xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I want to date again but at the same time I've grown a little scared about becoming emotionally invested with someone. I never realized how much options I have, but at the same time I think most of these guys are a waste of time. They aren't serious and even somd have shown their clinginess by repeatedly calling and spamming my phone. The one guy I'm crushing on is either completely clueless or he actually treats me like a bro with a vagina. At the same time, my previous experience left me slightly scarred. I haven't dwelled on it but the few occasions I have, I'm either sad, angry or both. I don't know what to do with myself. I can be such an open person but then almost immediately, I literally want to close myself off and shun everyone. What should I do? I want to put myself out there and meet people yet I've become cautious to the point of paranoia. I don't want to play with people's feelings subsequently I realise I don't necessarily care for other's feelings.
Leigh 87 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 If you have mental issues, regarding dating and close interactions with people ( or just men), I suggest either casual fun, or non at all. By casual, I mean - see a guy, spend the night together, enjoy the company and the sex, and leave it. Do not do it often enough to develop feelings. Or, if your like me, you can be casual without developing feelings, if that is your mindset. From your previous post, I can only summize that you get good feelings about a guy, but then it goes all complicated..... So, if you feel like the company of a guy, why not keep it casual and simple, until your REALLy ready to date? I do not recommend that you date! I dated before i was ready, neither my partner nor I wanted anything serious, yet we fell in love and here we are. He has had to put up with HELL, because of my stupid personal issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 It was too much for him a lot of the time, yet he could not leave, as he loves me and we were too miserable apart ( we are not the types who need a relationship - both the opposite) I DO NOT recommend dating, if you have ANY serious issues that hinder a relationship! I am glad I met my partner, and we are stable now, I am getting therapy and feelig great, and my personal dramas are dissipating..... But I WOULD NOT wish it on ANY guy, to have to deal with what my oartner has had to endure, because of my psychological, mental issues. Sorry, I do not know if you have any deap seated issues at all, I am just going on your last guy you dated, and you were in a really bad predicament - wayy to complicated for the amount of time us pent together. Have you honestly learnt from it? Enough to have a care free, easy relationship? It took me more than a year, to have a totally care free, stable relaitonship, where I did not cause ANy drama. Make that a year and a half.
amantis Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 You feel like dating again and i think that you are prepared the problem is that you are afraid of the dating part . I am too , i can tell you that i hate dates , if i could i would just go straight to a relationship lol , BUT use the dates to know more about the guys . We think about dates = possible boyfriend/girlfriend ... try to look the other way around , meet them , have fun , see if theres something more there , if not you go to the next , if there is something more , good luck for you . I can tell you that if you look for someone with no problems ... that doesnt exist , so go for someone with LESS problems lol , just be careful not mistake your feelings , relax and enjoy , its great to meet new people
simplicitydating Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Going into a relationship has many risk and we have to face those fears. There are many option and help in order to find the right person for you. You can try visiting this simplicitydating
Philosoraptor Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Just be yourself and don't allow yourself to settle for something that will not make you happy. Be patient and know that in the end you're not looking for many options, but one good one. Wait to get invested until you've found one that your heart feels is worth getting invested in.
veggirl Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Paper, I think being single for a bit would be good for you. I think some self-reflection is in order after your last relationship--you should sit down with yourself and think about what you really want out of a guy, and what you will not tolerate. Your boundaries are too wishy washy and I am afraid you will attract / stay with guys you shouldn't while that is still the case. I think once you know truly what you will and will not be okay with, you will feel better about dating because you will spot red flags sooner and you will walk when you do, you won't find yourself staying with someone who is not good for you for months. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I agree with vegirl. Dating, per se, would be fine I'm sure, but you would be much happier doing it if you had your own boundaries in order first. Dating and getting totally embroiled emotionally are not the same thing.
Imajerk17 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) The one thing I've noticed in you and the "borderline"-type people on this forum (and a lot of other people on here too, to be frank) is a certain sense of entitlement and not taking responsibility. Is it really the guys who are a waste of time or could it be instead at least partially the way you acted with them? Or even the type of guys you pursue? I agree with veggirl and Mme Chaucher. Edited June 15, 2012 by Imajerk17
AlexDP Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 The one thing I've noticed in you and the "borderline"-type people on this forum (and a lot of other people on here too, to be frank) is a certain sense of entitlement and not taking responsibility. Is it really the guys who are a waste of time or could it be instead at least partially the way you acted with them? Or even the type of guys you pursue? I agree with veggirl and Mme Chaucher. I honestly don't understand why you are asking this level of introspection from a person you describe as a borderline. It ain't gonna happen.
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