ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Following on from something I read in another thread: Are there any times you are jealous of the success of others when it comes to attracting people, and why? Personally, I have never been jealous of any of my friends dating success or anyone else for that matter. Usually seeing people in happy relationships makes me happy. I confess I don't really understand or have a big amount of empathy when it comes to jealousy. It's unnecessary and should be regulated within your psyche. What good does it do you?
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Never jealous of my friends. Well maybe once, but that was because my friend was a real jerk to the girl and yet she was crazy about him. Other than that, my friends are pretty good people so I support their success. But, I do get jealous of other people sometimes. Or at least I get annoyed if they ever try to complain about anything. It's like, you've got a girlfriend, you have no right to complain about anything.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Never jealous of my friends. Well maybe once, but that was because my friend was a real jerk to the girl and yet she was crazy about him. Other than that, my friends are pretty good people so I support their success. But, I do get jealous of other people sometimes. Or at least I get annoyed if they ever try to complain about anything. It's like, you've got a girlfriend, you have no right to complain about anything. That's not a good way to look at it. If you got a girlfriend, and she started to piss you off.....you would complain to the high heavens too . Getting a girlfriend comes with it's own set of problems, just like having money comes with a new set of problems from not having money. There are problems to be seen in everything, and confronting them accordingly is better than maximizing the ones you currently have.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 That's not a good way to look at it. If you got a girlfriend, and she started to piss you off.....you would complain to the high heavens too . Getting a girlfriend comes with it's own set of problems, just like having money comes with a new set of problems from not having money. There are problems to be seen in everything, and confronting them accordingly is better than maximizing the ones you currently have. Maybe. But if I was truly that unhappy I'd dump her, which I assume logical people would do. I don't know, I just don't like hearing about people's bs. All their drama all their fussing, etc. It's one of the reasons I really haven't tried recently. That, and it's kind of a losing cause at the moment.
WonderKid Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 ThaWholigan I just hate you! I'm jealous of you and I don't know why!!! LOL j/k I don't have a jealous bone in my body. I'd be astounded to see my friends get in a relationship with a great woman. It influences me to keep looking as well. And hopefully when they hit it off real good they invite me to the wedding. Now I would make some side jokes like: "That bastard finally got him a good woman! Arrgh!" But nothing serious. My friends know that. But I myself have seen women very jealous of other women. The women I've seen absolutely did not like seeing their friends getting married. And would only be most supportive of them when their relationship was in trouble.
jobaba Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Following on from something I read in another thread: Are there any times you are jealous of the success of others when it comes to attracting people, and why? Personally, I have never been jealous of any of my friends dating success or anyone else for that matter. Usually seeing people in happy relationships makes me happy. I confess I don't really understand or have a big amount of empathy when it comes to jealousy. It's unnecessary and should be regulated within your psyche. What good does it do you? In the sense that there have been a number of women who I have been interested in including a few that I have been REALLY interested in who were interested in my friends instead, yes. As a matter of fact, every woman who I have been REALLY interested in who has not ended up dating me has ended up either interested in or dating one of my friends or coworkers instead. I almost expect it to happen. But it won't as much anymore. They're all married.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 if a girl I like is interested in one of my friends, I help to set it up and make it happen . No sweat off of my balls personally, if I know she isn't attracted to me, I will tend to switch off and move on.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 if a girl I like is interested in one of my friends, I help to set it up and make it happen . No sweat off of my balls personally, if I know she isn't attracted to me, I will tend to switch off and move on. Well yeah. That makes one a good friend. Some of us know that when the shoe is on the other foot, our friends would not do the same.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Well yeah. That makes one a good friend. Some of us know that when the shoe is on the other foot, our friends would not do the same. I have no problem dropping friends if I have to. If this is a problem then you should consider the same thing. Have high standards with friends. My social network may be large, but as friendly as I am with everyone, most of them are acquaintances, while my closest friends are few.
