Latest dating adventures

[tigressA]

Every thing is peachy on my end. He is giving me no reason to doubt anything. It's progressing at a decent speed and his communication skills are great. However the fact that we are so far away and actually will have to establish a relationship with the given distance doesn't sit right with me. As usual I am doubting the chance of this, as I do with every potential relationship I have - that may explain why they don't work for me. However his persistence and how great of a person he is is making me want to try. I am scared truthfully however I won't know what may happen unless I try. For all I know I can be moving in his area in a couple months. I don't want to experience a next cold winter.

 

You really do never know until you try. You've already met him, right? And you have good feelings about him. Go for it, SF.

 

On my end...he called a little while ago. He asked me to come see him Saturday. He wants me to leave in the morning so he can plan a whole day out for us. How cute is that?

[SmileFace]

You really do never know until you try. You've already met him, right? And you have good feelings about him. Go for it, SF.

 

On my end...he called a little while ago. He asked me to come see him Saturday. He wants me to leave in the morning so he can plan a whole day out for us. How cute is that?

 

I dated him for like a month. However we stopped dating since I moved back. He tried for an ldr then but I was back with my ex. I have known him for like 8 months.

 

Oh, date on his side of town sounds fun!

[Ruby Slippers]

He asked me to come see him Saturday. He wants me to leave in the morning so he can plan a whole day out for us. How cute is that?

You bitch! I hate you!

 

Naw, you know I love you. I'm just jealous. But y'all are further along than I am with my suitor. And I do want to savor the unfolding

 

My friends can already see that I like this guy more than anyone I've liked in... 6 years - since my last real boyfriend.

 

It's always when I really like a guy that I do the dumbest things. I'm trying to be smarter, cooler, and wiser this time!!!!!

 

I'm being light and just enjoying. It's very early yet. But this is such a fun and delicious feeling!

[tigressA]

I'm really looking forward to finding out how your Friday date goes for you, Ruby! At least you have less time to wait until you see your suitor again!

 

I know what you mean about being cooler, smarter and wiser. I quickly learned that it's hard to be any of those things with regard to dating if all you really do all day is hardly more than sitting around twiddling your thumbs. Since my ex went abroad, even before I dumped him I had started really branching out and having a personal renaissance of sorts. I'm truly independent now; I have a full, satisfying life; I have goals; I have a much better sense of myself, and the next relationship I'm in will be much better because of that. It won't be the codependent drama I had with my ex. It's easy for me to have fun and be relaxed about dating now since it's not such a big thing in my life.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm really looking forward to finding out how your Friday date goes for you, Ruby! At least you have less time to wait until you see your suitor again!

God, me too! I just have this feeling that it's going to be wonderful!!

 

I know what you mean about being cooler, smarter and wiser. I quickly learned that it's hard to be any of those things with regard to dating if all you really do all day is hardly more than sitting around twiddling your thumbs. Since my ex went abroad, even before I dumped him I had started really branching out and having a personal renaissance of sorts. I'm truly independent now; I have a full, satisfying life; I have goals; I have a much better sense of myself, and the next relationship I'm in will be much better because of that. It won't be the codependent drama I had with my ex. It's easy for me to have fun and be relaxed about dating now since it's not such a big thing in my life.

Wonderful! This sounds like real progress! I feel exactly the same way. I would love to see where things go with this guy - but even in the worst case scenario, if he doesn't like me as much as I like him, that's OK. I'm not attached to any particular outcome. I want to meet someone I can really love and who can love me. If this isn't the guy, no problem. I can let him go and keep my eyes open for the right guy.

[tigressA]

Okay...so I like this guy. And I'm not interested in dating anyone else at this juncture. I still have my profile up and check it daily (I get a lot of messages); he does too. I don't want to be the one to bring any of this up, so I'm just going to keep a cool head about it all. I'm happy now that we haven't had sex yet, as I really don't feel comfortable with it if we're not both closed off to meeting/dating others.

 

He called last night and wants me to stay over Saturday, and at first I said yes, but now I am leaning more toward not staying. I think that would be best.

