charlieday Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Ok, so it's a time i finally post on here, since i've sorta been losing my mind over this for the past 6 months. Constantly googling "does she want me back" or "what does it mean if ex texts you" etc... So, let me start with a rundown of the crazy last three years of life and everything that unfolded. I met her Febuary of 2009. She was 20, I was 22. We had met initially like a year earlier through this bull **** "hot or not" thing on Facebook. I thought she was gorgeous, but i mean we met on "hot or not" and I didn't really take it all very seriously. But one day i eventually just asked her on a date. Sparks flew. We had sex on the first date and I told her I didn't want this to be it. Basically from there we practically started living together. I didn't have a ton of friends at college because I didn't start school until 21. she definitely didn't have any friends in Philly. I lived with some friends from high school, who moved out there. but it was a very small world. She didn't really know what she was doing with her life, so she was all the more happy to just become part of mine. Things got serious real quick. Around 6 months later we actually moved together to another house with one other person. This began our life truly "Together". The beginning was good, but in around Spring time, while school was starting to come to an end, i started being really cold towards her. It was the stress of the fact that I felt like I didn't know what I was doing with my life, and neither did this girl, and yet she's always here. I felt like we were engulfed with each other. I know I definitely hurt her then. Anyway that passed, and after school I decided I wanted to move to NYC, which was summer of 2010, she moved with me. This was a tough time because we were both struggling to find jobs, and I was super unhappy because things seemed to be working out better for her than they were for me. I was a dick a lot of the time. I know that. It's a lot easier to get restaurant jobs when you're a beautiful girl...thats for sure. So, anyway, We spent about 3 months in NYC, which were hard on both of us, and i know she was paranoid I was going to break up with her. Right in the middle of this, my Mother is diagnosed with lung cancer. This is also just when things were starting to work out in NYC. I ended up booking it back to Boston and I told Jill she should stay in NYC while I figured some things out. I must have broken her heart a little bit then. She was always doing basically whatever I suggested. This stuff drived me crazy! But it was also that she loved me. So it was tough. About a month into being in Boston, I freaked out and realized I couldn't imagine my life without her, and she came up to Boston. I moved into a house with some dudes I recently became friends with, and she moved into with some friends of said dudes. I "broke up" with her for like a week after she came up to Boston. We got back together. There was so much **** going on. My mother was dying, i was super depressed. I wanted to be with Jill but I also wanted to her to have her own life. I wanted us to be able to make our own friends and have our own worlds separate from each other. but it seemed impossible So the year went on, and it was a long horrible year, and more or less remained that way for the past 2. But I regress. Throughout 2011 we had our ups and down. Most of the downs were my fault...I felt that we were stiffling each other. I'm sure you get the gist. And I admit that I would be an ass hole in regards to asking her "what are you doing with your life" Criticizing her at times. Not all the time, I wasn't a horrible boyfriend. But I could definitely be critical. it's a ****ty trait. My mother passed away in July, and craziness ensued. I decided to move back to suburbs to be with my Dad. This was insane because my Dads crazy and was extra crazy after my moms death. He's not technically crazy, but basically he's all over the place. And also reinforced my decision to leave Jill..while you'll read about in a second, which was the dumbest ****ing thing ever. Things got really bad. Just all around weirdness after my mothers death. All Fall was super depressing and i didn't know what was going on. I was working at a bar, at the time and sort of "broke up" with her again. (like 4 or 5 days) This time when we got back together, she saw that i had tried to contact some girl, during the break up, that i had met while working, on facebook. It was some drunken facebook message and it made me look pretty bad, saying "i thought she was awesome etc...etc..." Jill still forgave that. Then all the stress from the family just got to me. I had an option for an internship in NYC and I decided to leave. This time without Jill. I told her i was over her etc.. etc.. even though i didn't truly mean it. I mean we spent literally all our time together for like 3 years. But i felt the only way either of us could figure out our lives was if we were apart for a while. And I was right! When I left i told her we'd get back together, and she though so too. After I left, she basically held onto me for about 2 or 3 weeks while i was trying to figure **** out in NYC again, not knowing anyone trying to find an apt. Running around. As soon as i settle down this past FEB I realized, "Holy ****, what the **** have I done" Jill had gotten over me. she realized how many times i hurt her, yet also knew why i felt so stiffled at the same time, but still wanted to remain friends, and "hoped we could get back together...in different time and place" she visited me in late February, and it was just like always, except we couldnt have Sex. Then in late march, my brother in laws mother passed, and i went back to Boston. It was the same. We still had so much fun. I regress, after I left her, everything that could have gone her way, went her way. She was offered to go on a trip to Europe with friends for a month, (which she's doing in July), and then her friend Michael, (this ballet dancer who is very gay) asked her if she'd like to be his partner in opening a studio in Pittsburgh. All these things went in her direction. For me, Karma caught up. everything went NOT my way. I no friends, my internship fell through etc... I realized I didn't really want to be in NYC nearly as much as i thought, and that i was hopelessly in love with Jill. The months of April and May i spent in surreal sense on denial. Barely sleeping. chain smoking. I called her all the time, made all the mistakes fawning over her etc... I just refused to accept she was trying to move on with her life. I finally had to get it of her, "are you seeing, have you been dating?" and finally she's like "do you really want to know? yes, nothing serious, I'm moving to Pittsburgh." I didn't sleep for like 2 weeks. i ended up needing to get xanax to properly chill out. I finally started to be like "ok i get it. i ****ed up. I need to move on". i have friends out here now, so i have a world, but still. Worse thing ever, I still love her so much. However, mutual friends say she talks about me whenever they hang out. And still, she randomly calls me, to see how I am. She still texted me the other day telling me she found this bag I made her with a map of NYC still in it. Tell me how awesome it is. Nostalgia. We were first loves. Through all the break ups and downs, we were ****ing awesome together. We literally never fought. It was just the need to figure out life that made me drift from her. I want to know what you guys think. Is she keeping the door open for me, or can she just not let an old friend go. I want to try to win her back, and potentially move to Pittsburgh. It's worth it. Love is worth it. I didn't know what the **** love was, until now. But right now, i'm just playing it cool and trying not to contact her. I know she's really happy right now because she has so much going on. July _ Europe. August _ move to Pittsburgh. Then life starts for her. I'm wondering if she'll realize she stills loves me then? I don't know, i ****ing love this girl. I love her so much it's crazy. But I need to know if I should let her go. If she's done with me. because holding on is killing me. Im still friends with her on FB. I had unfriended her, but manned up said I could handle being friends and not be in a relationship with her right now. It seemed the only to get her back is by being sort of passive. I'm just thinking maybe when she relocates to Pittsburgh and settles down and reality sets in, she'll come back. I know she still wants me in her life, but i just don't know why. Anyway, I'll end this. Let me know what you guys think. Sorry if this is so long winded. She still has my car...i gave her my old car, but i think she's going to sell it before she moves...I broke my own heart.