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 There was a time, when I was younger. Good-looking people are always going to get 'more attention', and I equated 'more' with 'better'. Experience and maturity taught me that that isn't necessarily the case. As of now, I think I still received a lot less male attention than some other girls, but it does not bother me in the least. Some people naturally have a smaller pool of people who are attracted to them.That isn't in itself a bad thing, unless you let it. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I have no problem dropping friends if I have to. If this is a problem then you should consider the same thing. Have high standards with friends. My social network may be large, but as friendly as I am with everyone, most of them are acquaintances, while my closest friends are few. Eh, it's not about malevolence when they don't return the favor. It's more about forgetfulness, or procrastination I guess. I've had friends say "hey there's this girl you should meet" only to never actually introduce me to them. Or, sometimes they will get girls involved in some activity we're doing (like basketball) but they expect me to do the rest (having no idea that I don't know how).
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 There was a time, when I was younger. Good-looking people are always going to get 'more attention', and I equated 'more' with 'better'. Experience and maturity taught me that that isn't necessarily the case. As of now, I think I still received a lot less male attention than some other girls, but it does not bother me in the least. Some people naturally have a smaller pool of people who are attracted to them.That isn't in itself a bad thing, unless you let it. The bolded is fantastic. Even that smaller pool of people CAN be expanded if you really want. But it's certainly not a bad thing if you are particular and have a set of standards that one wants to adhere to. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Eh, it's not about malevolence when they don't return the favor. It's more about forgetfulness, or procrastination I guess. I've had friends say "hey there's this girl you should meet" only to never actually introduce me to them. Or, sometimes they will get girls involved in some activity we're doing (like basketball) but they expect me to do the rest (having no idea that I don't know how). Thats understandable. I think if it's something you feel would be beneficial, find ways to force the issue with your friends or at least make it known that you struggle quite a lot in this area. Friends can actually be understanding if you open up to them.
jobaba Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) if a girl I like is interested in one of my friends, I help to set it up and make it happen . No sweat off of my balls personally, if I know she isn't attracted to me, I will tend to switch off and move on. I mean, yea, that's me too if I don't really know her. My jealousy won't really last. I'm starting to think you and Raptor and like my best friend. He never gets too crazy about anything, whether it be sports, or women. Sure, he's also had good luck with women, but he doesn't ever get really into them. He's rarely come to me with a broken heart story and I've been his best friend for almost 15 years. And his brother is even more stoic. Me, I get so into a few certain ones it's nuts. I've tried hard to change this over the years as evidenced in my posts. It's working though. Funny considering it's what most posters here are striving for more of. Edited June 14, 2012 by jobaba
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I mean, yea, that's me too if I don't really know her. My jealousy won't really last. I'm starting to think you and Raptor and like my best friend. He never gets too crazy about anything, whether it be sports, or women. Sure, he's also had good luck with women, but he doesn't ever get really into them. Me, I get so into them it's nuts. I've tried hard to change this over the years as evidenced in my posts. Funny considering it's what most posters here are striving for more of. Yeah, I knew a guy like that too. He didn't want relationships because he wanted the total freedom being single afforded him, and he didn't want to compromise that for or with anyone. So he turned down several girls; he's pretty good-looking, so I guess he received a lot of attention because of that. He wouldn't have been a good bf though IMO, so I think it's good that he was honest with those girls right from the start instead of getting with them and then disregarding their feelings by partying all night with other girls, etc.