[Ruby Slippers]

Sounds good! I like your plan

 

I still check my messages, and this cool guy I'd been talking to for a little while asked me out (well, he wanted to call first, but made a date suggestion), RIGHT after my first date with the guy I like.

 

I was totally honest, told him I don't multi-date, explained that the other guy just asked me out for date #2, and said that if this isn't a match, I hope he'll be open to a date. He was TOTALLY cool about it, and said he has the same approach and respects it.

 

And I'm responding to any lingering playboys that I might have flirted with a bit by telling them my casual period is now over, and good luck.

Edited June 22, 2012 by Ruby Slippers

[tigressA]

I've been getting messages from guys who seem really cool, but I haven't responded to any of them since after my second date with this guy. Having my profile up is really just a ruse; I don't care to have it enabled anymore, but I don't want to disable it and have him think he's got me already.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I've been getting messages from guys who seem really cool, but I haven't responded to any of them since after my second date with this guy. Having my profile up is really just a ruse; I don't care to have it enabled anymore, but I don't want to disable it and have him think he's got me already.

 

It's only been a few dates, don't panic...just keep cool and don't react impulsively...nothing is going to stop this If it's meant to be. You don't have to try and make it perfect, don't over-think it.

[Ruby Slippers]

Toootally. I wouldn't disable my profile unless we had a conversation about it. But I will make the call on my own not to date more than one person at a time. I think I'll know pretty soon whether it's worthwhile for us to get to know each other better.

 

I made the decision to tell him tomorrow that I'm not going to have sex with him again until I get to know him better and feel ready for that. I'm basically going to reset and treat this as our first real date. I think it's for the best. I figure if he likes me and sees potential, he'll understand and respect it. And if not, oh well, we had a hot night and a fun coupla dates.

Edited June 22, 2012 by Ruby Slippers

[SmileFace]

Looks like it's time to go shopping for a plane ticket. :-D:bunny:

He even told me to call him during the NBA finals since I was busy when he called. Now that is serious lol -- hehe

[tigressA]

Looks like it's time to go shopping for a plane ticket. :-D:bunny:

He even told me to call him during the NBA finals since I was busy when he called. Now that is serious lol -- hehe

 

:love: Yay!! I hope you get to see him soon!!

 

P.S. Love the new Dr. Seuss

[Ruby Slippers]

Warning: gushing ahead

 

My date on Friday was wonderful. We had an excellent, fun dinner, then walked to a specialty dessert shop down the street. He ordered way too many sweets, and we laughed like little kids enjoying our ice cream Then I took him to his first jazz show, where my former guitar instructor was playing, and he loved it.

 

As he was driving me home, I told him, "I don't want to have sex tonight," and said I think we rushed into it last time. He said, "That's OK. I was thinking exactly the same thing. We can just listen to some music - you can show me your astrology stuff", etc.

 

As soon as we got home and got settled, he asked me to read to him from one of my books about Virgo-Cancer compatibility. We cuddled up on the couch, and it was actually really fun. He was laughing at how true it all was, and it was very sweet. Then we played each other a bunch of YouTube stuff, listened to some music, talked and cuddled on the couch.

 

Eventually, we got into bed, and just fooled around a little. He was all over me again all night, and it was so sexy and sweet.

 

In the morning, my resistance finally broke down, and we had sex (sooo good!!). But hey, we did better than last time - we agreed on this point. We both felt that we rose a little from just the animal level.

 

Then we had some coffee, and he asked me if I wanted to go take a walk and get some lunch. So we walked around my neighborhood for a long time, got a slice of pizza, and came back here. I didn't need to leave to go to my friends' house for dinner till later, and he asked if he could stay and hang out till I had to go. In those 2 hours, we talked about so many things! His family, my family, society and its problems, porn, religion, work - it was terrific. So, almost a 24-hour date, and not a dull moment.

 

I am still prepared for any outcome. I think we're a pretty good match on every level. The only thing that concerns me a little is that this guy really is the whole package - very good-looking, sexy, smart as hell, excellent job with the intense focus on his career of a 40-something executive (though he's only 30), sensitive and caring, masculine and alpha. Women love him, and he has many options, no question.

