pteromom Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 What do you call bad luck in dating. This is like a fantasy story, because I have never seen a guy going from a loser to a ladies man. Bad luck in dating = he would flirt with women and they'd roll their eyes and step away from him. Nobody wanted to go out with him because he was horrible at flirting and weird.
pteromom Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Me. Well, kind of. I've always been rejected and have never experienced any interest in me offline. But as soon as I go online, BAM, I'm a ladies man and they all want a piece of me. I don't get it. Do you think that is because when you are online, you are more open and show more of yourself online than in real life?
Els Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 The equating of a 'man who is successful with ladies' to cheaters and vice versa, and especially the lauding of such men, leaves an ugly taste in my mouth IMO. Men who turn out to be cheaters once they get the slightest whiff of potential 'options' aren't 'fantasy stories'. They aren't something to aspire to be. Men who have a wife and kid and yet continue hitting on other women aren't 'amazing transformations'. Amazingly bad transformations, maybe. Stop glorifying cheating and confusing it with options and success. Plenty of men do fine with women but don't see the need to chase 'every piece of tail out there'. Mixing the two up only does a disservice to the young men seeking advice in this thread. Now they think that being 'successful with women' entails hitting on other women while in a R. Eugh. Not to mention that it gives genuinely successful men a bad rap. Good men (and women) aren't 'only as faithful as their options'. 1
jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 The equating of a 'man who is successful with ladies' to cheaters and vice versa, and especially the lauding of such men, leaves an ugly taste in my mouth IMO. Men who turn out to be cheaters once they get the slightest whiff of potential 'options' aren't 'fantasy stories'. They aren't something to aspire to be. Men who have a wife and kid and yet continue hitting on other women aren't 'amazing transformations'. Amazingly bad transformations, maybe. Stop glorifying cheating and confusing it with options and success. Plenty of men do fine with women but don't see the need to chase 'every piece of tail out there'. Mixing the two up only does a disservice to the young men seeking advice in this thread. Now they think that being 'successful with women' entails hitting on other women while in a R. Eugh. Not to mention that it gives genuinely successful men a bad rap. Good men (and women) aren't 'only as faithful as their options'. I didn't say I respected it or that I aspired to be that. I just said that I know of a few cases of it. I don't aspire to that at all.
Els Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Hrm, sorry, you're right. However, it seems like the OP is relishing the thought of being like pteromom's ex, based on his first response to pteromom. So it feels to me like responses in this thread are just reinforcing that false connection, for him.
jobaba Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Hrm, sorry, you're right. However, it seems like the OP is relishing the thought of being like pteromom's ex, based on his first response to pteromom. So it feels to me like responses in this thread are just reinforcing that false connection, for him. Sadly, it seems to come with the territory. Many of the men I knew who went from 'nice guys' to getting a lot of female attention by putting themselves out there more have cheated and dogged women. Now most of them are older and more mature and are very faithful husbands and fathers. The example I mentioned was a case of an extreme transformation. I never got female attention when I 'put myself out there' when I was younger and am old now, so the chances of me cheating in that fashion are slim.
pteromom Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Hrm, sorry, you're right. However, it seems like the OP is relishing the thought of being like pteromom's ex, based on his first response to pteromom. So it feels to me like responses in this thread are just reinforcing that false connection, for him. Yes. Becoming like my ex isn't a great idea, unless you want a long string of unsatisfying relationships. Confidence is good. Turning into a jerk, not so much.
Ross MwcFan Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Do you think that is because when you are online, you are more open and show more of yourself online than in real life? I am more open when I'm online, but I doubt that's it, as most of my friends have had interest from women before the women barely knew them, and in a lot of cases, before they even talked to each other.
Author Necromancer Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 The equating of a 'man who is successful with ladies' to cheaters and vice versa, and especially the lauding of such men, leaves an ugly taste in my mouth IMO. Men who turn out to be cheaters once they get the slightest whiff of potential 'options' aren't 'fantasy stories'. They aren't something to aspire to be. Men who have a wife and kid and yet continue hitting on other women aren't 'amazing transformations'. Amazingly bad transformations, maybe. Stop glorifying cheating and confusing it with options and success. Plenty of men do fine with women but don't see the need to chase 'every piece of tail out there'. Mixing the two up only does a disservice to the young men seeking advice in this thread. Now they think that being 'successful with women' entails hitting on other women while in a R. Eugh. Not to mention that it gives genuinely successful men a bad rap. Good men (and women) aren't 'only as faithful as their options'. Since when did i glorify cheating? (ofc i don´t) My definition of a ladies man = A man who does have women all over him and can take his pick of women. So have you ever knew a guy who was unable to attract women turning into a man who had really easy time attracting women? Because most guys i see either got it or they never will. (I think looks are the main reason, i can´t really image few of my friends do well with women.)
Badsingularity Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 a guy who was unable to attract women turning into a man who had really easy time attracting women? Describes my story pretty well. Hard. Not easy. Can be done. You can do it. Read all of my posts to find out how. 1
Woggle Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I don't think it's about men aspiring to be a cheater but about men not wanting to be a loser. They see the men who treat women as play things getting tons of attention from women and generally being treated better and they decide that is the way to go. It's similar to how some people idolize criminals and drug dealers. It's not that they glorify the act but they want the perks that it brings. If anybody watches Two and a half men it is better to be a Charlier Harper than an Alan Harper and that is where these guys are coming from.