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 The bolded is fantastic. Even that smaller pool of people CAN be expanded if you really want. But it's certainly not a bad thing if you are particular and have a set of standards that one wants to adhere to. Definitely. I have found it to be a benefit in my case. I have weeded through waaaaay fewer bad dates than most people have, heh.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 I mean, yea, that's me too if I don't really know her. My jealousy won't really last. I'm starting to think you and Raptor and like my best friend. He never gets too crazy about anything, whether it be sports, or women. Sure, he's also had good luck with women, but he doesn't ever get really into them. He's rarely come to me with a broken heart story and I've been his best friend for almost 15 years. And his brother is even more stoic. Me, I get so into a few certain ones it's nuts. I've tried hard to change this over the years as evidenced in my posts. It's working though. Funny considering it's what most posters here are striving for more of. I have spent a long time developing my emotional intelligence and, as such, I have a considerable amount of control over them. Not as much as I would like, but enough that I am self-disciplined when it comes to dealing with people, and girls especially. I assure you, I get really into some girls, even celebrity girls I have no chance of meeting at some points in my short life. I had an enormous crush that I have referenced a lot more than once since I have been here. So I know what you're feeling, and it stings when that interest is not reciprocated, and you find that it's pointing in the direction of someone close. I get that. I guess I have developed a very important ability of being able to detach and view life objectively. It's not that I don't have strong emotions or get crazy about anything (any of my fellow football friends know this about me ), I just detach when it calls for me to do so. It serves me well, and it's important for me and people who know me. Because when everyone else is losing their minds about everything around them, I will be the one with a cool head - I have to be this way . 1
WonderKid Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 ^^ I know a friend like that too. But imo he was a straight up whore. But he never got attached to them. He's quite good looking. He's Japanese/White/Black. With nice height to boot. I never was jealous of him. Actually, I want him to get the right woman so she could sit his ass down. He's pretty confident he won't get married. But I tell him all it takes is that one woman.
AD1980 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I never get jealous of a friend whos in a good relationship and finds a good women im happy for all of them,almost all my friends are marriage Im jealous of my newly single friend who just got divorced and has women flock all over him,hes not a bad guy but pretty arrogant and conceited at times yet women love him,it showed me the power of looks and how people will overlook your shortcmings if theyre extremely attracted to you Youd think if id be jealous of anyone it would be the friends in loving relaitnships over my friend who just came off a horirble marriage thast left hi mscarred but for osme reoasn the attnetion hegets without evern trying while i cant get anythign going irks me a lot more
verhrzn Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I am rarely jealous of my friends getting into relationships. Sometimes it's a temporary pang of "Oo I wish I had that," but it's very fleeting. On the rare occasions I am jealous, it's usually a signal that something is amiss internally. For example, if I have a crush on a guy and won't admit it. There was this one guy who really got under my skin, but I refused to acknowledge it. So when he showed interest in my friend instead, and I saw green, that was a big signal that I wasn't being honest with myself. I am jealous of strangers very often. Jealousy is really just an emotion, neither positive or negative; it's what is done with the emotion that matters. I think the party line that it's "not productive" and so you shouldn't feel it, isn't really useful. It's a feeling... you can't not feel a feeling, you just consciously decide what to do with it. Me myself, when I get jealous of strangers, I just keep it to myself. 3
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 I am rarely jealous of my friends getting into relationships. Sometimes it's a temporary pang of "Oo I wish I had that," but it's very fleeting. On the rare occasions I am jealous, it's usually a signal that something is amiss internally. For example, if I have a crush on a guy and won't admit it. There was this one guy who really got under my skin, but I refused to acknowledge it. So when he showed interest in my friend instead, and I saw green, that was a big signal that I wasn't being honest with myself. I am jealous of strangers very often. Jealousy is really just an emotion, neither positive or negative; it's what is done with the emotion that matters. I think the party line that it's "not productive" and so you shouldn't feel it, isn't really useful. It's a feeling... you can't not feel a feeling, you just consciously decide what to do with it. Me myself, when I get jealous of strangers, I just keep it to myself. Fair enough. I don't get jealous so maybe I don't fully understand it.
USMCHokie Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I am slightly suspicious of those who say they don't get jealous...but then again, you might have to define jealous...
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 I am slightly suspicious of those who say they don't get jealous...but then again, you might have to define jealous... I would imagine that it's hard to believe, but jealousy has never been something that I have had to deal with. I don't feel envious of anyone for any reason, nor am I angry about anything that someone has that I don't. If I were, I would be a very different person I imagine. Like I say, the absence of true emotional understanding led me to develop a strong sense of emotional identity and allowed me to augment it as I see fit. Jealousy does not fit into it, and fortunately I haven't had to deal with it.
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