 

So we shall see. I'm just going to keep enjoying him and having fun.

[tigressA]

Oh wow, Ruby. That's wonderful I hope it continues to go well!

 

I just got home. Yeah, I stayed over--but no sex yet. After I got to his neck of the woods, we went to a creperie for a late breakfast, which was really good. We walked around downtown for awhile, went back to his place and messed about. Cooled down, went out again to a park, had Thai food for dinner, then retired for the night.

 

I had fun, but I am not taking this guy seriously at all. He's really good-looking (and knows it); we're both very, very physically attracted to each other, and he says he wants to keep getting to know me. I spent a good portion of our time together smirking, snort-laughing and saying "Okay" (in that "Yeah...riiiight" sarcastic tone).

 

Examples: He picked a flower and handed it to me, saying something corny/sweet like "A pretty flower, for a pretty girl." I smirked and said, "Okay."

 

We were walking to the train station today, holding hands, and he said, "I really liked all the time we had together; I'm looking forward to the next time." Me: *smirk*, "Okay."

 

He's 3 years older than me and from what he's told me, I've been sexually active for 5 more years than he has (me 7, him 2), and I have a lot more relationship experience too, but he still comes off like such a womanizer, so I didn't even believe him when he told me the above and I still don't...he seems to have a lot of orbiters (female 'friends') who like him. Maybe I'm just jaded but I feel like I can see right through this guy. I'll fool around with him, maybe even have sex with him eventually, but I don't think I can ever date him. Basically, he's been relegated to f*ck-buddy territory.

[tigressA]

I was having these really weird deja-vu moments too. This guy really, really reminds me of the guy I posted here about not too long after I initially joined LS, who I was infatuated with even during my longest relationship, finally confessed my feelings to after more than 2 years, and was rejected by in favor of his on-off drama-licious ex.

 

They look like they could be related--they're both tall and lanky with similar facial structure and coloring. They both are musically inclined--write/play music, sing, etc, and have similar tastes in music. They both have a lot of female friends who either have crushes on them or have hooked up with them, or both. It's fairly startling. I came close to calling this guy the wrong name more than once.

[Ruby Slippers]

...but he still comes off like such a womanizer, so I didn't even believe him when he told me the above and I still don't...he seems to have a lot of orbiters (female 'friends') who like him. Maybe I'm just jaded but I feel like I can see right through this guy. I'll fool around with him, maybe even have sex with him eventually, but I don't think I can ever date him. Basically, he's been relegated to f*ck-buddy territory.

Oh, that's too bad - I mean, it's not too bad if that's what you want. But it seemed so promising for something more!

 

But you always seem to get through things OK, and I'm sure this time will be no different, come what may

[Ninjainpajamas]

Warning: gushing ahead

 

My date on Friday was wonderful. We had an excellent, fun dinner, then walked to a specialty dessert shop down the street. He ordered way too many sweets, and we laughed like little kids enjoying our ice cream Then I took him to his first jazz show, where my former guitar instructor was playing, and he loved it.

 

As he was driving me home, I told him, "I don't want to have sex tonight," and said I think we rushed into it last time. He said, "That's OK. I was thinking exactly the same thing. We can just listen to some music - you can show me your astrology stuff", etc.

 

As soon as we got home and got settled, he asked me to read to him from one of my books about Virgo-Cancer compatibility. We cuddled up on the couch, and it was actually really fun. He was laughing at how true it all was, and it was very sweet. Then we played each other a bunch of YouTube stuff, listened to some music, talked and cuddled on the couch.

 

Eventually, we got into bed, and just fooled around a little. He was all over me again all night, and it was so sexy and sweet.

 

In the morning, my resistance finally broke down, and we had sex (sooo good!!). But hey, we did better than last time - we agreed on this point. We both felt that we rose a little from just the animal level.

