unpredictablechic Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 hi everyone... im new to this site and i just want to hear your stories, advice regarding this issue. actually, im currently dating a guy 10yrs older than me who i met on a dating site, oh btw im 25. we're from the same suburb and recently met him personally last month.on his dating site profile he mentioned that he is divorced and have kids who are far away from him which gave me a reason to date him. he visits me after his work, we went out, took me to places that ive never been, spend time together in my house and keeps our communication even im thousand miles away (im back in my home country). all the time we spent together was awesome but his marital stat really bothers me since he never did mention that he is divorce. now im starting to think that he just fooling around after seeing his facebook account that he and his ex-wife went on trip last march the same time when emailed me and asked if i want to go on a dive 45minutes away from the city.gees! i just found out all of this last week after arriving home! i dont know how bring this all up to him the fact that he hasn't opened much about his past marriage, i dont know where or how to start. we still communicate thru texts, skype and email twice-three times a week and he even said that he's trying to sort out his work schedules so he could come and see me in my country. he does sound promising. i dont want to expect much but i do like this guy for his personality. hmmm is he really into me or im just his past time? any members who have encountered the same situation as mine?
veggirl Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I have a few questions: have you ever been to his home? how far apart do you two live? have you had any conversations about his "divorce"? You are 25, he is 35 "divorced" and has children. It seems, just going by your short post, that you are intrigued because of what he can do for you (trips the like), not for who he IS. At 25, no I would not date a guy who a) has kids or b) is divorced.
Author unpredictablechic Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 thanks for the post veggirl.. unfortunately ive never been to his home which is 20 min drive away from my apartment and we never talked of his "divorce" from the day we met. that's the aweful thing, i should have asked it in the first place. now we are so far away and asking him about it now wont be the best? should i ask him or not?
veggirl Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 The fact that you haven't been to his place, but it sounds like he's been to yours multiple times, is quite telling. Yes you should ask! Divorce is a HUGE thing, esp if it is recent! "So how long has it been since you became officially divorced? Have you dated other girls since then?" would be a good starter... Piece of advice--if he says he is separated or waiting on papers or something other than OFFICIALLY DIVORCED, you need to walk. Also, I think you can google divorce docs and find out if he really is, pretty sure they are public record
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 You kinda failed to mention some crucial things, and this is probably due your inexperience and his opportunity to take advantage of your lack thereof, which would be to an experienced person, very telling and important things but he's also dating someone 10 years younger for a reason. - How long has he been divorced? - Why haven't you been over his house? whats the excuse. - What is his relationship with his ex wife? this is shakey ground because the whole "for the kids" card gets pulled a lot by men in these situations and they use that as a cover to rekindling and keeping romantic terms with their ex-wife while dating a younger more naive woman. You failed to really cover any of the important topics thus far, you being so in the dark about everything is ideal to his process. I'm sure he is avoiding those questions and it's greatly to his advantage when he doesn't have to hide anything because you don't even ask...that is perfect for a man. I don't see this as promising at all, because he hasn't made any serious gestures and you really haven't talked about anything important...plus it's ultra convenient that you live farther away...so I see you as a FBuddy to him from everything you're describing even though I'm sure you feel that It's much too early to tell and you're just "getting to know each other". It's been one month and you put great bearing on contact 3 tiems a week, skype, texts and emails? Be careful not to be the type that falls for empty promises and the perfect picture this guy will paint for you...I believe this is going to be his main tactic to holding you over....words but not concrete actions or gestures, just little things here and there that you tell yourself you are special to him over. I think If you press him for a title to this he's going to say you live too far, his prioirity is his kids and that hes forced to interact with his ex-wife...and that's even If he is really divorced. You sound like something for fun rather than long-term, so be careful letting your own emotions fool you into something deeper If he doesn't want to talk about important things, or express how he feels about you...If he avoids questions then it's going to be pretty clear what you are.
irin Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 i wouldnt simple as. hes already got a family attached to him. too much baggage
luvinthesun Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I am kinda confused. He did mention on profile he was divorced? You wrote he did but that he never did mention that he was divorced? Maybe it is me- but going ona trip with the ex? I guess I'd say- why aren't you still married ... posssibly adding to you go on trips with ex a lot and do you bring your gf and she her bf or what? "dating site profile he mentioned that he is divorced and have kids who are far away from him which gave me a reason to date him. he visits me after his work, we went out, took me to places that ive never been, spend time together in my house and keeps our communication even im thousand miles away (im back in my home country). all the time we spent together was awesome but his marital stat really bothers me since he never did mention that he is divorce."
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