jobaba Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Seriously, I see so many guys here who can't get a woman or are furiously going through numbers to try and get a woman (me in that group:D). I mean, it's all good, I know that's the way the game is, but... I'm wondering how many guys here, your father or mother sat you down and told you to be aggressive with women, approach them, and expect rejection a lot of times. Actually told you that you need to approach women and initiate to get anything going. I know not all guys have to do this, but a lot of guys do. I think if a guy is armed with this knowledge early, it can really help in terms of knowing what you need to do and how to attack it. It'll reduce your bitterness because you've known that's how the game is going to be. My parents never sat me down partially because they are first generation immigrants, so the game was different for them. They just said ... "Yea, you'll meet someone." I grew up thinking that women would just fall for me in the course of daily activities or that the first one I asked out would be all over me. :lmao: Ummm ... not quite the way it worked out. What about your folks? 1
USMCHokie Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Not a damn thing. My entire family and I have come to an unspoken understanding that we don't talk about dating or relationships...
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I think many people have not gotten much pertinent dating/relationship advice from their parents. In fact most people I know did not. Just too big of a generational gap there. The things that my parents have told me I should and should not do as a woman would have worked out horribly for me. I have several girlfriends who follow all that and really don't have much luck with men at all.
ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My mum spoke about it every now and then. She always used to tell me to be confident and that girls will see "how handsome I am" . It never really quite worked out that way. I never knew things about signs to look for or how to ask girls though, my mum obviously came from a time where things were slightly different. And as I was often an isolated figure (usually of my own accord), I never really learned those things till very late (like, a year and a bit ago ). There were other things she would tell me though - like she would warn me about bringing white girls back to the house. She would often say things like they lie about black guys raping them among other things. But she doesn't really like white girls that much, worse still that my stepfather left her for one. So for many years, I never considered white girls for dating, even though quite a few were interested. Sometimes I wish I never listened . As for my dad - well, he leads by example in some ways. He's always been good with women - too good for his own good in fact. One of my brothers is almost the same age as me - that tells it's own story . He will give me little anecdotes here and there, but he tells me to be optimistic like him, because I am the most like him out of all his children. He encourages me to be healthy and super-fit, and he often says that girls will respond - he is very fit for his age himself.
somedude81 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Not a damn thing. Same. My dad has never talked with me about girls, ever. In that area, he has completely failed as a father. BTW, I actually lived with him from 13-23. My mother was a singlemom after her divorce and never remaired. She didn't know anything about relationships.
Emilia Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My mother tried to give me advice but luckily for me I realised early on she was clueless. Way too defensive and not trusting enough. Whatever she says I do the opposite pretty much.
Philosoraptor Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My mother taught me that nothing good comes from being deceptive and playing games; and only through honesty and openness will we ever find what we truly want out of life. She taught me that everything is a risk, but the reward is well worth the risk when taking it with the right person. Sure I've been burned a lot and my little heart has been crushed many times... but I still have no fear when opening my heart back up. 4
Bristolius Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 From my dad, nothing. My mom taught me that talking to pretty girls would hurt the feelings of the less pretty girls. 1
Author jobaba Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) My mum spoke about it every now and then. She always used to tell me to be confident and that girls will see "how handsome I am" . It never really quite worked out that way. I never knew things about signs to look for or how to ask girls though, my mum obviously came from a time where things were slightly different. And as I was often an isolated figure (usually of my own accord), I never really learned those things till very late (like, a year and a bit ago ). There were other things she would tell me though - like she would warn me about bringing white girls back to the house. She would often say things like they lie about black guys raping them among other things. But she doesn't really like white girls that much, worse still that my stepfather left her for one. So for many years, I never considered white girls for dating, even though quite a few were interested. Sometimes I wish I never listened . As for my dad - well, he leads by example in some ways. He's always been good with women - too good for his own good in fact. One of my brothers is almost the same age as me - that tells it's own story . He will give me little anecdotes here and there, but he tells me to be optimistic like him, because I am the most like him out of all his children. He encourages me to be healthy and super-fit, and he often says that girls will respond - he is very fit for his age himself. My mother taught me that nothing good comes from being deceptive and playing games; and only through honesty and openness will we ever find what we truly want out of life. She taught me that everything is a risk, but the reward is well worth the risk when taking it with the right person. Sure I've been burned a lot and my little heart has been crushed many times... but I still have no fear when opening my heart back up. But I'm not talking about that kind of stuff. Like how to look for character or which types of women to avoid and what type of behavior to avoid using in relationships. I'm talking specific advice about approaching and asking out women or expressing interest in a woman you know. And dealing with subsequent rejection. My parents never mentioned anything to me about approaching women or rejection or asking women out. And while I don't blame them, if I ever have a son or a nephew I'm going to tell him to be aggressive and expect rejection from the get go. Maybe the game was just different for a lot of our parents. Edited June 14, 2012 by jobaba
ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 But I'm not talking about that kind of stuff. Like how to look for character or which types of women to avoid and what type of behavior to avoid using in relationships. I'm talking specific advice about approaching and asking out women or expressing interest in a woman you know. And dealing with subsequent rejection. My parents never mentioned anything to me about approaching women or rejection or asking women out. And while I don't blame them, if I ever have a son or a nephew I'm going to tell him to be aggressive and expect rejection from the get go. Maybe the game was just different for a lot of our parents. Oh....well, I was never taught anything about actually approaching women other than to be a gentleman (mother of course). Dad just said get a 6 pack . He taught me something interesting about rejection though - that I should always reframe it and tell myself that it's not a bad thing. I think it's rather obvious that the game was VERY different for our parents.