Leopard Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I have. An ex boyfriend of mine used to be really fat. Once he lost the weight, he got a huge boost of confidence and started chasing girls like crazy. He became a whore (lol) and then eventually we met on the street. He is a little bit cocky now (still a nice guy, never condescending but still cocky) and he was never like that before. I met him many years before when he was still overweight and dealing with a drinking problem. Once he cleaned up and got into incredible shape, I guess I started paying more attention and we dated for almost a year. After I broke up with him, he found girl after girl and was dating like crazy again. So yes, a guy who always got rejected can turn into a ladies man. In his case though, it was never about changing his personality, it was about changing his looks. I guess thats what gave him the confidence he never had before. But he was always rejected for his weight. I guess once the weight was gone he didn't have a problem anymore. I have ever seen a regular guy get rejected and then all of a sudden turn into a ladies man. The only cases I have seen rejection turn into ladies man is all with physical change. I suppose this change helped their attitudes change as well, and so they became ladies men. But I have never seen a good looking guy ever have a rejection problem and then all of a sudden he was a ladies man. A good looking guy will always get girls and he doesn't need to be a ladies man, but regular guys who get rejected (other than because of their looks) don't just turn into ladies men. The reason they get rejected (if they aren't bad looking) is something about their attitude or personality, and I don't think things like that can change.
Author Necromancer Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 I have. An ex boyfriend of mine used to be really fat. Once he lost the weight, he got a huge boost of confidence and started chasing girls like crazy. He became a whore (lol) and then eventually we met on the street. He is a little bit cocky now (still a nice guy, never condescending but still cocky) and he was never like that before. I met him many years before when he was still overweight and dealing with a drinking problem. Once he cleaned up and got into incredible shape, I guess I started paying more attention and we dated for almost a year. After I broke up with him, he found girl after girl and was dating like crazy again. So yes, a guy who always got rejected can turn into a ladies man. In his case though, it was never about changing his personality, it was about changing his looks. I guess thats what gave him the confidence he never had before. But he was always rejected for his weight. I guess once the weight was gone he didn't have a problem anymore. I have ever seen a regular guy get rejected and then all of a sudden turn into a ladies man. The only cases I have seen rejection turn into ladies man is all with physical change. I suppose this change helped their attitudes change as well, and so they became ladies men. But I have never seen a good looking guy ever have a rejection problem and then all of a sudden he was a ladies man. A good looking guy will always get girls and he doesn't need to be a ladies man, but regular guys who get rejected (other than because of their looks) don't just turn into ladies men. The reason they get rejected (if they aren't bad looking) is something about their attitude or personality, and I don't think things like that can change. The less you care about the girl the more she will be interested, might be that they look not as near desperate as they did, after they changed. If a girl doesn't like your face, the best personality in the world will not win her over. (i even heard that from a female friend, and that has been my experience to). So to be good with women the only thing you have to master these 3: -Be handsome. -be attractive. -and don´t be unattractive. :lmao::lmao:
El Brujo Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 A guy who did horrible with women(getting rejected over and over), turning into a ladies man? Is that even possible? lets get realistic folks. Just curious if anybody has seen a guy like that Yes, if they've been taking guys out to be shot...
Author Necromancer Posted June 16, 2012 Author Posted June 16, 2012 Yes, I have. Share your anonymous secrets
jobaba Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 The less you care about the girl the more she will be interested, might be that they look not as near desperate as they did, after they changed. If a girl doesn't like your face, the best personality in the world will not win her over. (i even heard that from a female friend, and that has been my experience to). So to be good with women the only thing you have to master these 3: -Be handsome. -be attractive. -and don´t be unattractive. :lmao::lmao: Hahaha. Stay up man. Keep the faith. . Some of us are in the same boat. Im in my mid 30s. So ive seen a lot. Although i have not seen a guy who is rejected a lot and very unsuccessful have many women attracted to him at a later point, i will tell you what i have seen... I have seen that guy who is rejected all the time fall in love with a beautiful woman who is the object of desire for many attractive men and i have seen the undesirable man get her. And i have been there to witness them walking down the aisle. You may never be the guy who gets a lot of women but you can get the one you want. And she can be really hot too ... if thats what u want.
Els Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Since when did i glorify cheating? (ofc i don´t) My definition of a ladies man = A man who does have women all over him and can take his pick of women. So have you ever knew a guy who was unable to attract women turning into a man who had really easy time attracting women? Because most guys i see either got it or they never will. (I think looks are the main reason, i can´t really image few of my friends do well with women.) Your responses to the posts about cheating men seemed... impressed. You did sound like you wished you could be like that, IMO. I could be wrong, I agree, and either way I'll return to the topic as you request. I think it's hard to define 'men who have great success with women'. I don't think quantity is a good measure at all, but it's the only clearly visible one. I know men who don't attract hordes of women, but have been with one woman for years and years and they seem happy. To me, that is success. To some, that isn't. Perceptions will differ. Speaking solely about quantity of attention alone, I think you are right that looks play a huge part. Good-looking people, men and women, just get MORE attention from more people. But this doesn't always translate to having successful relationships. I do know men who transitioned from awkward gangly boy to a man receiving a lot of attention. Mostly it had to do with them going out into the world, getting careers (careers really transform people, IMO), changing up their style of dress and grooming.
Recommended Posts