Author charlieday Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 she's also a gorgeous ballet dancer. So it's not like guys aren't gunning for her. thats for sure
Boulware58 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Sounds like an experience that is better used as a life lesson. You obviously have a lot going on, and a lot of searching to do. It's best to not get so clouded with your judgment because of what you're still holding on to. The on again and off again period usually spells disaster, and usually has an underlying issue. You sound like you'll have a lot of opportunities to meet new people with all the traveling you do, i'm sure your best years are ahead of you.
Author charlieday Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 But she's the one traveling to europe and then moving to pittsburgh. I'm just in NYC and not really sure why. I let all the pressure in life push me away from her, but i regret it. I can't stop loving her. i just can't tell if she's stopped loving me
Tiera D Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 she will not consider reconcile with you because 1) you broke her heart too many times 2) your life is a mess at the moment you should have a stable life before attempting anything to get reconciliation,otherwise if you love her let her go,since shes happy now TD
greenz Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 she will not consider reconcile with you because 1) you broke her heart too many times 2) your life is a mess at the moment you should have a stable life before attempting anything to get reconciliation,otherwise if you love her let her go,since shes happy now TD I agree with #2, but not with #1. She is still checking up on him, which means she is still in love with him. However, she will never get back with him as long as she senses any instability. If he continues to be unstable or stays away, she will move on for good once she finds someone. charlieday, I get everything you're going through. My relationship with my last ex wasn't as intensely up and down as yours, but I was going through a lot of the same cleaning up my life business and pushing my gf away. I too realized what love is the day after she broke up with me. And I know it's not my ego or anything like that. I felt it and I felt all of our moments together rushing through me and I felt all the pain I caused her. Here's what I have been doing because I believe that I will eventually get back with her. I stopped being desperate and have focused completely on figuring what I want to do in life. What am I passionate about that I want to have as a career? I have direction now. I have also dealt with a lot of family issues that I haven't dealt with for a while and I also went through my past relationships and figured out what I screwed up in those too or why they didn't work. Now I know myself and I know what I want. I believe in getting back with her, but I will not do it if she will not want it. I hurt her and she broke up with me so she really deserves all the space she wants. I have managed to maintain contact and a lot of her anger and pain is going away only after several weeks. A few days ago we talked on Skype for 2 hours and over the phone for 2 hours more. When she heard all the things I was figuring out, it literally annoyed her. She changed from "I broke up with you" to "we broke up." She used to say that she doesn't want to wait for me and that she can't imagine that anything could happen in 5 to 10 years. Then it became "if it is meant to be it is meant to be." This last conversation ended with "I need more space and we shouldn't talk for a while, but it's OK if you want to call me and let me know if you will be in the area." All and all, I have admitted my mistakes to her. I have been there for her when she needed to vent. And I went away when she wanted me too. I started listening to her, while fixing my life. It doesn't cause me any pain. I just want to be there for her in any way she will allow for now. If we only end up being good friends as a result, that's fine with me. At least I will not be a selfish a***ole who broke her heart and will become a better man as a result. I'm changing careers and making plans to move closer to her in about a year. At that point I plan on simply asking her out and doing it right the second time. If she will not have me, then I will wish her the best and I will move on because I want what's best for her and I will also be quite content with having figured my own life in the process. So, charlieday, play it cool. Don't be desperate and don't rush it. You need to figure out what you really want to do with your life. When you do, you will have all the self-confidence behind you to win her back. Until then, see if you can keep in touch and be there for her as a friend, but don't smother her.
greenz Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I finally had to get it of her, "are you seeing, have you been dating?" and finally she's like "do you really want to know? yes, nothing serious, I'm moving to Pittsburgh." I didn't sleep for like 2 weeks. i ended up needing to get xanax to properly chill out. I finally started to be like "ok i get it. i ****ed up. I need to move on". One thing though. You really need to ask yourself if you really love her or if it's just that she's with someone that is triggering this in you. It could just be that your ego is bruised, which is making you get all pumped about the possibility of winning her back. If you really love her, you would let her be with someone else if she chooses. Now that doesn't mean that you can't keep in touch with her if she allows it and make your intentions clear when the time comes, but don't become the crazy ex from the past that wants to ruin all her future relationships. If she chooses to move on, you will need to let her go.
Tiera D Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 nope checking up on someone does not mean she still loves him,she maybe looking an ego-booster ..besides i counted he dumped her atleast twice due to reasons such as depression,but no.2 certainly is more important than no.1 ..To OP let her go for now,u still can get her back once you get your life on track TD
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