RedFemale Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Maybe sex is not good enough for him to do that.....
Author luvinthesun Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 There is no philosophy or anything behind this. The guy is crazy. You have the pussy. Ain't no way I'm gonna choose my cats over a woman willing to sleep with me. I would kick them the hell out the room. I still do it to my cat today. Just leave him alone. Think about it, what if you were allergic? Would he still even care? When you kick your cats out the room you're not shunning them or anything. They have an entire house to lay around and play about. What's wrong with you and your partner having your own space at night? I am not allergic but i do have allergies and they are at all an time high right now- but i can say that anyone who does not have allergies would be bothered by 4 cats that shed a lot (one is a long hair cat.) I didn't mention it but I take medication (to keep my cancer from coming back) it does make getting to sleep difficult. Stress is also not good for me. I don't want to do ear plugs or sleeping meds. Like I said- it wasn't this way in the beginning of our relationship-- for about a year of being together ... and he did agree that after a certain time of night the cats were to go outside ... but he is breaking that. It was nice that he did put the cats out to have sex/get naked. That makes me feel weird. So I guess he is getting his way all the way around. I don't have any other alternative that to not stay over anymore. I just really don't want to go over anymore. He does live far for me and it is in the sticks- not near anything at all. Having extra gas money would be nice too. I did one time kick the one cat - out of reflex - when she bit my big toe pretty good while I was sleeping ... and the cat is old and I don't want anything bad to happen to her ... especially from me accidentally kicking or even tripping or whatever. Thank you all. Appreciate it.
FitChick Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 OP, this is why a lot of people won't date anyone who has more than one cat. It tends to be the indication of someone's mental health. I assume you think people who have more than one kid are the same. 1
FitChick Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 But your chances rise exponentially. I know more than one crazy cat lady. There are plenty of crazy women with multiple kids. 1
RedFemale Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 For ones in many many many months, I agree with you FC.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I assume you think people who have more than one kid are the same. Everyone that I've seen that has more than 1 cat/animal got the animals out of loneliness, but rarely pays attention to the animals. They say the animals are like their kids, but they dont treat them as such. No love, no petting. Pretty well neglected actually. It's like the cats were toys that they got tired of in the first month. Ive only seen only a few people with multiple kids, and much of the time, those kids get neglected too. So I think theres something to it. OP you already know where you stand with this guy, I suggest you let the relationship detiriorate.
Author luvinthesun Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 I assume you think people who have more than one kid are the same.I didn't know. He said he had one cat inside ... and then he said he had kitties. He refers to them as babies ... I thought the cat had kittens. he knows the amount of animals he has - as he has other pets- is for lack of a better word- an issue. His family has tried to discuss it with him. He becomes very angry. I agree with the poster about the "toys" comparison. It isn't my place to tell him what to do with his animals- we don;t live together. But he/we did come to an understanding and he agreed to put them back out by a certain time- OR I was going to immediately leave. I should have for three nights - but didn't so it is my own fault. (He had excuses and I was tired- from the other nights not sleeping- lol.) You can love your kids/pets/ mom and dad and not sleep with them.
Author luvinthesun Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Everyone that I've seen that has more than 1 cat/animal got the animals out of loneliness, but rarely pays attention to the animals. They say the animals are like their kids, but they dont treat them as such. No love, no petting. Pretty well neglected actually. It's like the cats were toys that they got tired of in the first month. Ive only seen only a few people with multiple kids, and much of the time, those kids get neglected too. So I think theres something to it. OP you already know where you stand with this guy, I suggest you let the relationship detiriorate. Sorry. I wanted to add that there are people who I do believe can have four pets and they can be well treated. It depends. I had a neighbor with one dog- an akita- that could not handle him. I think people can be the same way- I can see a family with four well behaved/cared for kids- and I can see two unruly not taken care of kids. It depends on the amount of effort you put in. Giving your kids everything and spoiling them without discipline is obviously not the answer- as it is with your pets. Now mind you- there is to me a difference between a human and an animal. OR their wouldn't be differnet laws pertaining to them- IMO.
