ALoveStudent Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Hey guys, my name is Andrew and I am currently studying the psychology behind romantic relationships. Today, I have been looking into the role that sex plays in a romantic relationship, and have come up with the following question... Is the quality of a couples sex life a good indicator of how healthy the relationship is as a whole?
laotzu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Quality is a relative concept, so of course, the answer is "yes". It's like asking if the sweetness of an apple is related to its desirability. Well, sure -- but some people like a red delicious, and some people like a macintosh. If you get a match, then yeah, it's all good. This is to say: if one person wants it once a week, and one person wants it once a day, you're going to have a conflict.
Silly_Girl Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I can only have great sex if I feel very safe with a partner, hence confident. I can only open up properly if there is the chemistry and affection that comes with or is boosted by a decent sexual relationship. Those 2 areas move slowly forward simultaneously for me, so my answer to your question is Yes.
Leopard Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) No. First of all, most women fake because they don't orgasm as easily as men. That doesn't mean their sex lives are dull, but they just don't orgasm so they fake it. So obviously the quality of sex for HER is not an indicator of how the relationship is going. Just because she doesn't orgasm doesn't mean the relationship sucks. That said, I read an article not too long ago that surveyed men and women and asked the following: Which is worse, your spouse having sex with another person they are NOT inlove with, or your spouse being inlove with another person but not having sex with them? Roughly 70% of women said being inlove with no sex is worse, but around the same percentage of men said having sex without being in love is worse. So basically to a man, sex is one of the biggest factors in what makes a relationship, whereas for women it's the emotions (surprise surprise). Point? Men think that if there is sex in the relationship, everything is fine. Women don't care as much for sex, as long as the man loves them. I went through a dry spell with my boyfriend and just because we didn't have sex for two weeks, all of a sudden he had these crazy ideas that I was cheating or seeing another man. Which is ridiculous because I was with him almost everyday. So the quality doesn't matter, as long as the man is having sex with his girl, to him that means the relationship is good. Quality does not determine relationship. If a woman has sex with her man, and even if it's great, it doesn't matter if he doesn't have feelings towards her. So the quality of sex also doesn't determine the relationship as a whole. So to answer your question, I don't think the quality of the sex determines the relationship as a whole. Sex can be the ONLY problem in a relationship even if everything else is perfect yet people break up over it. Does it determine how good the relationship was? No, but if there is no sex one partner is usually so unhappy with it that they leave. How IMPORTANT is the quality of sex is another question. Bad sex is enough to break up a couple with an otherwise PERFECT relationship. Again, not an indicator of the relationship itself. The most passionate and incredible sex is usually with the kind of men who wouldn't make good boyfriends/husbands. I know this isn't uncommon and this has also been my experience. So no, it doesn't determine a relationship. Everything else does. Edited June 14, 2012 by Leopard
HHC Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Plenty of couples have sex out of habit or comfort. Doesn't mean they're in love and have a strong relationship
utterer of lies Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Is the quality of a couples sex life a good indicator of how healthy the relationship is as a whole? No. Most people don't really change, so if they have a good or bad sex life is more dependent on the personalities of the people involved. If the sex life is stable, that is, constantly good or bad or slightly improving or deteriorating, the couple is stable. Good or bad, it doesn't even really matter. They might be happiest partner for life, or depressed with each other but unable to break up. As soon as the sex life becomes really good or bad, something must have changed that will have an impact on the relationship - breaking it up, affair, whatever. I also noticed that after breaking up, or after re-uniting after breaking up, the sex usually improves for a short while.
denise_xo Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Is the quality of a couples sex life a good indicator of how healthy the relationship is as a whole? On its own, no. But the absence of a good quality sex life can be a serious drain on a relationship.
