ihateslowjams Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Ive posted a story about the break up here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/330642-just-curious-if-might-gigs Basically we've been broken up for 12 days and she broke it off due to the following reasons: 1. i didn't have the drive and determination to be successful in life. 2. she wanted to be single to see if she can live life by herself since she's never been single. 3.she relied on me too much and wants to stop that. 4.she felt restricted while she was still with me. 5.we're at different stages in our lives-she is 23 and successful, while I'm 27 going to school and work. she makes double i make. 6. I've lost confidence in myself and I've stopped taking her out, showing her new things. Quick info: Im currently going to a community college and will be transferring by fall 2013 to a UC. Im also working full time, but still live at home... Now my problem is, I'm constantly beating myself down and i don't know how to stop. I understand people grow at their own pace, but my current life situation is not where i planned it to be 10 years ago. This break up made me realized how lazy I've been about improving my life. I was very comfortable with my current lifestyle, but it was never what i wanted and complained about it often, instead of doing something about it to get out of my horrible rut. Now, i can't stop beating myself knowing i lost the girl of my dreams. Its heart breaking knowing i didn't realize what i needed to do sooner until i lost her. Im not angry that she left me for those reasons because i agree she only deserves the best. To be honest, I didn't think i was doing enough to make her feel like i was going to provide for her at my current pace... Now, I've been constantly productive in taking the steps of improving my future and life. Im taking a promotion at work and started reading JAVA to learn about programming for my major this summer. Ive also been planning with 2 friends about starting a clothing line by september. Why do i have to lose something very important to me to realize what needs to be done? Why couldn't i have taken the necessary steps to keep wanting more and never settling for less? Its infuriates me having this mindset now, when i should have had it before. Is this normal? because i honestly don't think so...
M30USA Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Wait a second, buddy, be very very careful about how you define success. Define success for yourself. Do not let the world define it for you. Take this time to soul search and find out who you are and what you want. Consider whether or not what you want is the same as what your woman wants. Unfortunately time apart seems to be the best way to do this. Money only brings happiness up to a certain point. Yes, you need money. Yes, you should generally not be lazy and slackish. But many are the poor chaps whose lives are swallowed up with chasing the dream, competing with the Joneses. You are the man. You make the reality for your relationship and future family. You are designed by God to be the head. (I know most women seem to usurp that role in American, but know your role because the Word of God says you are the head.) Interesting story: my mother went to an Ivy League school and had a male friend who was an engineering major. My mom ran into him years later as a soda machine stocker and truck driver. She was surprised. She found out that he worked for about 2 decades chasing the dream, climbing the ladder, only to find out that he lost his soul. Is that what you want? Perhaps. Or perhaps you can find your own way to climb the ladder while not losing your soul. It's up to you. But don't let anyone else decide this critical subject for you. I heard a quote once saying..."One must decide early in life if he wants to have a career, or if he wants to do something important." Cheers, brother.
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