 

Then we had some coffee, and he asked me if I wanted to go take a walk and get some lunch. So we walked around my neighborhood for a long time, got a slice of pizza, and came back here. I didn't need to leave to go to my friends' house for dinner till later, and he asked if he could stay and hang out till I had to go. In those 2 hours, we talked about so many things! His family, my family, society and its problems, porn, religion, work - it was terrific. So, almost a 24-hour date, and not a dull moment.

 

I am still prepared for any outcome. I think we're a pretty good match on every level. The only thing that concerns me a little is that this guy really is the whole package - very good-looking, sexy, smart as hell, excellent job with the intense focus on his career of a 40-something executive (though he's only 30), sensitive and caring, masculine and alpha. Women love him, and he has many options, no question.

 

So we shall see. I'm just going to keep enjoying him and having fun.

 

Be careful Ruby, just because a guy turns on the jets in the beginning for something new doesn't mean he's had time to settle on all how his emotions. Men need to time to reflect on their thoughts and feelings, slow the pace a little bit and don't give in so easy, I know it's tempting to go in head first but some guys thrive on that experience and doesn't hit home for the long-term as much as it may appear...however things are looking good overall.

 

He's still young, this is the prime for men especially when they're ahead of the game in their careers and have leadership qualities...leaders often make "smart" and logical decisions, they are level-headed which is what makes them good and well-rounded at their position, usually attaining promising qualities. Don't be surprised If he does some back-pedaling, and don't take his eagerness to spend time with you so to heart...although it's a good sign.

 

Also be careful not to fold on what you say, don't let him feel like he has this power over you...men thrive over that, and since he's a leader don't you think this is what he defines himself over? overcoming challenges and obstacles. Stick to your demands and your words, he will much more respect you for that...don't go home and into bed and expect not to have sex..c'mon be for real who are you fooling!

 

If he wants the heat turned up then invite him out with friends, since he's probably used to that dynamic however he should handle this with ease as well and be a personable character. But at least he's realizing what he's putting out there by doing these types of things since he isn't stupid.

 

Just some tips on these types of men and this situation as I can tell you're seeing shooting stars and puffy clouds and indulging in all his "positives" remember this is a real human being and If it sounds too good to be true! well...just means you need to give it more time.

 

If he has options he has options for a reason, and his ability with women is a reflection of his understanding of them but usually these are the guys not necessarily looking to settle down...not at 30 anyway and in his career and position, he seems to be enjoying life and you might be apart of that in a temporary or long-term situation.

 

I know it's kind of a buzz kill, but these are the things you've got to slow down and pay attention to If you really want to see the long-term potential of this relationship...If you're willing for it to be a short fling (which I seriously question) then just go with it and enjoy yourself and maybe you'll just get lucky and he what you're looking for and ready to commit at his age and considering his success. Just realize most women probably see the same things you do that he was with in the past.

[Ruby Slippers]

Thanks, Ninja - I TOTALLY hear you, and think you've given some great advice that I really need.

 

I know I need to keep it cool and laid-back, which is HARD because this guy drives me wild! I think I'm doing a decent job of keeping a lid on it most of the time - though sometimes my excitement just bubbles over!! I'm at my sexual peak, and he just turns me on on every level.

 

But yeah, I think next time I will tell him he can hang out at my place for a while after the date, but then he needs to go and not spend the night.

 

He doesn't seem too good to be true. He's not perfect. But the connection is so effortless and good.

 

While I cannot deny that I'm excited about the possibilities, what I'm meditating on when I think about him is just that I'm happy to have met such a cool guy again. Whether we are a real match or not, I'm glad we've met. After dating him, I can't go back to something casual and time-filling again. I'm asking more of myself again, and it feels great.

[tigressA]

Oh, that's too bad - I mean, it's not too bad if that's what you want. But it seemed so promising for something more!

 

But you always seem to get through things OK, and I'm sure this time will be no different, come what may

 

My close friends have said I should wait it out, see what happens, see what I figure out, that I'm probably just being way too cynical.

