Strontium Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Hi everyone, I hope someone can help. 3 months ago, my fiancee broke up with me, right out of the blue. We had been together a year and bought a house, and everything seemed fine to me. I was devastated. Only a few weeks earlier we had been buying things for the house and everything looked great. She even wanted to set a date for the wedding a few days earlier. She told me that she wasn't happy but she didn't tell me what she thought was causing the unhappiness. Plus, she wouldn't give me any chance to try and make her happy again. She said her feelings had changed, which is natural and normal, since we had been together for a year and she could hardly expect us to be totally crazy like in the first 3 months or so. But still, no hint as to why she felt differently, or why she thought those feelings couldn't come back. For the first month or so apart, I did everything that I shouldn't - called her, wrote letters to her - asking to give me another chance (everyone deserves another chance, right?). She wasn't interested. So I have left it alone for the past 2 months, and not contacted her at all, cos I think I need to give her some space. She rang me up about a month ago to sort out something to do with the house. I had seen her out in town a few days earlier, but she basically blanked me. I told her that if she saw me out in town again, it was okay for her to have a chat. She went mad at me and called me clingy! Even though I had had no contact with her for a month! Every time we have spoken on the phone, it ends with her getting angry at me and both of us getting upset, which leads me to believe that she is still unhappy, and still has feelings for me. Her mother says that she is being very short-tempered with the rest of her family, which also shows she is unhappy. Surely, if she is still unhappy AFTER breaking up with me, then that is proof (if any was needed) that it was NOT ME who was making her unhappy? So, my questions/queries are: 1) Why was she unhappy in the first place (I think it may be she isn't ready to settle down - she is only 20 and I am 26, plus the house purchase was very stressful for us both)? 2) Why was she so against giving me another chance? 3) Why can she not see that her unhappiness was not my fault? 4) Why won't she discuss the whole thing properly? 5) Why won't she make any attempt at giving things another go (because what we had was really good - after 3 months we got engaged, and we were very happy)? Plus any other help would be great, thanks. She's gone on holiday with a girlfriend for 2 weeks - does this mean she's got over me already, or is she just trying to sort her head out? thanks for reading
Fayebelle Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 I am very sorry you are hurting I'll give my opinion to your ?'s but unfortunately the only person who really has the answers is your ex. 1- her age could Definately make her nervous about that type of commitment 2- she needs time before she will even consider this- she needs to decide if she was happier w/you 3- no one wants to be the guilty party- if she says it wasn't you than she has to admit it Was her 4- again youth and maturity could be big factors here 5- in time she may be willing BUT- you can't sit around and wait b/c she may not be willing. I know this hurts terribly right now and I'm sorry for your pain. You should try to put some space between you so you can work out your head. Maybe you should grab a friend and take a vacation. Sometimes a change of scenery can lend a new perspective. Good luck
Author Strontium Posted July 1, 2004 Author Posted July 1, 2004 Thanks for your comments. I was wondering - do you think I ought to contact her, and ask if we could talk? Or should I just leave the situation as it is, and wait for her to get in touch? Because deep down, I believe we are right for each other (we used to spend all our spare time together and were inseparable), but I don't want to talk with her while the situation is still "new", and she is not ready. I don't want to do anything to jeopardise a possible future together for us. I think she is just really confused. But having said that, I do need answers and until I get them, it will be so difficult for me to move on. Strontium
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