Els Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 What does it matter? If a girl rejected me it's likely I would no longer want or have any further interaction with that person. It's not like "oh she rejected me on Tuesday but by Friday we were best friends, whew!" I mean come on now. Yes, I would think negatively of that person, but I would never interact with them so it wouldn't matter. Out of site out of mind. With an employer same thing. If I applied to a job at a place and I didn't get hired I would do my best to avoid further interaction with that firm. Yeah I would think negatively about them, but it's not likely to impact their lives nor mine. It's not about the particular case. It's about an overall attitude. Yes, attitude does seep through a lot in your interactions, no matter how much people claim it doesn't.
jobaba Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 But there is nothing to forgive. The fact that you think the other person is wrong to begin with says heaps about the sort of mindset that you have, tbh. And that sort of mindset is unlikely to be attractive. Does anyone else really think an employer turning them down is something that is 'normal' to 'hold against him'? No. But if you worked at a place for a long time, were loyal, and thought you had the promotion, and then they pass you up for another person who has barely started or even came from outside the company who is a smoother talker and had a glitzier aura, you could be mighty bitter. You're smart enough to figure out the analogy to romance. Not that it's good to be bitter. Just that it happens.
Els Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 No. But if you worked at a place for a long time, were loyal, and thought you had the promotion, and then they pass you up for another person who has barely started or even came from outside the company who is a smoother talker and had a glitzier aura, you could be mighty bitter. You're smart enough to figure out the analogy to romance. Not that it's good to be bitter. Just that it happens. Fair point. I don't think that is the case with irc though. Just my opinion.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 It's not about the particular case. It's about an overall attitude. Yes, attitude does seep through a lot in your interactions, no matter how much people claim it doesn't. Eh, I think I've got a good mood overall. Just not towards dating. I bet it does seep through in my life. But it's not exactly something that I'm going to change, and I don't see it as a character flaw. Rather, a badge of honor. I mean you can approach the situation I'm in a few ways: a) view yourself as flawed and constantly seek the approval of others b) be hopeful about it and go into each interaction cheerfully or c) be a little angry and resentful. Which is going to make you feel the best? For me the answer is c.
Els Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Eh, I think I've got a good mood overall. Just not towards dating. I bet it does seep through in my life. But it's not exactly something that I'm going to change, and I don't see it as a character flaw. Rather, a badge of honor. I mean you can approach the situation I'm in a few ways: a) view yourself as flawed and constantly seek the approval of others b) be hopeful about it and go into each interaction cheerfully or c) be a little angry and resentful. Which is going to make you feel the best? For me the answer is c. Rofl, I choose d) I am who I am, the right person will appreciate me as I am. If they don't, not their fault or mine, we're just not compatible. If you're happy being how you are, that's fine. But if others don't find it attractive, it's their prerogative. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Rofl, I choose d) I am who I am, the right person will appreciate me as I am. If they don't, not their fault or mine, we're just not compatible. If you're happy being how you are, that's fine. But if others don't find it attractive, it's their prerogative. Of course it's their prerogative. As it is mine to judge them harshly for it. It's like saying it's someone's choice to do drugs or root for the Yankees. Yeah sure it is (aside from ridiculous legal issues of course). But it's also my choice to judge them for it. Not everything is happy fantasy land where we all sing kumbaya together in perfect harmony.
joystickd Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I look and honestly think for men it is one problem and that is often the advice given is often opposite of what they see in real life. People say get a career and you life together and you will have no issue with dating and they see the stocker at the grocery store banging all types of women. The thing about seeing it in real life is that if your brain is tuned to a certain mindset we tend to totally disregard the things that are accurate to the advice given. We in a sense filter out this because it goes against what we think is reality. It creates this sense of being right. 1
Els Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 *shrugs* Like I said, if you're happy with where that choice has led you in terms of interpersonal relationships, s'all good.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 *shrugs* Like I said, if you're happy with where that choice has led you in terms of interpersonal relationships, s'all good. In terms of romantic relationships I don't have "choice". The results are merely predetermined outcomes.