 

I started seeing him in this really condescending way--I was really flippant whenever he gave me a compliment or said something cute/sweet. I even laughed in his face a few times. I just find him really hard to believe and it's coming through in my actions. Yesterday I openly said I'm still deciding if I want to get to know him as a person or just use him as a sex object.

 

During the time we've been seeing each other (been several weeks now), he's been doing all the work. I haven't called him once; I texted him first maybe...three times. He's done all the asking out. I think the only time he knows I'm even interested is when we're in bed together messing around. I've never had a dynamic like this. Before when I was with guys like him I would just eat up whatever they told me and end up chasing them.

[FitChick]

Stick to your demands and your words, he will much more respect you for that...don't go home and into bed and expect not to have sex..c'mon be for real who are you fooling!

He played it cool because he knew he was going to get sex.

[FitChick]

But yeah, I think next time I will tell him he can hang out at my place for a while after the date, but then he needs to go and not spend the night.

Uh, that plan didn't work so well last time. Wouldn't a better plan be to do something out that runs very late and then he can drop you off at home 'because it's late and I have to get up early and finish my project before a meeting" or something similar. As an executive he'd certainly understand that. Then it would be interesting to see how soon he wants to see you again after that.

[Ruby Slippers]

Uh, that plan didn't work so well last time. Wouldn't a better plan be to do something out that runs very late and then he can drop you off at home 'because it's late and I have to get up early and finish my project before a meeting" or something similar. As an executive he'd certainly understand that. Then it would be interesting to see how soon he wants to see you again after that.

The trouble didn't begin until we got in bed - and then, we did hold out until morning, which I saw as progress. haha We were basically PG on the couch and everywhere else but the bed. And some of the best moments so far have happened when we're just hanging out at home, talking.

 

Anyway, we haven't even planned another date yet, so I don't want to get too far ahead of things.

 

I'm reading my old-fashioned love and dating books again. I'm not going to stress about it. I believe a good match happens pretty naturally, without a bunch of worrying.

Edited June 25, 2012 by Ruby Slippers

[tigressA]

Friendly reminder: This is my thread...so it'd be nice if I got a little more feedback on my situation...thanks

[Ruby Slippers]

Friendly reminder: This is my thread...so it'd be nice if I got a little more feedback on my situation...thanks

I'm so sorry! I'm going to stop posting in this thread about my situation. I'll start one of my own if I feel the need

 

I agree with your friends. Give him a chance. On the other hand, if your instincts are telling you his compliments are lines, that's something to pay attention to.

 

I think it's great that you haven't had sex yet, because then you can assess everything more clearly.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The trouble didn't begin until we got in bed - and then, we did hold out until morning, which I saw as progress. haha We were basically PG on the couch and everywhere else but the bed. And some of the best moments so far have happened when we're just hanging out at home, talking.

 

Anyway, we haven't even planned another date yet, so I don't want to get too far ahead of things.

 

I'm reading my old-fashioned love and dating books again. I'm not going to stress about it. I believe a good match happens pretty naturally, without a bunch of worrying.

 

Once men feel they have you in their home or yours, they consider it a done deal...they're going to get what they want...just quick FYI.

 

It's an ego thing, capability of seduction...If they strike it they feel they did something wrong, if it leads to sex then it was successful. They don't look at it as mutual and you just wanting it to, that's just not how men think, it's not the train of thought or mentality...it's the hunter catching the prey, not the prey submitting to the hunter.

 

I agree with Fitchick.

 

Once again I'm not trying to shoot this down, just explain to you in the moment how men react and think in these situations, and how the perspectives from women and men can be entirely different which can lead to so much confusion.

 

If he's genuine and sincere, he will continue to prove it is all I'm saying. If he's truly interested he'll respect you. I know It seems like If it happens it happens or it doesn't it doesn't, but honestly If you really wanted to you could always find out...some people just rather not know the real answers and just enjoy themselves in the moment..and I understand and am ok with that...I don't want to intervene in your moment, I just am trying to prevent you from getting caught up and getting hurt because I know emotionally you're going to start to connect really soon If you haven't already and you want you to be more aware than just "seeing what happens" because that really just works in a mans favor.