Andy_K Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Yes. For me at least. Sex for me is an outlet for feelings, affection, desire, and lust. If I'm not having sex regularly within a relationship, it's because I'm not really feeling one or more of those things, or because she's not in the mood. Either one of those two means the relationship has problems, and is not as strong as it could be. For me, if the sex is great it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is great, but if the sex is lacking it does mean the relationship is lacking.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Affirmative. I don't know how much you can draw from the question of individual person's answers however. I can't really see a romantic relationship remaining that way if sex is a problem. Surely people can have infatuations that can last a life-time if they simply love someone from afar. But if you actually get the object of your dreams, the dream can fall apart if reality fails to measure up.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 No way... I had written an epic post explaining so much but I guess the site signed me out and it just disappeared. So I'll just explain that sex is one element of a relationship, it can sustain a relationship itself w a few other elements for some, for some time, but it cannot endure. Generally speaking If both people are happy in a relationship, they are more likely to have a healthy sex life, but judging from that alone without considering the other elements would be a grave mistake. Parties with high sex drives would easily confuse you, as they are only not fighting when having sex and sometimes having sex right after they were fighting. Parties with low sex drives might have little sex regardless, and that might be unhealthy to some. It depends on what is required by the people involved and what is considered satisfacotry and under what terms. The vast majority of married men (beyond 2 years at the very least, if not 4)I have interacted with, had no or poor sex lives, but both parties usually blame the other..so it's a bit confusing to decipher at times, It's like a he said she said kind of a situation...maybe It's just two people that shouldn't be together anymore, however I can tell you as a man I am a little worried/scared that the sex life will drop off or decrease greatly w marriage based on what I've seen/heard, but maybe we're all doomed
Author ALoveStudent Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 No. First of all, most women fake because they don't orgasm as easily as men. That doesn't mean their sex lives are dull, but they just don't orgasm so they fake it. So obviously the quality of sex for HER is not an indicator of how the relationship is going. Just because she doesn't orgasm doesn't mean the relationship sucks. That said, I read an article not too long ago that surveyed men and women and asked the following: Which is worse, your spouse having sex with another person they are NOT inlove with, or your spouse being inlove with another person but not having sex with them? Roughly 70% of women said being inlove with no sex is worse, but around the same percentage of men said having sex without being in love is worse. So basically to a man, sex is one of the biggest factors in what makes a relationship, whereas for women it's the emotions (surprise surprise). Point? Men think that if there is sex in the relationship, everything is fine. Women don't care as much for sex, as long as the man loves them. I went through a dry spell with my boyfriend and just because we didn't have sex for two weeks, all of a sudden he had these crazy ideas that I was cheating or seeing another man. Which is ridiculous because I was with him almost everyday. So the quality doesn't matter, as long as the man is having sex with his girl, to him that means the relationship is good. Quality does not determine relationship. If a woman has sex with her man, and even if it's great, it doesn't matter if he doesn't have feelings towards her. So the quality of sex also doesn't determine the relationship as a whole. So to answer your question, I don't think the quality of the sex determines the relationship as a whole. Sex can be the ONLY problem in a relationship even if everything else is perfect yet people break up over it. Does it determine how good the relationship was? No, but if there is no sex one partner is usually so unhappy with it that they leave. How IMPORTANT is the quality of sex is another question. Bad sex is enough to break up a couple with an otherwise PERFECT relationship. Again, not an indicator of the relationship itself. The most passionate and incredible sex is usually with the kind of men who wouldn't make good boyfriends/husbands. I know this isn't uncommon and this has also been my experience. So no, it doesn't determine a relationship. Everything else does. Interesting that you bring this up. They say that the way men bond in general is by doing things with one another such as going to the gym versus women bond by talking with one another. So it makes sense that men may view sex as the activity that creates a stronger bond with their significant other while women don't view it as such. Personally, in my own relationship I find that if my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with me or attempt to initiate sex, I eventually start to feel uncomfortable in the relationship. I don't know why this happens, but it just does, and my normal reaction is to distance myself from her emotionally when I think things are going south. On the other hand, I think it has to do more with the consistency in our sex than it does with the actual activity. Example: If every week for 3 months we have sex on Monday tuesday thursdays and saturdays, then suddenly she is only willing to have sex on every other Tuesday, I will think something is wrong. Who wouldn't?
Silly_Girl Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 On its own, no. But the absence of a good quality sex life can be a serious drain on a relationship. It can be an indicator for a serious lack of intimacy between parties, which is usually destructive over time.
luvinthesun Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Is the quality of a couples sex life a good indicator of how healthy the relationship is as a whole? I'd say yes. I was in a horrible marriage and didn't even have sex for 9 months ... so yes- unless you can't have sex for medical reasons - and I ahve had that too becuase of pregnancy. BUT sometimes it can be one sided- like you CAN be having great sex and that person can be cheating- and you can satisfy their and your every need and they stiff cheat...
pink_sugar Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Hmm good question, I honestly think you need an emotional and physical connection equally to have a healthy relationship. If you're just having sex it could easily be casual sex and not necessarily define a healthy relationship.
KungFuJoe Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 The answer is a resounding NO. You can have sexual chemistry but not get along as a couple. My last gf...we would fight non stop...about every little thing. I honestly did not really like her as a "person". She was very stuck up and thought she was the #1 authority on everything. We once got in a huge fight over how to spell "bimmer" (she was WRONG, btw!! ). But, the sex was incredible and we had great chemistry, in bed. Funny...but near the end of the relationship where we agreed to just see each other for sex, we got along PERFECTLY!
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