dudesomewhere Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 I always put the female thing in there just in case there is a difference... And of course I usually want womens' perspectives accordingly Last night, I decided to go out...no big deal type stuff. Doing stuff by myself...go to your local electronics store, book store, etc and then go catch a movie. Right before hitting the road, and that's literally, I called up a female friend and asked her if she was doing anything and if she wanted to come see a movie with me. It was around 8:30pm when I called. Summing up before I revisit the situation...she can't so I go off and do my own thing. now bare with me as I tell my tale so I start driving and damn these slow ass drivers are paining me...I'm trying to see if I can hit best buy before it closes...no best buy hating here I love the place . All the slow driving denies me my dvd browsing...so I head to my next best place, Borders for all the books. So I browse in borders for an hour, bought 4 books and ended up not seeing a movie. I drive home and am thinking about getting some food...but it's so late I'm wondering what I can get. I stop by this chinese place...it's past closing but they are in there, see me and let me in, woohoo. They closed at 10pm and it's 10:45 as I arrive...I order and go home. What awesome people While driving home though, I just recapped my day...cuz I woke up around 7pm . So my day started with my friend basically. I mental recap and fast forward to chinese pickup and pondered on something. When I asked my friend if she wanted to go see a movie, she said she couldn't and that she had plans but kept stressing "wow, that was last minute"..."that was really last minute". That thought got to me a little...it's all a part of my over analyzing nature I guess but I wonder...what goes on in women's heads. I wonder because, well...let's say she has plans, that she might have chores or errands or even a date. Why would it sound like a big deal if it was last minute? Now keep this in mind...that there is nothing romantic or intimate between us. So with that I ran through my head the possibilities for such a reaction...and I came up with this. Could it be that she thinks I asked last minute because MAYBE, just MAYBE that LAST MINUTES requests are usually never feasible? Meaning, do you think she thinks I asked because there was a huge chance she couldn't make it? And that that might have put her off? What do you think? I don't think male friends would care either way but I'm wondering if female friends look at it differently. I swear I wasn't asking "last minute" because I felt she couldn't make it...I just asked. . Asking things "last minute" isn't bad is it? Do you think she could have seen that as passive aggressive behavior? Damn I swear it wasn't! oh, btw, I had shrimp and brocolli. I loves the broc...had some carrot and a little mushroom. I pigged out...ordered the large $10 and ate it all by myself ...ah that stuff was good
thecake Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 the other day with a co-worker. She is a "planner" and everyone in her family knows this. She doesn't really get along with her in-laws and recently they called her up to offer her the use of a beach house...the very NEXT day...for two days. Now, she and I both concluded that it made her in-laws look very nice and charitable to offer the use of their house but they KNEW she would say no because it was so last minute...no time to pack, etc. Personally, I'm a planner as well. I normally have life outside of work planned (even if it's a night to do nothing) at least a week and sometimes two weeks ahead of time. Anyone who knows me well would never seriously call me up at the last minute and invite me to dinner or a movie and honestly expect me to say yes. I would most certainly think they were asking knowing and expecting me to say no...so what's the point? However, I also realize that there are plenty of fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants types of people out there, which is nice for them but they're never going to be able to spend time with me unless they can learn to plan ahead.
Author dudesomewhere Posted June 30, 2004 Author Posted June 30, 2004 waaah...wahhaaahaa...ooowooohooo that's me crying btw eeeeh, my concerns...I hope that wasn't the case. I measured it against the fact she said she had plans...bah, why do women make such a big deal out of it when they already had plans...it was just hanging out. I'm not in the least spontaneous...at least I don't think so Are some people that bored they'll get a little mad at you if they had a chance to just hang out doing something? lol...you know if someone is thinking, "I have 7 days here...but only 6 things to do, one for each day...that leaves me with nothing to do for this 1 day. You suck! I could have done this/that for this day but you called me "last minute"!? That's outrageous!!!" , bah, she'll get over it. Probably only bothered her for 15 minutes right?
HoldOn Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 I'm sure it didn't bother her at all. I think she was trying to say that she wants to hang out with you, but she needs more notice next time. She was trying to emphasize that she really did have plans and really does want to go out with you, but the timing was just bad. So just give her a couple days notice next time. But anyway, I'm not saying that this girl thinks this, but if you ask girl out ahead of time, this means that you actually put some thought into it and weren't just bored. When you actually want to go out with someone, you'll plan it a couple days in advance to make sure she can go and you'll have an idea about what you're going to do, etc... It just shows that you care. That being said, just because you ask someone out last minute does not mean that you're an insensitive bastard, it just means that you didn't put any thought into it. As a woman myself, , we like to be first on your mind, not a last minute side note. Maybe you asked me out last minute because your first choice girl fell through....