AD1980 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 If they are respectful than thank them and find someone else. Sometimes we cant find anyone
Necris Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Women simply aren't interested in me it seems I just don't have that charisma or killer looks (I'm not weak looking though I'm 6'3 and can bench 270 so that's one plus). My ultra-nerdiness, inability to relate to others, shyness, poor speechcraft and charisma, and complete lack of any experience at all (I can't even remember the last time I was even touched by a woman and by touch I mean things like hand shakes and hugs) combined together make it unlikely I'll ever have a romantic relationship. Also the friends I have had weren't much help in the dating arena as they were in the same boat as me and just as socially awkward I had one friend who could get women to like him with extreme ease for whatever reason they just loved him but he could never give any advice since it came naturally for him he did try to set me up with a few women before but they were never interested in me they wanted him. In my personal experience women in general are cold, distant, and act unapproachable towards me and I'm always rejected and in the rare cases a woman appears to be showing some level of interest she is either playing me for her amusement or I'm "seeing things" and she's really being naturally friendly and has no actual romantic interest in me whatsoever.
grkBoy Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Ok, I sifted through the pages, and here's my thoughts: 1) I think some of you need to seriously put dating on the back burner because you have problems/issues in your lives that need a bigger priority set on them. I see men out there who work a crappy job meant for a teenager or they have no job. I see these guys living at home in their 30s and 40s with no goal, plan, or ambition to get out. I see them basically displaying all the "loser" red flags women run from, but they seemingly think it's not their fault. I see women who have been knocked up, unemployed, underemployed, loads of drama in their lives, etc...but they seemingly think a boyfriend and relationship is seemingly viable when they should concentrate on having less drama and issues around them. Men don't want to get with liabilities. 2) Zengirl said it here: My theory: Generally, a lot of people these days are lazy and want guarantees. This goes for BOTH GENDERS. I see guys who seemingly make excuse after excuse to not improve. I see fat guys who seemingly make up stories on how shallow women are, or ugly guys who can't seem to realize a haircut, shave, and change of clothes would turn things around. I see plenty of guys complain endlessly, are given solid advice, but they simply choose to bypass it and complain some more. I see women who also do this, but I also notice many women are so stuck in that "I don't want to waste time" logic that they make things incredibly harder. I'm talking about women who want to be "royally impressed" either on a first date, first conversation, or in seeing an online profile. They are so worried about going through weeks, months, or years with a guy to have it end up being a failed RL that they try to look to see how they can "find out everything" or as much as possible before even talking to a guy. Thus they end up complaining how there's no "decent men". They're too busy seeking any reason to reject someone. 3) They seemingly want reward without giving something. I'm aiming this mainly at guys who come here to complain at how hard dating is and such, but when you hand them advice, they then confess they don't want a relationship at all. So this is a guy who can't seem to get a girl to talk to him, get a number, or a date...but they want a life of women who will just sleep with them. Some even confess they just want to get laid without dating even. Some will then play the Marc Rudov thing of how unfair dating is towards men, when they never realize women want men who will commit and marry and be loyal. Grow up. Being a "ladies man" isn't some easy achievement. Not unless you want to work in the gym towards an adonis body, work in the office to make millions, and walk/dress like a male model. You have to be something that women would chance sex on if you want that life. 4) People obsess too much on dating. I used to be guilty of this, and it's why I keep telling of my "walking away from dating" story over and over here. I watch many men and women claim they are taking a break from dating, giving up, walking away to focus on other things, etc... ...then they're back a day later with new questions and scenarios they tried in order to get a date. That or they're still out looking to meet men and women. I know we've heard the saying if "they come when you seemingly aren't looking", and it's true...but they come because those people are doing something in their lives that attract the opposite sex, plus they're not these insecure weirdos desperate for validation. When I walked away, women started taking notice because I lost some weight, dressed better, started traveling on my own, took up interesting hobbies to fulfill my life, etc. You can't just claim to take a break, hide in your home playing video games, and magically think someone will find you. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Ok, I sifted through the pages, and here's my thoughts: 1) I think some of you need to seriously put dating on the back burner because you have problems/issues in your lives that need a bigger priority set on them. I see men out there who work a crappy job meant for a teenager or they have no job. I see these guys living at home in their 30s and 40s with no goal, plan, or ambition to get out. I see them basically displaying all the "loser" red flags women run from, but they seemingly think it's not their fault. I see women who have been knocked up, unemployed, underemployed, loads of drama in their lives, etc...but they seemingly think a boyfriend and relationship is seemingly viable when they should concentrate on having less drama and issues around them. Men don't want to get with liabilities. 