OliveOyl Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Pets are not kids. Let me repeat that: Pets are NOT the same as our biological human offspring. People who treats pets exactly like their children and will always choose the animal over humans have issues. 1
piggyoink Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 There are plenty of crazy women with multiple kids. I hereby and solmenly declare, with a touch of formality, +1
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Pets are not kids. Let me repeat that: Pets are NOT the same as our biological human offspring. People who treats pets exactly like their children and will always choose the animal over humans have issues. Agreed. I don't see anything wrong with having lots of animals, have 10 cats for all I care if you can manage it, but I would never want to be involved with someone who puts his cat above me. His mom, his dad, his son, I can understand. His cat? No thanks. 1
veggirl Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) OP your BF sounds like a jerk and irresponsible in general. Yes he is choosing his cats over you. f*** me OP, this is why a lot of people won't date anyone who has more than one cat. It tends to be the indication of someone's mental health. I'd say run for the hills. "a lot of people" won't date someone with more than one cat? Really? Where did you learn that it is indicative of someones mental health? I am seriously curious to read this study! I have one cat--am I maybe borderline then? I think it does and I hate to break it to you but a lot of people share this view, including a vast majority of men Again, would LOVE to know where you collected this information Urghhh. I don't understand treating animals as humans, to be honest. Not only does it do all your interpersonal relationships a disfavor, it does the animals a disfavor by coddling them like babies. Animals should be allowed to be animals. They shouldn't be kept inside the house all day, they shouldn't be protected from any possibility of having their own adventures outside because you don't want them to come to any harm, and they don't HAVE to sleep in the same room as their owners! I know people who keep lovely, healthy cats (that they actually bring to the vet regularly for checkups, unlike your bf), and they have a cat-door in the main door so the cats can come in and out of the house as they please, but the bedroom is off-limits for them. Why can't he just get them a nice kitty chamber in the living room to sleep in instead? Elswyth, have you ever had a pet? You sound very naive and frankly ridiculous. A cat door? So my cat can bring in the half dead birds she catches? Clever Not to mention, I live in an area with coyotes and lots of ferals. Most people live in areas with other animals roaming outside who would love access to cat doors / food! OP the fact is your BF won't compromise. The stereotyping of pet owners in this thread is ridiculous but unfortunately your man appears to be one who perpetuates sh*t like this. That and, he is just not into you, obviously. I get valuing a pet and putting their needs high up on the priority list---I adopted my cat and I am her forever home, I am responsible for her. I take that seriously, so I guess I am crazy and/or mentally ill according to this thread but it is what it is. I don't knock your BF for caring about his pets and allowing them in his bedroom, but I am concerned there is NO middle ground--he isn't trying to compromise. That is the problem--the cats are just a catalyst. IF it wasn't the cats, it would be something ELSE. Edited June 14, 2012 by veggirl 3
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 My boyfriend and I have pretty much a great relationship. The only issue is his 4 cats. 3 outside 1 inside One that recently died. Following the (outside) cat's death- bf now brings all cats inside after work ... and to sleep with us. The cats do not have their shots, one has a serious eye issue ... and I don't know when the last time they were at the vet was? It turns into WW3 all night long. I can't sleep. If I get up - bf gets mad. He also lets em in when we have sex/get naked. I have tried to address this- and he has put em out the door once. BF will not stay over at my place- as I have room-mates. It is a battle to even get here when I have place to myself/others on a vacation. He has stayed at my place once this year. I have stayed there prob 70 times. A few weeks ago- bf agreed that after a certain time at night- cats were going back outside. But he doesn't do it and turns into a three year old with excuses when I mention- hey it is midnight ... cats ... He has even brought the cats in after the time we agreed on. Since that happened ... I told bf I wasn't coming over anymore to stay over unless he addressed the situation. He says fine. I can stay home. Obviously he would rather sleep with his cats than me- right? Are you sure he's not a furrie ? Does he have furrie porn ?
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Elswyth, have you ever had a pet? You sound very naive and frankly ridiculous. A cat door? So my cat can bring in the half dead birds she catches? Clever Not to mention, I live in an area with coyotes and lots of ferals. Most people live in areas with other animals roaming outside who would love access to cat doors / food! And you sound extremely quick to judge and frankly not terribly smart. See how that always brings conversations in the wrong direction? I have not, but I have spent a lot of time in the homes of friends who have had pets for many years. Believe it or not, many of them utilize the cat (or dog) door and have no problems with dead birds littering their floors, or with their cats getting eaten by coyotes. It might depend on your locale as to whether or not that is feasible. I do not for one second believe that 'most' people have coyotes roaming the streets of their housing areas, though, seeing as the majority of people who post here are in developed countries AND live in the city. Besides, that was entirely not the point. The point was coddling a cat like a baby is not beneficial. If someone lives in a place where there really ARE coyotes nearby, he can still keep them in the living room instead of on his bed, as I mentioned later on in the part of my post that you snipped out. Nor is dismissing the concerns of a long-term partner without attempting to work out solutions regarding his pets healthy.
piggyoink Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Elswyth, have you ever had a pet? You sound very naive and frankly ridiculous. A cat door? So my cat can bring in the half dead birds she catches? Clever Not to mention, I live in an area with coyotes and lots of ferals. Most people live in areas with other animals roaming outside who would love access to cat doors / food! You are right about that. And there are many places with coyotes around.
