Mykindoflovex Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost four months now. At the beginning everything seemed perfect we were getting on well. However, a few weeks ago we had a small fight, and he stopped talking to me for almost a week. When he finally got back to me it was all about himself and his career. My friends and family told me to dump him, but being in love with him prevented me from doing so. I decided to text him to sort things out and he agreed. The following week he was texting me a bit more, but he didn't arrange to meet up. I finally saw him on a night out and had it out with him. We sorted things out and met up the next day. However, recently he started his new job and barely texts me anymore. I understand he's exhausted, but when he does text me its not to see how i am its just about sex. I'm starting to get the impression that he's not into me as much as he used to be and is just using me ...help please x
RedFemale Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 How is he using you, if you are staying with him out of your free will? So you think if a man has a GF for mostly sexual release than he does not care about you? In what way would you like to be cared for? if you are having sex with him...are you using him too? You are enjoying sex right? Also, 4 months is not that long and you already in love with him....he who cares less wins in a relationship and he is WINNING!
Philosoraptor Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I'd agree that it seems like his interest is falling. It happens and will just show you that it wasn't as good of a match as you'd thought. It isn't until the high of a new relationship fades that you can truly judge things. he who cares less wins in a relationship and he is WINNING! What a lovely view of things. Sure you might not get hurt as bad if you don't care as much, but you'll never find what it is you want until you can put your whole self out there.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 It's inexperience and insecurity that leads you to regard in infuse so much bearing on the initial months of a relationship. This is where two people can simply be smitten by each other, living in the moment, feeling the intensities of infatuation, consumed by thoughts of exaggerated fantasies and and emotional overwhelment that prevents you from observing the true long-term potential of this relationship...because honestly, the relationship aspect hasn't even started....If everyone went based on those instant emotions alone, we'd all think we were in love and get married, but we learn as time goes on that these situations and experiences can be in some ways replicated...It can difficult to distinguish true love versus an inflamed impulsive chemical reaction that takes off in our minds and leads down non-sensical pathways of inpractical thinking. Those who end up in the biggest trouble are those who insist that living on the initial flatteries of the beginning of a relationship can endure and will somehow revert to "how things used to be"...this is far too early to start living in the moment...by his reactions you can already tell that he is already fading and his true sense are coming back to him and the clarity and reality of this situation is setting in...and this is still extremely early imo..this process can take six months, a year, or even several years. I hope that you value yourself enough to walk away from a situation where someone else is showing you how little or less they want to be invested. i hope you can determine and listen to your intuition and your heart and trust that it has the best intentions for you always, and this man may only be looking out for himself. He is already making excuses as to why he distances himself...It's your job to find the truth and get the answers to questions that are important to you and your feelings/needs do not simply start the downhill backwards climb of letting this person distance more and more and more and give you half-truths and unsatisfacotry answers that you know aren't honest and genuine...save yourself, don't expect anyone else to. And remember to trust your friends and family because they know you best and understand your needs more than he does and can see yourself when you cannot...their interest is not to see you unhappy, they don't want tyou to get hurt even further...and If you continue with a man who continuously disconnects and distances himself and you turn a blind eye because of what you felt or had in the beginning, then you have yourself to blame for allowing this to happen. If you have to keep calling him, contacting him, giving him sex to get his attention, and are always vying for his attention and affection because you think this is love....then that's not much of a relationship, nor wouldi call that love...that's not the kind of love I'm interested in anyway, It's gotta be better than that, don't you think? 1
RedFemale Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I'd agree that it seems like his interest is falling. It happens and will just show you that it wasn't as good of a match as you'd thought. It isn't until the high of a new relationship fades that you can truly judge things. What a lovely view of things. Sure you might not get hurt as bad if you don't care as much, but you'll never find what it is you want until you can put your whole self out there. If i had a choice, I would choose his position rather than hers. She is in pain and suffering because she cares, the guy has no such issues. I would say that it proves that caring less is much better. Also, not caring enough to be hurt, won't mean he is never gonna find a person he will love. It will hit him like a hammer one day, but until that moment, he is doing just fine and right thing.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 If i had a choice, I would choose his position rather than hers. She is in pain and suffering because she cares, the guy has no such issues. I would say that it proves that caring less is much better. Also, not caring enough to be hurt, won't mean he is never gonna find a person he will love. It will hit him like a hammer one day, but until that moment, he is doing just fine and right thing. OH why aren't you banned yet?
Philosoraptor Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 If i had a choice, I would choose his position rather than hers. She is in pain and suffering because she cares, the guy has no such issues. I would say that it proves that caring less is much better. The willingness to open up and take a risk is an admirable attribute. Yes at times you get burned pretty badly, but you were strong enough to take the risk. Caring less and not opening up is the cowards path. Avoidance is also the path of a coward. If he's done he should at least have enough compassion to tell her that it's not going to work out rather than just going into ignore mode. I'm not saying she shouldn't take control of her own actions and dump the loser, but anyone with integrity would be upfront and honest. Also, not caring enough to be hurt, won't mean he is never gonna find a person he will love. It will hit him like a hammer one day, but until that moment, he is doing just fine and right thing. I never said he'd never open up, but hiding behind walls won't make it easy.
writergal Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost four months now. At the beginning everything seemed perfect we were getting on well. However, a few weeks ago we had a small fight, and he stopped talking to me for almost a week. When he finally got back to me it was all about himself and his career. My friends and family told me to dump him, but being in love with him prevented me from doing so. I decided to text him to sort things out and he agreed. The following week he was texting me a bit more, but he didn't arrange to meet up. I finally saw him on a night out and had it out with him. We sorted things out and met up the next day. However, recently he started his new job and barely texts me anymore. I understand he's exhausted, but when he does text me its not to see how i am its just about sex. I'm starting to get the impression that he's not into me as much as he used to be and is just using me ...help please x First rule of communication, don't use texting to resolve conflict. It's always better to talk over the phone or in person where relationship troubles are concerned. His reaction to the small fight you had - the way he distanced himself from you should have been your clue that the 4 month affair had reached its bitter end. No guy who is mature gives the woman he's dating the silent treatment for an entire week. That's just plain selfish and immature on his part. Fights happen but the way he handled it is not well. Your friends and family's instincts were correct, you should dump this guy but based on his behavior, he's already dumped you, but you haven't let go yet and you need to for your own sanity's sake. And it's a red flag imo that he's only texting you for sex and doesn't bother to pick up the phone to call you to actually have a real conversation. He doesn't sound like that great of a guy to me. You could do far better I think.
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