SnAAB Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] I apologize for the scattered thoughts and timeline but I amtyping as I remember. I have been in a committedrelationship for about 7 years now. Myboyfriend loves me immensely and would do anything for me. (well, not anything.I’ll explain) However, after all this time I really want to end therelationship but I feel so guilty about it. I had just finished a 3 year bender of being irresponsibleand promiscuous when I learned that I was pregnant. We met online and started dating in Augustjust before I gave birth. He was by myside through the labor and supported me after. In December of that year, he went out of his way to “swing by” and checkin on his ex-girlfriend. They ended upmaking out. He didn’t tell me until my birthday, (September 2006) of the followingyear to which he also revealed that once a week, during the warmer weather theymet up and head over to the state park and “hang out” and “catch up” likefriends. Still, he hid it from me. I blew up. I physically attacked him and we broke up. It was the most agonizing time of my lifebecause my heart was so broken. Eventually, we started talking again and I ended up giving him yetanother chance. Also, randomly in Marchof the same year he randomly broke up with me on a Friday morning before workand told me that things were moving too fast and that he needed some space tofigure out what he wanted in his life. That night he signed up for Adult Friend Finder and went to see a girlwho is obsessed with him for the weekend. We had a long talk and then hetold me that he knew he wanted to be with me. I decided to give him a second chance. He still maintains to this day that nothing ever happened when he wentaway. We then moved from NY to MA in January of 2007. He was going to school and I wasworking. The deal was that he would goto school, get a job and some experience in his field, save up some money andwe would move back to NY. It’s 2012 andwe still live in MA. Somehow we’ve justgotten stuck here. About 2 weeks intoschool he came home and told me that he couldn’t handle being in a relationshipwith me and going to school and he wasn’t physically attracted to me. I fought with him to stay in thisrelationship and we decided to go to couples counseling. I still want to move back to be with myfamily and friends and I have told him every day since he has graduated school. At one point, in 2010 he had gotten a jobback in NY and moved in with his family. I was to graduate school myself and then move out there with him. His job fell apart because the companydissolved. Instead of trying to find ajob in NY which was the end goal, he took a new position at his old job here inMA and moved back. This pretty muchended all of the plans that I had to move back to NY. I truly feel that he did this on purposebecause he does NOT want to live in NY and only wants to stay in MA. If I had known that I was going to be stuckin MA for this long I probably would have ended the relationship before wemoved and never left NY. Now here we are and I have fallen out of love with him. I am no longer physically attracted to him either. I am absolutely terrified of losing himthough. Although I am not IN love withhim, I love him and care about him so much. Yet I have become so dependent ofhim that I have lost sight of who I am or what I want in life. I am turning 30 this year and finally havethe money to move back to NY and go to hairdressing school. I feel like it would be best for me to dothis on my own without him so that I can become independent and learn to standon my own two feet. I feel that if hecomes with me then I will forever be dependent on him and I will never be myown person. He always holds me back andis extremely negative. I feel he willruin my chances to be an extremely successful hairdresser and open my ownsalon. The thought of not being able tohave him in my life is so scary but this relationship is not good. I don’t know what to do anymore. If you’ve read this far….. HELP!?!?!?![FONT=Calibri][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] Edited June 14, 2012 by SnAAB weird markup
Philosoraptor Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 So he played around on the side and had a "friendship" with his ex for awhile. All I see is a bunch of fear of being alone in your post. Both what you write about him and how you see the relationship. It's pretty clear you know what you want to do, so do it. Hopefully you both will heal up quickly and find someone you can have a wonderful relationship with.
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