CurlyIam Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 I don't mind doing "last minute" things with mt friends! I have this male friend and we spend quite a lot of time together, sometimes, he just calls and we go visit a museum or a park or a corner of the city. I like spontaneus things with my friends. With my bf... that's another story! I want to know in detail and before hand where we're going and how long and what we're gonna do. I don't know why, I just feel this need to have everything under controll while with him. MAybe it's because we don't see each other too often and I find it a bit distubing to have this as a preocupation too on my head (I want to concentrate exclusively on my baby ) My your female friend just wanted to plan her evening, not necessarily with you, but like a schedule... I can't understand it really, I'm very spontaneus with my friends, but I know there are people like that.
Author dudesomewhere Posted June 30, 2004 Author Posted June 30, 2004 gaaahhh nooo! that's why I stress the no romance and nothing intimate...and that I took her plans as she might also have had a date planned. Think of me as a chick...I sort of look like one and I'm a sissy! ehehe no really...it's all buddy buddy, no hoochie coochie hmm, I'm really a planner myself...I was thinking maybe on a very casual subconscious level that she was more of a spontaneous person. Hmmm...planners and spontaneous people...now that's something to consider. you think if it was female/female friend it would still be the same? IE., if one person was a planner and doesn't like spontaneity in general all that much? Doh! Now, rethinking it...this part "Maybe you asked me out last minute because your first choice girl fell through...." even if I this was a female/female thing, I'm now thinking that this might be the case. Do any of you women not think the best when a female friend would ask something like this, giving the impression that some previous date didn't fall through? if so I guess I might have to stop that and never do that again...I never want anyone to think I consider them a fallback plan...damn that was insensitive me. I am an insensitive prick but I'm over it a little
HoldOn Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Curly, I thought I was the only one! I also don't mind planning out last minute things with my friends, but I want everything planned out with my bf. I don't know why, but it just makes me feel more secure. If one of my friends had to cancel last minute, I would just shrug it off and do something else. But if my bf cancelled plans I would be royally pissed. I think it's because I am more afraid of being hurt by my bf. Also, I don't want any misunderstandings. Like if I think we're spending Sunday morning together, but he actually has plans I would feel like an ass.
Fayebelle Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 bullpoop If someone calls and asks me to go out - I figure it's b/c they want to go out. I try not to question my friends' motives.
HoldOn Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Hey dude! I am sure that she wasn't mad at you, but she was probably just trying to be apologetic that she couldn't come! Don't worry about it! If you are just looking to be friends, I'm sure she isn't pissed at you.
Bojickwoman Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 that the reason she kept making a deal about it being last-minute is that she would have prefered to go out with you instead of the person she had the plans with? I'm assuming that she already confirmed with the other person/people she would indeed go out with them, therefore would not just blow them off and go out with you. So, she probably just wished you had called a little earlier before she made the other plans. I know myself I am a planner by nature, but I also try to allow some flexibility in my life because sometimes the most fun things are the spontaneous things!
Author dudesomewhere Posted June 30, 2004 Author Posted June 30, 2004 I don't know...it really is platonic. Like brother and sister so I couldn't imagine her being more enthused say going out with someone like a brother than going out with say another female friend or even a date. that and I am quite a boring guy...going out with me would be like going out with someone half sedated...I mean, I went to a book store. Now given any number of possibilities with another female friend or date...who the heck would prefer that, hehe
savethedrama4allama Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Sounds like she was bummed because she really would have liked to go but she didn't have enough advance warning and had subsequently made plans. I wouldn't worry about it!
CurlyIam Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Like brother and sister so I couldn't imagine her being more enthused I like going out with my sister.She's fun to be with - and I'm no saying that bc I haven't seen her in almost a year. I adore going to bookshops with my friends. I have no male frieds who do that often - except for the one I've told you before, but with him I usually go to cinema to see weird movies . oh, and I didn't mean to imply the hootchie thing either.I was just telling you about how I am. HoldOn: you are sooo right about the bf stuff, I also am oversensitive about plans made beforehand .
Guest Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 to be honest bro....your over analyzing things.....i doubt she would be mad, i doubt swhe even thought about it afterwards. You really need to stop analyzing every little thing because it keeping you from living in the moment.
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