Philosoraptor Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 But I'm not talking about that kind of stuff. Like how to look for character or which types of women to avoid and what type of behavior to avoid using in relationships. I'm talking specific advice about approaching and asking out women. And dealing with subsequent rejection. My parents never mentioned anything to me about approaching women or rejection or asking women out. And while I don't blame them, if I ever have a son or a nephew I'm going to tell him to be aggressive and expect rejection. Maybe the game was just different for a lot of our parents. I was told that the worst that could happen is someone could say no. Just kinda be yourself and make conversation like you'd do to anyone else. If you go into something expecting rejection it will show. Just go into it with no expectations. Who knows, you might get talking to them and decide that you're not interested. I know that's happened to me many times. Sure they looked nice but once I got talking to them I knew it wouldn't be a good fit. So instead of asking them out I wished them well and made my way. Why does everyone over complicate things? It's not really that hard and you can't take a rejection (someone just being honest with you) too personally.
Author jobaba Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Oh....well, I was never taught anything about actually approaching women other than to be a gentleman (mother of course). Dad just said get a 6 pack . He taught me something interesting about rejection though - that I should always reframe it and tell myself that it's not a bad thing. I think it's rather obvious that the game was VERY different for our parents. Hmmm... Must have been women's rights and sexual equality that did it.
ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Hmmm... Must have been women's rights and sexual equality that did it. Probably, but I don't see that as a bad thing. My lack of success with women has much more to do with myself than whatever my parents taught me.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My parents were more worried that I'd get a girl pregnant and/or drink and drive. So they told me to always be cautious/careful in life. I ended up a sexless teetotaler. Who knew? 1
Author jobaba Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 I was told that the worst that could happen is someone could say no. Just kinda be yourself and make conversation like you'd do to anyone else. If you go into something expecting rejection it will show. Just go into it with no expectations. Who knows, you might get talking to them and decide that you're not interested. I know that's happened to me many times. Sure they looked nice but once I got talking to them I knew it wouldn't be a good fit. So instead of asking them out I wished them well and made my way. Why does everyone over complicate things? It's not really that hard and you can't take a rejection (someone just being honest with you) too personally. C'mon Raptor... I'm a little older than you and I've lived in and around NYC for a decade... I've met many women at parties, bars, and clubs who I had absolutely no interest in getting to know further after talking to for all of 1 minute flat. I'm just saying mentioning the specifics like a woman you connect with won't always be attracted to you, and that being aggressive and confident with women is important. I know some of this goes for women too.
Philosoraptor Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Well confidence should come from inside so you shouldn't really need to put anything extra on the table. Just be yourself and happy with who you are. Well that's what I said earlier. Someone who rejects you is just being honest with you and you can't ask for much more than that from anyone. Find someone you life for just being themselves and likes you for just being yourself and you'll find one of those happy relationships that never have a reason to end.
Sanman Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Not a damn thing. My entire family and I have come to an unspoken understanding that we don't talk about dating or relationships... Same here for the most part. Then again, my parents are immigrants and have no clue how to date anyway.
joystickd Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Well before my dad met my mom he was a player and even mentioned that there were women that wanted him to pimp them but he said he couldn't go that far. I didn't believe him when he mentioned it at first or even the advice he gave me. After my whole negative situations he gave me advice this time I took it after some relative and friends confirmed his game. I kind of took what he did and stepped it up even more.
Pierre Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Seriously, I see so many guys here who can't get a woman or are furiously going through numbers to try and get a woman (me in that group:D). I mean, it's all good, I know that's the way the game is, but... I'm wondering how many guys here, your father or mother sat you down and told you to be aggressive with women, approach them, and expect rejection a lot of times. Actually told you that you need to approach women and initiate to get anything going. I know not all guys have to do this, but a lot of guys do. I think if a guy is armed with this knowledge early, it can really help in terms of knowing what you need to do and how to attack it. It'll reduce your bitterness because you've known that's how the game is going to be. My parents never sat me down partially because they are first generation immigrants, so the game was different for them. They just said ... "Yea, you'll meet someone." I grew up thinking that women would just fall for me in the course of daily activities or that the first one I asked out would be all over me. :lmao: Ummm ... not quite the way it worked out. What about your folks? Simple advice given to me by my dad: 1. Do not pursue women that are not interested in you. In that manner there will never be rejection. 2. Respect women at all times. 3. Walk away from women that are disrespectful. My dad also gave advice to my sister: 1. Beware: many men just want sex. My dad made sure my sister understood the way men think. 2. Beware of smooth talkers. 1
WonderKid Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My mom taught me a lot about dating. But once I got out there and saw my city for really what it is, I wised up myself and got with the program.
