k100danny Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, well she initiated it after an argument and a few days of not talking. weve had a few lets call it a day moments but this time it feels like she means it and im a bit devastated. she went travelling to italy for 3 months to work, I knew about this from our first date that she was going away for the summer. we were together almost 7 months when she left and i admit the week before she was going i kind of acted out. I felt bad she was leaving and i felt kind of abandoned. she said she wanted a life with me and she would never forgive herself if she didn;'t go which i can understand, This is the reason i didnt ask her to stay here. she said she would if i wanted her too and cried the day she was leaving saying she didnt know if it was what she wanted anymore. anyway i was kind of hurting when she left and when we talked on the phone i suppose i did make it kind of hard and was quite dismissive. I said i planned to go on a holiday this summer to see a few friends and i admit i said that basically because i felt she had left me so i was acting out. she said why don't you come to see me here in italy and i said " well you've gone and done what you want so I'm doing what i want" I admit i was acting out, i didn't feel needed and i felt alone. She said after this and how everytime she called i made it hard and made her feel guilty she knew it wouldnt be the same again. I tried to explain why i said it out of fear of losing her and acting out. Maybe this is an excuse, I admit i wasnt making it easy for her the longer she was away although supportive when she needed me. sending out things she needed and comforting her when she was homesick and crying saying it will be ok. I don't know if this is the true reason or if she has just realised she doesn't want to come home and live here, she said she wasn't happy before she left with work ect and was fed up but said she was happy with me she just needed to get away for the summer. her father had been diagnosed with cancer and she had gotten out of an abusive relationship around a year ago and she had given up travelling for this person so i think she kind of felt she had to do this no matter what she felt. should i try and explain and tell her how i feel. That i don't hate her and Im sorry or does this seem like an excuse to end it all and make me out to be the bad one?
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I hate to say it, but I think you've done enough damage. It's not like she moved away forever. She went overseas to work a job for only THREE MONTHS. By the time she got back, you guys wouldn't have even been together an entire year yet. It sounds like you might be a little insecure and too needy. I think you should let her go and move on and try to improve yourself. Whatever it takes to get yourself a lot of confidence and a higher self-esteem so you never have to get attention from someone else to make yourself happy.
Author k100danny Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I think you may be right. I was very secure in the relationship and i wasn't the jealous one although she ould be very jealous. but i did get jealous and wasn't sure how to deal with it when she went away/ I thought if she loves me and she's leaving what does that say? does it mean she isnt as commited, does it mean she doesnt love me? I have told her i want her to be happy and i truly mean that. I said before she went that she shouldnt come home for me she should come home because she wants to and if she decides she wants to stay and that she doesnt want to come home i would expect her to.
Author k100danny Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Yeah I think you are right. well i know it's hard to have a relationship with anxiety issues but this wasn't actually the reason this has happened. I have been in therapy for my panic attacks and panic disorder and that is getting slowly better. This seems to be a lot down to a couple of things. 1) me thinking because she left she doesn't value the relationship like I do and that she will leave and not come back. or realise she doesnt want to come home. 2) the fact I pushed her away being distant when she called and made her feel guilty about going. this was done out of fear and not because i don't want to be with her. maybe I'm making excuses and deep down i know i have to be happy in myself before I can be happy with another but I do really feel I love her and want to be with her. I have tried to look at it from all angles and iv'e definitely taken the bad and good into account too. The hardest part to deal with for me with this one is that I feel kind of used you know. Like i did try to make her happy I really did care and do what i thought was best for her and be there when she needed me and i feel it wasnt enough. I also feel kind of lied to because before she went I had said i don't know if it will work when you leave. I still want you to go as you've worked hard to go. she cried and said she wouldnt go if it meant losing me so even though i wasnt happy she was leaving i said dont worry it will be ok. and she asked if i would try and stay together because she wasnt happy breaking up. She said she wanted to travel and then come home and start a business and get a house ect in the future and i feel that was all a lie and i was filling time until she left. maybe how ive acted ha made her realise she doesnt want to come back for that or maybe she just didnt want the awkwardness of breaking up before she went and then when out of site and a few weeks were down the line she could just leave i dont know. Its hard to let go and I know that we all deserve to be truly happy and i do want her to be I just wish she was happy here with me.
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