get older and start losing the attention they once received, they are forced to lower the bar of what they find "attractive" until they're getting attention again... Same goes for the guys...
USMCHokie Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 To take it further though, sometimes women other men think are average or meh, or even dumpy and unattractive, I think are SMOKING hot. I definitely think that has to do with my overall lack of success with women. I think it definitely does for me...I see it all the time, especially when I'm out with my unreasonably attractive male friends...women I find attractive wouldn't even get a first look from them...
PJKino Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I think its survival instincts kicking in to find someone instead of being alone To echo what everyones saying also my really good looking friend is pretty damn picky and finds women who i swear are at lest decent looking ugly Your attraction level is what you can attract,anyhting lower then that to you is unattractive evrn if it isnt necassarily by society standards which is why very good looking people probably find average or decent looking people unattractive
manup Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I've heard it before. We are born with what we find attractive and can't help it. But seriously ... How has your own level of attractiveness defined and shaped over the years what you currently find attractive? Discuss... Girls nowadays have a huge onverinflated sense of self worth and they overrate their level of attractiveness, but to answer your question I find some girls that most would consider unattractive attractive and vice verse.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I honestly think who you date or feel you can date is based more off confidence/self esteem than your own attractiveness... I've met plenty of women in my life who just thought they were pretty,but nothing amazing and I thought they were more than pretty and really just gorgeous. But they couldn't see it in themselves so they never beleived it. And realized it had nothing to do with me. The confusing thing when i was younger was that these women were typically much more attractive than the average girl...but now I understand it a lot more. But It's still amazing to hear very good looking women complain about their butts or their boobs, eyes, eye lashes and a thousand other things, they criticize themselves for things guys aren't even paying attention to because they're like Wow, she looks great. But then their fidgeting with their dress or something that they feel insecure about and think everyone notices, and If not men other women since women compete with other women more than try to impess men..anyway that's a whole other post. Personally, I've never really regarded my own looks as good, bad, or what not...I've always felt a feeling of "good looking enough" for what? I don't know, just good looking enough! and just tried to look my best to an extent and did things for myself and how I feel about myself and let the rest take care of itself...I've always tried to improve other qualities in myself and never did thngs just to impress others, It was about myself and never really felt whether I was attractive or not that that would be my best asset or tool to attract someone, instead I try to become the man I want to be beyond that, and in terms of attraction I just figured It's not really something I can control other than looking the best I can look so why sit there and worry about just how I look...I just built confidence, and used other traits/qualities I have and be myself. What else can you do?! Therefore I'm just overall confident in myself as a whole, and If a woman I am interested is not interested in me then that's just the way it is, I don't mope around blaming myself or lack of something for it, I just move on...coincidentally i think it affects my attitude and I've never really had issues with rejection because I'm usually hard on myself, the time I get truly rejected or feel that way Is when I have a moment of insecurity and harp on myself...other than that I'm mostly unaffected. So If I'm interested I pursue, If not I do not..I think everyone has their insecurities though and I think that's what affects people most...i have my own but I won't say what they are but It's because I expect better of myself not because I've necessarily been judged or rejected for it. I think that's jsut getting in your own head, that's just defeating yourself before you even gave yourself a chance, so it's important in life to have courage and believe in yourself although it's normal to have moments where you are scared and apprehensive. 1
d'Arthez Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 For me attractiveness is an interpersonal attribute. It is in a major way defined by who you are and what you are "looking for". I have been attracted to women who were objectively not so physically attractive, to women who were physically stunning, but never on the basis of just looks - I spent time getting to know them first. For me character is much more important. You would not catch me asking girls for numbers just on the basis of looks. This certainly had nothing to do with what I consider myself physically to be - I simply do not think about myself like that other than the occasional doubt that creeps in. Even what I am looking for in a prospective long term partner (and I am not, and never have been interested in anything short term) has not really changed throughout the years. I have wizened up, and there are but a few dealbreakers for me, but what I am looking for is reasonably rare. Still there are hundreds of women out there who'd probably fit perfectly with me. The key is just finding one, and connecting to her. I have always worked on myself, to be the best person I can be, and do the things I find important. Being the best version of myself is the best way to attract people with long term potential. On some occasions I have been lucky and at others fate conspired against me. Such is life. I certainly do not see "success or failure" as a measure of my worth. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I am very aware of this and wouldn't consider dating a guy who is say 8, 9 or 10 because I simply know that I have no chance of getting or keeping him long term. In a sense, I automatically friendzone very good looking men, just like I would a man who is say 1, 2 or 3. I think that I am able to get better looking men now than I did 10 years ago, even though I am obviously older so probably less attractive. I think it's mostly to do with confidence and ability to style and polish myself to maximise my assets. I was simply clueless about all that in my early 20s. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 After my relationship ended, I had a fling with a guy who was a model. He is one of the hottest guys I have ever seen (only interested in fun though, as was I). When we went out in public, every girl we walked past would check him out, then check me out then get this "WTF" look because I don't measure up. When we went to eat, every waitress flirted with him. He got texts from about 6 different girls during 2 hour time span (when with me). There is no way I would be able to handle that, even if I could "get him". He was also one of the least intelligent guys I have ever met, so there was no chance of me getting attached.
