Is my ex's new girlfriend a rebound?

[x_Beth_x]

We were together 4.5 years, he loved me so much and even wanted to marry me. I broke up with him at uni due to lies on his part and the fact we were always arguing. He always said he couldn't live without me, would never let me go, etc. But he didn't fight for me because he said he couldn't live with how much he'd hurt me and I deserved better. He began drinking during the day, hardly eating and only text me when I text him. He kept saying he doesn't know what he wants anymore. I was really upset, I thought he loved me much more than that. After a couple of weeks I went to see him and we both cried, slept together, he took me to lunch and was acting like we were together again. But he still kept saying "I don't know what I want" when I asked why he doesn't want me back. I went back to uni and I did my best to keep contact with him. A few days after my day with him he confessed he had met a girl who kissed him. He said he had no feelings for her but she was "nice to him". When I came back from uni I saw him in town with a girl, holding her hand. The next day he had agreed to see me so I went round, and he told me he was sort of seeing her and had kissed her a few more times. He said he wasn't attracted to her and I was everything to him. We slept together again and he promised to tell her he only wanted to be friends.

 

When I went back to uni, I tried to text him and for a while he responded and we even chatted on the phone. He said he hadn't moved on and still loved me and he hadn't seen her but he still didn't know what he wanted. He lost his phone so I left it a week before contacting him again. When I rang his house, he had his phone back but hadn't contacted me. He said he hasn't moved on from me and misses me "a bit". He said he's been seeing more of this girl, is starting to find her sexy and that she's not his gf "yet". I asked if I could see him when I came home and he said he didn't know because he "won't cheat on her". I got upset and hung up but then tried to phone back a couple of hours later. He told me just to text him and he seemed annoyed I had hung up. I said I wanted to see him one last time to say goodbye face to face and I said I know we both still love each other but I accept you're with her now. He never replied. I came home two days later and we haven't had contact for 2 weeks. Then my friend texts me saying his facebook says he's in a relationship with her and it seems like they're always together. I saw him in town with her today and they were walking to get his bus home to his empty house in the middle of the day - like we used to do. She's not his type at all - she's almost as tall as him, not pretty, overweight and was wearing baggy clothes. I can't believe he's already sleeping with her and taking her to his house and doing all the things we did for almost 5 years. Can he mean it? Is she just a rebound and his way of getting over me? I know how much he loved me so I'm in shock I've been replaced so quickly. I slept with him 3 weeks ago and he told me he wasn't over me 2 weeks ago when we last spoke. He has been suffering with depression since we broke up. I feel like I don't know the person I was so close to was so in love with for almost 5 years.

Please help

Edited June 14, 2012 by x_Beth_x

[Boulware58]

responded to your thread of the same topic in another forum

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/330410-together-4-5-years-new-gf-already-has-he-really-moved

 

 

 

truth is, it is just a rebound, but there's nothing you can do about it, nor should you. Use it as fuel to move on, it's what I need to do. Instead you'll lie awake at night thinking about all the things they're doing together that you wish you were. No more hook ups with him anymore. I've been broken up of my 5 year relationship for 3-4 weeks, and every other week we had sex, and I come to find that the dude she made a mistake with has become her new booty call. So I think about her wearing the hundreds of dollars worth of lingerie I bought for her, for someone else, but if I dwell. I'm the one losing this break-up. We have to better ourselves, otherwise we'll be stuck in this hole they put us in for a very long time.

Edited June 14, 2012 by Boulware58

[LovelyDaze]

To put it bluntly. Yes.

 

But the more YOU stay involved in this ugly mess with him, the more you push him into a longer more permanent situation without you.

 

You see, he now thinks you will tolerate even the most decrepit behavior which is him being "the King" to decide which girl he'd rather be with. BOTH of you girls are each others backup plan whenever the mood strikes him. Therefore, he really doesn't respect either one of you. Neither one of you have standards as far as he is concerned.

 

Whenever your ex gets the itch, he will drift back and forth because he knows both of you will have the low self worth to take it. That is unhealthy on all three of your parts. He's awful for toying with the emotions of you two and both of you girls don't seem to have the courage, strength, or self worth to recognize that he is playing you both. You need to understand that you are a beautiful person and deserve a good man...i repeat...a GOOD man.

 

I've been in your shoes, I know what this is and it is NOT love, sweet girl.

Practice. Try a week without ANY contact. No answering calls, texts, messages, FB posts, etc. This is a good step in healing and finding what you are really made of.

 

Ask yourself, what kind of love do YOU deserve?

[flitzanu]

We were together 4.5 years, he loved me so much and even wanted to marry me. I broke up with him at uni due to lies on his part and the fact we were always arguing. He always said he couldn't live without me, would never let me go, etc. But he didn't fight for me because he said he couldn't live with how much he'd hurt me and I deserved better. He began drinking during the day, hardly eating and only text me when I text him. He kept saying he doesn't know what he wants anymore. I was really upset, I thought he loved me much more than that. After a couple of weeks I went to see him and we both cried, slept together, he took me to lunch and was acting like we were together again. But he still kept saying "I don't know what I want" when I asked why he doesn't want me back. I went back to uni and I did my best to keep contact with him. A few days after my day with him he confessed he had met a girl who kissed him. He said he had no feelings for her but she was "nice to him". When I came back from uni I saw him in town with a girl, holding her hand. The next day he had agreed to see me so I went round, and he told me he was sort of seeing her and had kissed her a few more times. He said he wasn't attracted to her and I was everything to him. We slept together again and he promised to tell her he only wanted to be friends.

 

When I went back to uni, I tried to text him and for a while he responded and we even chatted on the phone. He said he hadn't moved on and still loved me and he hadn't seen her but he still didn't know what he wanted. He lost his phone so I left it a week before contacting him again. When I rang his house, he had his phone back but hadn't contacted me. He said he hasn't moved on from me and misses me "a bit". He said he's been seeing more of this girl, is starting to find her sexy and that she's not his gf "yet". I asked if I could see him when I came home and he said he didn't know because he "won't cheat on her". I got upset and hung up but then tried to phone back a couple of hours later. He told me just to text him and he seemed annoyed I had hung up. I said I wanted to see him one last time to say goodbye face to face and I said I know we both still love each other but I accept you're with her now. He never replied. I came home two days later and we haven't had contact for 2 weeks. Then my friend texts me saying his facebook says he's in a relationship with her and it seems like they're always together. I saw him in town with her today and they were walking to get his bus home to his empty house in the middle of the day - like we used to do. She's not his type at all - she's almost as tall as him, not pretty, overweight and was wearing baggy clothes. I can't believe he's already sleeping with her and taking her to his house and doing all the things we did for almost 5 years. Can he mean it? Is she just a rebound and his way of getting over me? I know how much he loved me so I'm in shock I've been replaced so quickly. I slept with him 3 weeks ago and he told me he wasn't over me 2 weeks ago when we last spoke. He has been suffering with depression since we broke up. I feel like I don't know the person I was so close to was so in love with for almost 5 years.

Please help

 

 

you broke up with him, why do you care?