can arguing remove one person's love for another and cause them to leave?

[Kate]

i'm just wondering...if two people love eachother but outliers are affecting the relationship, and in turn arguments insue, mainly from one person, can that cause the other person to detach emotionally forever? i think this was PART of the case in my breakup, i wasn't happy with some things and we started fighting once a week. it killed the relationship and we broke up (he needs time and space now because he wasn't ready and the fighting hurt us).

 

my question is this: if he truly loves me, and although he removed himself because we were clearly not functional because of several issues affecting us, will love still be there in the same way after time? if he truly loves me? or does fighting make someone not attracted, not desire you anymore? i know this is ambiguous, but i need opinions. i'm trying to sort out stuff in my head now. i want to understand my role.

 

i never threw things at him, cursed, etc...it was more like emotional behavior, not screaming or anything, more like chipping away with "why this why that, i feel rejected (i did!)" and an argument would start. i think i was founded on the argument factor, but think i approached things totally the wrong way. even though i maybe was right, is the way i went about it ({emotional) going to affect the way he feels about me? i want to know what makes a guy lose feelings. i was extremely respectful when not arguing, and not disrespectful while arguing...but it was an emotional rollercoaster. will this cause a guy to run, no matter if he's wrong or right? or do guys really take time to think about what THEIR role was? do they care? i know everyone is diff.

 

i guess i'm hoping that my time apart is causing us to both think. he did tell me that if he had been different then i never owuld have felt like i did in the relationship...but now he needs time for several reasons. i am repeating myself here, trying to find the right words -- is it possible for a guy to return after a breakup and what would be grounds for him losing feelings? can a woman really push him away with too much emotional stuff? i think that's crap

[thecake]

Yes, I believe fighting can make people fall out of love. It depends on what the issues are and if EVERY time you have an arguement one of you wants to break up. Like you, I'm not an arguer at heart...I don't yell, scream, throw things, etc. but I do want to discuss things that bother me in a calm manner.

 

Emotional issues....yep...when one person in a relationship has emotional issues it can drive away the other person if they don't have the maturity/know-how to deal with it or understand it.

 

He says he needs "time" or "space"? That is a huge red flag...

[Kate]

tell me why it is a huge red flag ( i think i know ) in your opinion. and yes, yo uare SO righta bout having the maturity/know how to deal with my slight emotional issues from time to time. it's not like i was ever a mess, just female stuff!! with one relationship under his belt, he's lacking knowhow and expeirence...what do you think? he literally ran away every time we had a fight. literally. and would avoid me. but then we'd talk about it. he just didn't get it. things would start over something small, but his inability to deal made things worse. they went from something little to something big. sound familiar?

[thecake]

When a guy tells you he needs "space" or "time" it's an easy way out of the relationship. He doesn't have the balls or ability to communicate what he's feeling and it's his way of getting out of the relationship without looking like too much of a jerk. Funny how some men can turn it around on the girl as being too emotional when it's quite obvious who has the emotional problem, right? It's a wimpy move to run after a fight but a wonderful insight into a guys character but not all guys are like that.

 

I know I'm not an emotional mess either but I am a very passionate person about some things. I express myself on anything and everything and I don't mind or even expect the guy I'm with to agree with me...heated debates are fun! My definition of a "real" relationship is being with a guy who knows and UNDERSTANDS women...most of us don't live on an even emotional keel day in and day out. And, I don't think guys do either...but it's so draining to have the fear that you'll break up just because you don't disagree about something with the person you love and who is supposed to love you. That is not a real relationship.

[moimeme]

If a lot of your arguments included you accusing him of doing things he didn't do and they happened often, for sure.

[Kate]

i never once accused him of doing anything he didn't...basically, he was very detached and introverted and didn't ever ever express himself...i tried hard to accept it, but couldn't. so what would happen was my frustration and personal strife would come out sporadically and we didn't really pinpoint as to why. after some time apart, we did pinpoint it -- but it was too late, we already had issues. he didn't give me what i needed and it caused problems.

[msrealdoll]

I think a lot depends on how long you were together, and how much of that time was good. How long were you with him? How much of that time was spent arguing?

[meanttolive4ever]

me n my ex were happier together before we started arguing..which was like almost a yea...but then we started rguing around xmas...so id say we were happy from about April - November and from December - February we did nothing but argue...and then finally in Feb. he dumped me. so i dont know