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Seriously, I see so many guys here who can't get a woman or are furiously going through numbers to try and get a woman (me in that group:D). I mean, it's all good, I know that's the way the game is, but... I'm wondering how many guys here, your father or mother sat you down and told you to be aggressive with women, approach them, and expect rejection a lot of times. Actually told you that you need to approach women and initiate to get anything going. I know not all guys have to do this, but a lot of guys do. I think if a guy is armed with this knowledge early, it can really help in terms of knowing what you need to do and how to attack it. It'll reduce your bitterness because you've known that's how the game is going to be. My parents never sat me down partially because they are first generation immigrants, so the game was different for them. They just said ... "Yea, you'll meet someone." I grew up thinking that women would just fall for me in the course of daily activities or that the first one I asked out would be all over me. :lmao: Ummm ... not quite the way it worked out. What about your folks? 'Just be yourself son'. Worked just fine, if the advice was meant to prepare me for being a monk. 2
Quiet Storm Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) My husband and I have both talked to our 16 YO son about "the game". He is tall and good looking and doesn't have problems attracting girls. However, he has had girls do things to try to make him jealous, and one that broke up with him and then turned into a stalker when he didn't go chasing after her. What I try to tell him is how to spot the girls that have issues. I tell him to avoid girls with FOO issues, girls that create drama, liars, attention seekers. He is very smart, well spoken, gets almost all As and plans to be a defense attorney. We warned him about girls that will get pregnant on purpose to trap him, and told him to always use protection. I tell him to not lead girls on. He tells them that he doesn't want anything serious, but some fall in love with him anyway. I've read his texts, and see that he tells them he just wants to date & wants nothing serious. But he is sweet and nice to them, which sometimes confuses them. Some send him naked pics. I tell him that saving or forwarding those pics could be considered child porn and to delete them immediately. I was an early bloomer and got a lot of male attention. My dad did tell me that a lot of guys just want sex and will say anything to get it. Edited June 14, 2012 by Quiet Storm 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My husband and I have both talked to our 16 YO son about "the game". He is tall and good looking and doesn't have problems attracting girls. However, he has had girls do things to try to make him jealous, and one that broke up with him and then turned into a stalker when he didn't go chasing after her. What I try to tell him is how to spot the girls that have issues. I tell him to avoid girls with FOO issues, girls that create drama, liars, attention seekers. He is very smart, well spoken, gets almost all As and plans to be a defense attorney. We warned him about girls that will get pregnant on purpose to trap him, and told him to always use protection. I tell him to not lead girls on. He tells them that he doesn't want anything serious, but some fall in love with him anyway. I've read his texts, and see that he tells them he just wants to date & wants nothing serious. But he is sweet and nice to them, which sometimes confuses them. Some send him naked pics. I tell him that saving or forwarding those pics could be considered child porn and to delete them immediately. I was an early bloomer and got a lot of male attention. My dad did tell me that a lot of guys just want sex and will say anything to get it. I can relate to this. I, despite my lack of dating experience (and I'm the tall, good looking one, who knew ), have had to advise my younger brothers a lot about how to deal with issues concerning girls who behave in this way. My brother whom I am closest with and live with (he's the SHORT good looking one ) has had girls try to trap him with pregnancy before and had a little mini-stalking episode at one point. My mother and I both spoke to him prior to these things happening. He tends to go for girls who are "innocent looking", but I always tell him not to be duped by it, and that he would be better off dating a girl who is more independent like himself and unlikely to be clingy and manipulative like his exes.
somedude81 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) My husband and I have both talked to our 16 YO son about "the game". He is tall and good looking and doesn't have problems attracting girls. However, he has had girls do things to try to make him jealous, and one that broke up with him and then turned into a stalker when he didn't go chasing after her. What I try to tell him is how to spot the girls that have issues. I tell him to avoid girls with FOO issues, girls that create drama, liars, attention seekers. He is very smart, well spoken, gets almost all As and plans to be a defense attorney. We warned him about girls that will get pregnant on purpose to trap him, and told him to always use protection. I tell him to not lead girls on. He tells them that he doesn't want anything serious, but some fall in love with him anyway. I've read his texts, and see that he tells them he just wants to date & wants nothing serious. But he is sweet and nice to them, which sometimes confuses them. Some send him naked pics. I tell him that saving or forwarding those pics could be considered child porn and to delete them immediately. I was an early bloomer and got a lot of male attention. My dad did tell me that a lot of guys just want sex and will say anything to get it. I hate your son. Yes it's jealousy. Edited June 14, 2012 by somedude81 1
SteveC80 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 That stuff is overrated i dont think anyone can help that much in giving advice to get women For one the same thing doesnt work on every girl Lastly the most important factors in getting women are genetics[looks] which you have no control over and social skills which isnt something somebody can really teach you either Being charming and social skills is being an interesting attractive version of yourself and i cant see how someone else can teach you how to be that, you have to figure it out for yourself which for some people can be near impossible unfortunately 1
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