PeacefulWarrior Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 and a half years now. For about the past year she has become less and less interested in sex, she either acts like I am the greatest person in the world or the most annoying person in the world (more often), and she has a hard time sharing her feelings about anything. I consider myself very open, communicative, and supportive in relationships. I often ask her what is bothering her or what she needs to feel supported and be happy. At first, she complained a lot about not being able to live out her dreams or have the time to do what she really wanted to do- which was be a model, play guitar, make art, read, and be in nature. I had been working tirelessly to build a company and it was starting to generate some good income for us, so I made a deal with her that January 1st, 2012 she could quit her job and I would support her doing all of those things. (This was in november 2011) Flash forward to now. My business improved greatly, I moved us into an amazing house with an ocean view, a pool, hot tub, and an separate offices for each of us. She has been modeling since January (has not been to a paid shoot yet) and she has all the time in the world to play guitar, make art, etc. But now all she does is sit on her computer either editing her pictures or being a zombie on Facebook. Most of the time she still acts like I am the most annoying person in the world, and still about 90% of the time she is turned off by any sexual advance (even if it precluded with a romantic dinner, a fun date, a massage, and intimate talk, etc.) We do have sex about twice a month but only if she initiates it. It is very hard to get her in the mood otherwise. So again I ask what she needs to feel supported and happy. She now says that she has to take care of herself first (which I agree is important) and then she can feel more free to participate in the relationship. So I ask her what exactly that entails and she just says "space". Explained as: The space to feel free to make art, listen to music, be in nature, etc. So I continue to do my best to support that. I do my part to clean, do dishes, take out the trash. I walk the dog, I give her massages and rub her feet, I make her breakfast, lunch and dinner. I leave the house a few times a week so she can have alone time. I let her go shopping and buy clothes and stuff for the house without complaint. She takes off and goes to festivals and comes home whenever she wants. And she still doesn't seem good enough for her. So I am starting to get the feeling that she doesn't actually like me, she is just using the situation so she can not work, live in an awesome house, and play all day (which, oddly enough, she is not even taking full advantage of). I feel like she has gotten really good at turning every situation around to be my fault so I stay in a prison of guilt and don't wise up and leave her. She also is really good at teasing me sexually, but not following through. She'll act or dress sexy, give me kisses, and say sweet things, but then when I try to initiate anything sexual she gets all upset. And then if I try to talk openly about my feelings about my general needs or my sexual needs, she flips everything on me and makes me feel like I have 1,001 issues and she is perfectly normal. I do want to state that I am not without my own faults. But I am open about them, responsive to criticism, open to making changes, and constant trying to improve myself. Her and I do have some good times where we are very into each other and have a lot of fun. But it seems like those times are getting more sporadic. I obviously have tried to talk with her about all this but like I said, she just turns everything around to make it look like I have a zillion problems and I am just being too needy or controlling. I don't know what to do or say, I couldn't possibly be any less controlling! I feel like I am giving her everything and getting stomped on! Thanks in advance for your advice 
mesmerized Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 This post can't be for real. If it is, yes, she is using you. Not only that, I'm almost positive she is cheating on you too. My guess is that she is much more good looking than you are so you have a hard time letting her go. But you should and you will have to, sooner or later. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Mabye the fact that you are concerned gave her hand and she doesn't want it. She may be the type of woman who wants to have the edge of her seat where she has no control so she can rack her brains. You handed everything to her on a silver platter which told her your world will collapse if she doesn't come around. The balance shifted from what should be 50/50 to her. Start doing your own thing. Go out and have fun, party. Don't tell her what you're doing! Get her on the edge of her seat again.
USMCHokie Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Holy jeezus you have to initiate the LAUNCH sequence...like now... I agree with mesmerized...this can't be real...and you can't seriously be that desperate for companionship... You really need to place all of her things outside of your house and let her be in nature. 1
utterer of lies Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 She has been modeling since January (has not been to a paid shoot yet) So she screws her photographer. How does that make you feel? and still about 90% of the time she is turned off by any sexual advance (even if it precluded with a romantic dinner, a fun date, a massage, and intimate talk, etc.) We do have sex about twice a month but only if she initiates it. She's a very well-paid whore. I don't know what to do or say, I couldn't possibly be any less controlling! I feel like I am giving her everything and getting stomped on! Are you really this naive? How does this work out with your business, then. Wow. But lets pretend this is real. Dominance/Submission games in relationships should only be played if both sides enjoy it. You clearly do not. So why do you play the slave role?
bolase Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 If I were in her situation, and loved you, I'd be the happiest girl in the world. I agree that she is possibly cheating on you. She also sounds like she doesn't know how to live life to the full or bring anything new to your shared life. Hopefully, you see this, and eventually get a much cooler girlfriend!
Andy_K Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 You really need to place all of her things outside of your house and let her be in nature. Awesome idea But in all seriousness, you are being taken for a ride here. You need to get rid of her, and no matter how much she pleads and promises to change (and she will, she's manipulative) you must not cave in. Find someone much more deserving of what you have to offer.
Author PeacefulWarrior Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) This post can't be for real. If it is, yes, she is using you. Not only that, I'm almost positive she is cheating on you too. My guess is that she is much more good looking than you are so you have a hard time letting her go. But you should and you will have to, sooner or later. We're both attractive. And I have no problem getting women, I guess I just got wrapped up trying to be the greatest boyfriend in the world. Thanks for all your responses. And yes I am for real about all of this. It's great to get some perspective on it and validate how I was feeling. I suppose I thought that I could be the opposite of everything every girl complains about, but that **** doesn't really matter. You can give them the whole world, be the best lover, be buff and rich and handsome, and they still walk all over you. Next time around I going to make sure she earns it. Not just give it all away. Edited June 14, 2012 by PeacefulWarrior
bolase Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 But it doesn't sound like you love each other, you just want to be seen as perfect, individually. And sex twice a month? Do what makes you happy.
Andy_K Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Next time around I going to make sure she earns it. Not just give it all away. Be careful you don't punish every girl you meet for the behaviour of this one. That road just leads to bitterness and mistrust. Just because you've got one bad apple, doesn't mean there aren't a lot of great girls out there.
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