CarboniteCammy Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I'm pretty involved with the dog world and I can tell you it's entirely possible to have room enough in your life for multiple dogs, kids, your husband, your mother, your father, etc. You EVEN have all of these things AND keep your house clean, keep your animals properly vetted, AND pay proper attention to the humans in your life. If people use their pets as an excuse to avoid other humans, that is the problem. It's not that people who have multiple pets are crazy, and not all of us with multiple pets ignore our pets or treat them like toys. My dogs are involved in agility and herding and/or obedience, and my family participates in these things with me, so all people and all dogs gets lots of love and attention. If a pooch gets hurt due to an angry sheep or hurts a shoulder or whatever the case may be, then we take them to the vet. We don't have more dogs then what we can handle. And know what else? My dogs are INSIDE dogs. That's right! Crate trained and house broken all of them. My dogs are incredibly intelligent, well kept, and extremely well behaved, as all of them have some amount of obedience training. It can be done and done right, but many people aren't pet-educated and make stupid impulse decisions when purchasing pets in the first place. 1
veggirl Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 And you sound extremely quick to judge and frankly not terribly smart. See how that always brings conversations in the wrong direction? I have not, but I have spent a lot of time in the homes of friends who have had pets for many years. Believe it or not, many of them utilize the cat (or dog) door and have no problems with dead birds littering their floors, or with their cats getting eaten by coyotes. It might depend on your locale as to whether or not that is feasible. I do not for one second believe that 'most' people have coyotes roaming the streets of their housing areas, though, seeing as the majority of people who post here are in developed countries AND live in the city. Besides, that was entirely not the point. The point was coddling a cat like a baby is not beneficial. If someone lives in a place where there really ARE coyotes nearby, he can still keep them in the living room instead of on his bed, as I mentioned later on in the part of my post that you snipped out. Nor is dismissing the concerns of a long-term partner without attempting to work out solutions regarding his pets healthy. You misunderstood the point of my mentioning coyotes. They are quite typical in my area, but for other areas it could be racoons or other ferals (as I mentioned), etc that would love to get access to some food in a house. It didn't sound like the cats are coddled like babies to me, considering they aren't even properly cared for with vet visits! It sounds like the BF lets them in and out of the house, I guess I'd like clarification on the bed issue. My cat sleeps with me, and I doubt I'd kick her out of my bed for my BF (but he likes her) but there are ways around things like this with compromise, which everyone seems to be all "he needs to get rid of the cats, he likes them more than he likes you" Really the problem is he just doesn't give a crap about the OP and he probably is a bad pet owner, and I apologize if I got worked up but the ridiculous stereotypes about pet owners (cat owners specifically) thrown around by some posters in this thread are obnoxious as hell. If the cats are jumping all over the bed at night, they are bored. He should be playing with them before bed time to wear them out so they sleep longer. Or are they hungry? Does he free feed or are they on a schedule? There are options other than choosing a partner or the pet--OPs man isn't interested in exploring those so I'd say BAIL but I take issue with people blaming HIS personality defects on the fact that he has cats, or implying that most cat owners or pet owners are like him.
Els Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 You misunderstood the point of my mentioning coyotes. They are quite typical in my area, but for other areas it could be racoons or other ferals (as I mentioned), etc that would love to get access to some food in a house. It didn't sound like the cats are coddled like babies to me, considering they aren't even properly cared for with vet visits! It sounds like the BF lets them in and out of the house, I guess I'd like clarification on the bed issue. My cat sleeps with me, and I doubt I'd kick her out of my bed for my BF (but he likes her) but there are ways around things like this with compromise, which everyone seems to be all "he needs to get rid of the cats, he likes them more than he likes you" Really the problem is he just doesn't give a crap about the OP and he probably is a bad pet owner, and I apologize if I got worked up but the ridiculous stereotypes about pet owners (cat owners specifically) thrown around by some posters in this thread are obnoxious as hell. If the cats are jumping all over the bed at night, they are bored. He should be playing with them before bed time to wear them out so they sleep longer. Or are they hungry? Does he free feed or are they on a schedule? There are options other than choosing a partner or the pet--OPs man isn't interested in exploring those so I'd say BAIL. Well, I guess I wouldn't equate coddling to 'good care'. There are some people, for instance, who coddle their children, accompany them to school right up to the age of 12, etc, but don't really take good care of them - they don't listen to their problems, teach them important values or enforce any sort of discipline. So the OP's bf is probably that sort of pet owner IMO. I agree that the problem is that he isn't interested in working with the OP to obtain a solution at all.
