notalady Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I have been dating a guy for a year now. We are both in our late 20s and it is a serious relationship. He is a great guy in many regards, kind, affectionate, supportive, sensitive, patient (with most things), and have a relatively good sense of humour. But there are a few things about him that bother me and makes me doubt the relationship. Firstly, he is easily frustrated/annoyed and talks to me in a certain frustrated tone, when things don't go smoothly/as expected or when he can't meet a perceived expectation due to external circumstances. And many are such trivial things! For example is, he is a bit of a coffee nut, one time he made me a coffee, after he made the espresso and going to add milk, I asked if I could try a bit of it as an espresso, he got very frustrated, which left me puzzled and upset by his attitude. He later voluntarily explained that if I had wanted an espresso I should have said so, he made a stronger dose for the milk coffee that I asked for and it would be too strong/wouldn't taste good as an espresso. It would have been that simple to explain in the first place and would have been no big deal to me at all, yet he was frustrated by my request, and of course, put us both in a foul mood. I should clarify that he is not rude or abusive in any way and would often voluntarily apologise if he thinks he might have over reacted. But after all, what is done is done. And for information, he is quite apologetic when he fails to meet "expectations" due to his own "fault" or when he makes a mistake, although most of the time, I couldn't care less as I'm really not that fussy, but clearly he had set an expectation in his head. Secondly, he is very sensitive to perceived condescension and would be offended by it. I'm not a condescending person and never mean to give that perception. I recognise that I may have unintentionally talked that way, but most of the time I find it puzzling when he get all offended because I said something that implied he was "stupid" or "didn't know how to do things". It is as simple as me saying things like "why don't you just do xxxx", and one time, for saying "poor baby" (in a genuine way not being sarcastic)! And relevant to that, he doesn't seem to handle criticisms very well, even though I make sure I'm always diplomatic when handing out criticisms, i.e. in a positive tone and along with praises. Not that he would react strongly to it, but he often pass it off with a joke or point out impatiently that he already know that (whatever I was saying). It just feels like he's not comfortable simply accepting a criticism, he has to have some kind of "come back" even if he may have accepted it mentally. Meanwhile he has no problem handing out criticisms to me! (not in a rude or mean way) Anyway sometimes it makes me feel like he is picking on me on purpose and that I can't do or say anything right. I'm usually a very easy going and carefree person and never had this problem with anyone before, but I feel like I have to be careful what I say and do around him. And all in all, makes situations that I normally couldn't care less about become unnecessarily stressful. We are both quite open with communication (one of the things that is making this relationship work) and talking through things. We have talked about some of these situations before, but after a certain point there's really nothing more to address or talk about regarding one issue. I suspect from some of these behaviours that he may feel insecure or not confident enough about himself, but there's not really much other evidence of it, so I can't be sure without some objective opinions. I am trying to figure out what is the root cause for him acting like this and how I can handle it appropriately. More importantly, I have doubts whether I can handle it over the long term, given that only more friction will arise from living together and maybe having a child somewhere down the track. I know all relationships require effort and hard work, some more than others, but how do I know when a relationship is doomed to fail? P.S. I wish there is simply a magic way to tell if a guy is right for you!!
RedFemale Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 "P.S. I wish there is simply a magic way to tell if a guy is right for you!!" There is! When you are with the guy and he makes you feel good about your self and the world around you, than he is right for you. What do i get for spreading wisdom?
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