Author kitty_9474 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Joaquin - I LOVE that quote! Thanks for that! He apologized and was remorseful at first but after he was settled back in with me if I brought it up or bring it up he did nothing wrong, etc. etc. You're right. He has never lost me and I believe that when he does he'll just be off to the next girl. He can't be alone. He probably will realize what he lost but who knows. I've never taught him a lesson and yes, I've taught him how to treat me. Can I fix that now?
Joaquin Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 You should re-read what people have said on this thread. You've been given very good stuff from Leigh. You have to come to your own conclusions. I wouldn't bet the house on him changing. What is it they say about not dating someone for their potential. He is what he is. You know who he is at this stage. It's up to you to decide if you want him. I don't think it's right to stick around if your being mistreated by someone. What message does that send your daughter anyway
an6el Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Let me check the records for you... j/k but ok serious now I know how your feeling though... I was never prego though so that part I can't help much. But my ex did the same thing. I found him cheating while I went to school, then one night I came home to surprise him and I found him texting his cousin, yes he cheated on me with his cousin, anyways in the text messages it mentioned, 'don't forget to delete these before (me) come home' and they start flirting, and pretty much text sex the whole time. So I was furious but I have a temper problem I threw his phone and when he woke up and found out I caught him, he just went on and on about he won't do it again. But it didn't stopt here a month later he continued it..... My point.... I'm sorry to say this girl, but he won't change. He'll say he's faithful, but until he proves that he is faithful to you, that will be the day he loves you. And will be there for you and your child. Don't raise your child with a father who can't stay faithful to its mother. In the end, you'll only hurt yourself and your child. Your boyfriend will be too busy messing around with other girls behind your back and he will come up with excuses to make you look like it's your fault and that you pushed him to do this.... All I'm saying is, I have a gut feeling you'll get hurt again and I don't want that... I know you've been together for a long time... but don't suffer for his sake.... you deserve better....
Author kitty_9474 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Hello all - I've been reading and re reading everything that everyone has said and it's still not easy for me to just make an immediate decision given my circumstances. It's very hard. Beyond hard. After speaking with my therapist yesterday though and finally talking to a person face to face about this she really helped open my eyes even more. As sad as this is, I'm thinking that I'm going to terminate. There is too much of a risk at hand. Not only for myself but for the child. I'm torn and devastated and beyond traumatized. At the same token I'm numb. One part of my brain tells me to do this and the other part of my brain tells me to do that. She did say that abuse typically escalates during pregnancy. That although he seems happy now he will probably get worse as the time progresses. Last year when I had a miscarriage he got so upset with me for asking about his phone that he threw the phone at my stomach. He knew I was pregnant. What does that show me? He really has no control over his anger. Doesn't care and will react when he needs to however he feels like he needs to. I've taught him to walk all over me and treat me like dirt so he has no respect for me. I have to make my move. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done because I have to do it all by myself. I'll have this crazy horrible secret and although I feel he doesn't deserve to know what I decide and why I still feel so guilty and horrible for lying and keeping things from him. This situation is so twisted. So bizarre and the timing is beyond wrong. This is where I'm at right now. I'm a mess emotionally and I think I may have to take the day off of work. I can't focus, at all. I'm nervous, scared, feeling guilty, confused, just a myriad of things...it's not fair.
luvinthesun Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Hello all – I’m new here and am hoping for some advice. I’ll try to make this story as short as possible. My boyfriend and I have been together for going on around four years. He’s given me reasons to not trust him in the past (texting ex girlfriends, new girls, etc.) which stoppedbut the big one was I caught him with his ex girlfriend a year ago around the same time! I forgave him and demanded NC in which he did. Fast forward a year later…I’m around six weeks pregnant (not very happy about this as I'm on birth control)! He’s excited. Seems like it. I feel like I’m having post traumatic stress disorder with what happened last year and I’m feeling super hormonal and vulnerable right now. Well, I haven’t checked the cell phone records in months and haven’t even so much asked about or looked at his phone. Well, yesterday he got a text message right when I got home and I looked through the side of my eye and noticed that he deleted the text after he read it. I know this because the phone he has is my old phone..I gave it to him. So I asked who it was and he said a co-worke rthan I said “you deleted it” and he said no. He ran downstairs to throw laundry in and of course I had to look at it because I KNEW that he was fibbing. So my suspicion was right. He deleted the message. I told him nicely that I’m a bit concerned as I know he deleted the text and I’m wondering what is going on. He said if he deleted it,he didn’t realize it. UM, how do you not realize you’re deleting a text message? It’s not like it’s one quick step and done! Anyway, his first response was “Oh, so is this how this entire pregnancy is going to go?” I said no it’s not I’m just wanting you to be honest with me and not hide anything. I told him I don’t know what he’s doing and he said “I don’t know what you’re doing”.. I told him he KNOWS that I would NEVER cheat or disrespect him and our relationship (he knows that I’m a good trustworthy woman). I told him the way he responded with the whole “is this how this pregnancy is going to be” was very rude and not how a former cheating spouse should approach his vulnerable pregnant girlfriend. He said I’m sorry and “when would I have the time for anything like that?” “I devote my entire life to you”. He is always home with me after work and on weekends so if he were cheating it’s in the two hours before I get home or during work hours. I told him that if he wanted to cheat he would make the time..all cheaters do. He said that I wasn’t being wise by accusing him. I told him that I wasn’t accusing him just asking a question and he has a history of cheating. He then said he doesn’t have a history of cheating. He seems to think that all that he’s done in the past is not cheating. Anyway, I’m hormonal right now. I know this, and my head is everywhere. Deciding on what is right and wrong. I keep praying that the text was innocent but something that I could have lost it over or made a bigger deal about what it really was because I don’t trust him. Or he could have just deleted his co-workers text without realizing (highly doubt that one) or he’s cheating and hiding something. I’ve found myself totally fixated on this all day today. Cried all morning at the thought of him doing something behind my back still even while I’m pregnant. Any advice? Am I being hormonal and irrational? Or is this a legitimate concern and I should leave? I do have total access to our cell phone records but I’m afraid to check. I’d be so much more devastated now that I’m pregnant. I’m torn. What to do? Better to check... than have him give u more than just a baby ... like an STD. LOOK AT THE RECORDS
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