Author luvinthesun Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 He does not play with them. I do. I made a few toys and some like to play with coins - where I flick and spin them and they grab em. He has basically ignored them besides feeding/water in their cage outside. (They poo all over as no litter box.) The one cat he does refer to as feral- although I don't know what that really means? He is wild. Scratches you- etc. He has about an 700 sq ft living space... his entire place smells like cat pee... and he tries by getting soem stuff at Pet Smart - an enzyme or something. Inside one litter box which needs attention quite often. I bought him those Glade oil plug ins... Like I said before. I do like cats. But u have to be on top of things. The most animals at once for me is 2. Bf will say- well you just never had pets ... you just arent a cat lover. I honestyly think his cats are more nocturnal being that they are outside- they sleep all day when it is hot ... I mean- I think- cause how can they be up all night then??? Or they just don;t want to be in- I don't know. BF does say he will handle it - but nothing is done/training- etc. I pretty much see our relationship going down the crapper.
dasein Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Sorry you are having to go through this OP. Your BF is being selfish and disrespectful. In your shoes, I wouldn't go over there at all unless it was clear beforehand that the cats were going to be left out of the bedroom where you sleep. Multiple cats in a house that aren't really cared for make for poor human living conditions, smell and dander, no thanks, and I have had problem pets myself and love animals. If there is an aggressive cat, put it in the bathroom or a small home kennel. I get a hunch the BF is not really into the relationship and is trying to drive you off in a passive aggressive way, hopefully not. Good luck.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 He does not play with them. I do. I made a few toys and some like to play with coins - where I flick and spin them and they grab em. He has basically ignored them besides feeding/water in their cage outside. (They poo all over as no litter box.) The one cat he does refer to as feral- although I don't know what that really means? He is wild. Scratches you- etc. He has about an 700 sq ft living space... his entire place smells like cat pee... and he tries by getting soem stuff at Pet Smart - an enzyme or something. Inside one litter box which needs attention quite often. I bought him those Glade oil plug ins... Like I said before. I do like cats. But u have to be on top of things. The most animals at once for me is 2. Bf will say- well you just never had pets ... you just arent a cat lover. I honestyly think his cats are more nocturnal being that they are outside- they sleep all day when it is hot ... I mean- I think- cause how can they be up all night then??? Or they just don;t want to be in- I don't know. BF does say he will handle it - but nothing is done/training- etc. I pretty much see our relationship going down the crapper. Yeah OP, maybe he has other issues, but I think he just doesnt like you that much. If you take care of his cats more than he does, and he still doesnt want to compromise, then you need out. My gf has 2 cats and a dog, and she loves them to death, but she would still put me first. She will compromise alot in this area. I have to make sure that she doesnt forget to do something for them when she is leaving them alone for me. But her animals love me, and I like animals in general, and her animals arent a pain in the ass while we sleep. I'd never live with these animals, but they can be fun. Your situation makes me realize that his focus is not on your or the animals.
Seductive Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Yeah OP, maybe he has other issues, but I think he just doesnt like you that much. If you take care of his cats more than he does, and he still doesnt want to compromise, then you need out. My gf has 2 cats and a dog, and she loves them to death You have a gf? I wonder if you tell her to her face that she's gained a lot of weight or that she needs to act like an adult. Hey, you said that such insensitive and rude comments weren't a big deal. Maybe the world showed you what a jerk you are, and you realized you had to change to start attracting women.
D-Lish Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I've had two small dogs for 13 years and they sleep with me. I don't see them as "human", but I love them like crazy and feel I have a responsibility to them. I would never compromise that responsibility to appease another person. I can't stay "out" for 12 hours when they need to get fed or have to be walked. I don't mind not having them in the bed if I am dating someone- but I feel more attracted to those I date that don't complain or insist I make sacrifices that would make me an irresponsible pet owner. Sorry, if I work 8 hours, I can't come straight to your place and spend the evening... I have to go home first to feed and walk the dogs first. Some people get that and respect it, some people don't. I obviously get along with those that respect that. If the guy just had a cat die, he's in protective mode, it's not a time to stomp your feet and make demands that he kick the cats out at a certain time to appease you. That's never going to win you points with someone that loves their animals. If anything, it would have been a good time to be more understanding. He is probably feeling a lot of anxiety regarding his loss. Now isn't a time to complain- it's actually a good time to step up and show MORE compassion. 2
Eddie Edirol Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) If the guy just had a cat die, he's in protective mode, it's not a time to stomp your feet and make demands that he kick the cats out at a certain time to appease you. That's never going to win you points with someone that loves their animals. If anything, it would have been a good time to be more understanding. He is probably feeling a lot of anxiety regarding his loss. Now isn't a time to complain- it's actually a good time to step up and show MORE compassion. Maybe you missed the part of her post that read that he completely neglects his animals, thats why the cat died, she does most of the cleanup, and he shows no love towards the cats? That he gets angry when his family tries to talk to him about his (animal hoarding?) problem? Whatever his problem is, it has nothing to do with animals. It doesnt seem like he is feeling any anxiety about the animals when he neglects them so badly. Edited June 15, 2012 by Eddie Edirol
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