LittleTiger Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 It doesn't - not at all! I don't even understand the question really. What difference do my own looks or personality make in deciding who I am going to be attracted to? I am attracted to guys for all sorts of reasons - sometimes they are objectively 'hot', other times they are not. My attraction is NEVER based on how attractive I am. The only way I can relate to what you are asking is in terms of looks 'declining' as we age. I am 47 and haven't noticed any difference in my own level of attractiveness (if such a thing exists) as I have got older. I have the same number of guys coming on to me as I ever did and, as has always been the case, most of them are a similar age to me. Likewise the guys I am attracted to have got older in line with my own age. I might see an objectively attractive man half my age and appreciate his looks but my reasons for not pursuing him would be down to the difference in age and life experience rather than any perception that I couldn't 'catch' him because he was younger (and therefore apparently hotter?) than I am. So, objectively, my level of physical attractiveness has probably dropped because of my age, but I have noticed no difference in either the 'hotness' level of guys who are attracted to me, or the 'hotness' level of those I find attractive. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I think this is a very relevant question. Numerous studies have shown that people tend to marry others of equal attractivness. I know this is frowned upon, but we shouldn't pretend that looks don't matter because they do. Generally when I see a large discrepancy of looks in a couple, it's because the worse looking one is very confident, while better looking one has low self-esteem.
zengirl Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 It seems an impossible question to answer, really. I imagine if it IS based on your looks at all, it would have to be your attitude of your looks, perhaps at a formative age, instead of at the moment, etc. I would say I'm fairly attractive. Perhaps very. I didn't tend to look for the 'hottest' guy in the room or base my attraction on that much at all. There were certain styles, physical features, and so forth I was attracted to, but they weren't generally similar to the guys many of my friends were attracted to. A few of my exes weren't guys my friends would consider very attractive, but I thought were hot hot hot. I did require physical attraction, of course, but there are many 'commonly attractive' things (like many kinds of muscle definition -- I think 6 packs are absolutely disgusting!) I didn't find attractive. Heck, I worried I wouldn't be attracted to Hubby because he was too tall! It's lucky he slouches and has a sexy brain. I think what we are attracted to is, however, very much determined by WHO we are, of which how we look is a partial factor, in terms of forming our general ego (by which I mean the Buddhist/Psychology type version of the word, not like 'egotistical' -- the sense of who we are, externally). But getting the hottest guy I could pull sounds absolutely tedious to me, fwiw, and I've shot down plenty of classically hot guys in my life. 2
LittleTiger Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I think this is a very relevant question. Numerous studies have shown that people tend to marry others of equal attractivness. I know this is frowned upon, but we shouldn't pretend that looks don't matter because they do. Generally when I see a large discrepancy of looks in a couple, it's because the worse looking one is very confident, while better looking one has low self-esteem. Studies have also shown that we are attracted to people who 'look' similar to ourselves ie we are all slightly narcissitic when it comes to physical attraction. Looks do matter very much - but it's more about 'like attracting like' (in terms of looks and lifestyle) than getting the 'hottest' partner you can catch. For instance, I am outdoor girl and I'm in good shape at 47. My guy is an outdoor guy. He is an athlete and his body is in peak condition. Facially I'm better looking but he has the edge below the neck. We enjoy similar lifestyles, wear almost identical sporty clothes, both eat very heathily and have friends of a similar ilk. Therefore we are a good 'match'. I would never be interested in an overweight slob who sits in front of the TV all day, drinking beer and eating chips, even if he had the best looking face on the planet. He wouldn't be interested in me either, certainly not as a life partner, because there wouldn't be enough common ground to support a long term relationship. He would be much happier (and probably more attracted overall), if he chose a girl who enjoys TV as much as he does and likes to eat chips etc all day - and it's more than likely they will end up looking very similar because of it. So, yes, looks are important but 'what you consider attractive', especially when looking for a husband/wife or life partner is more about matching values, lifestyles, interests etc - and people who match in that way, will often 'look' similarly attractive.
Author jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I am very aware of this and wouldn't consider dating a guy who is say 8, 9 or 10 because I simply know that I have no chance of getting or keeping him long term. In a sense, I automatically friendzone very good looking men, just like I would a man who is say 1, 2 or 3. I think that I am able to get better looking men now than I did 10 years ago, even though I am obviously older so probably less attractive. I think it's mostly to do with confidence and ability to style and polish myself to maximise my assets. I was simply clueless about all that in my early 20s. Yea. That's the way I feel too. Subconsciously, I kind of don't want REALLY hot girls that much. I recognize how good looking they are, but am a little meh about it. Most of the times I get a big 'zing' and can't stop looking at a woman, I'd say she's probably objectively a 6 or a 7 to most of society. Probably somebody like you. Myself, I'm maybe a 4, I guess. I make the bottom end of your range at least.
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