2) Zengirl said it here: This goes for BOTH GENDERS. I see guys who seemingly make excuse after excuse to not improve. I see fat guys who seemingly make up stories on how shallow women are, or ugly guys who can't seem to realize a haircut, shave, and change of clothes would turn things around. I see plenty of guys complain endlessly, are given solid advice, but they simply choose to bypass it and complain some more. I see women who also do this, but I also notice many women are so stuck in that "I don't want to waste time" logic that they make things incredibly harder. I'm talking about women who want to be "royally impressed" either on a first date, first conversation, or in seeing an online profile. They are so worried about going through weeks, months, or years with a guy to have it end up being a failed RL that they try to look to see how they can "find out everything" or as much as possible before even talking to a guy. Thus they end up complaining how there's no "decent men". They're too busy seeking any reason to reject someone. 3) They seemingly want reward without giving something. I'm aiming this mainly at guys who come here to complain at how hard dating is and such, but when you hand them advice, they then confess they don't want a relationship at all. So this is a guy who can't seem to get a girl to talk to him, get a number, or a date...but they want a life of women who will just sleep with them. Some even confess they just want to get laid without dating even. Some will then play the Marc Rudov thing of how unfair dating is towards men, when they never realize women want men who will commit and marry and be loyal. Grow up. Being a "ladies man" isn't some easy achievement. Not unless you want to work in the gym towards an adonis body, work in the office to make millions, and walk/dress like a male model. You have to be something that women would chance sex on if you want that life. 4) People obsess too much on dating. I used to be guilty of this, and it's why I keep telling of my "walking away from dating" story over and over here. I watch many men and women claim they are taking a break from dating, giving up, walking away to focus on other things, etc... ...then they're back a day later with new questions and scenarios they tried in order to get a date. That or they're still out looking to meet men and women. I know we've heard the saying if "they come when you seemingly aren't looking", and it's true...but they come because those people are doing something in their lives that attract the opposite sex, plus they're not these insecure weirdos desperate for validation. When I walked away, women started taking notice because I lost some weight, dressed better, started traveling on my own, took up interesting hobbies to fulfill my life, etc. You can't just claim to take a break, hide in your home playing video games, and magically think someone will find you. Hallelujah, somebody on my wavelength!!
grkBoy Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I also want to add: I think some of you should seriously consider a dating coach. I'm not talking about someone in a rut or dry spell. I'm talking about the men and women here who CONSISTENTLY fail in dating. The men aged 25 and up who have never managed to get a number or date. The men aged 30 and up who are still virgins and have no clue how to make a move. The women who seemingly can't get a guy to talk to them. The women who seemingly can't meet anyone who doesn't later betray and hurt them. If some of you were really serious about trying to improve your love life, then you would seek help rather than make excuses or complain that "life is unfair". Sorry to be blunt...but I know when people were blunt with me, things changed.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Ok, I sifted through the pages, and here's my thoughts: 1) I think some of you need to seriously put dating on the back burner because you have problems/issues in your lives that need a bigger priority set on them. I see men out there who work a crappy job meant for a teenager or they have no job. I see these guys living at home in their 30s and 40s with no goal, plan, or ambition to get out. I see them basically displaying all the "loser" red flags women run from, but they seemingly think it's not their fault. I hope I don't come off as thinking it's not my fault. It's totally my fault for a lot of things. The reason I had put dating on the front burner rather than other things is that I was worried that if I put it on the back burner too long I'd end up too far behind to catch up. But, in the time I've been on this forum I've learned that I've already crossed that threshold so I might as well work on the rest of my life. I just don't feel like doing that yet. I'm only 24, I think I'll spend a little while longer goofing around and being a young guy before I worry about adulthood.
grkBoy Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I hope I don't come off as thinking it's not my fault. It's totally my fault for a lot of things. The reason I had put dating on the front burner rather than other things is that I was worried that if I put it on the back burner too long I'd end up too far behind to catch up. But, in the time I've been on this forum I've learned that I've already crossed that threshold so I might as well work on the rest of my life. I just don't feel like doing that yet. I'm only 24, I think I'll spend a little while longer goofing around and being a young guy before I worry about adulthood. Dude, you're 24. Be a young guy a little longer. Go on some dates and don't worry if you end up in a RL or not. Socialize with men and women in a friendly manner and let things happen. Just don't push and claw to try to force something to happen. If you hit 34 and are failing miserably...then dive into my blunt words. Other than that, work on some kind of solid career/living, get on your own, become an adult man. That's your priority.
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