AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Ok, me 21 and my girlfriend 20 have been going out for a year, and we rarely have fights have such strong love for each other . We've broke up once when her grandmother had past away for the reason of me not being there fro her when she needed me the most. I really love this girl and it was hard for me to let her go. I know it was my fault in the first place for being selfish wanting to be with her knowing she was grieving. i learned that mistake and wanted to prove i can change my ways (keep in mind shes not my first long term relationship i was in...) As 2 weeks past by, we talked as we were friends, but she broke down saying she doesnt want to lose me and decided to give me another chance. i was extremely happy and i didnt want to mess this up. We've reach a year and i took her out even through my financial problem we had a great time. She got me really thoughtful gifts and i felt me and her are perfect and thinking long term from here with her. Now to Breakup: So me and her are watching a movie at her place, and we were enjoying our time with each other. She then wants to use my phone to look up something and under my recently search there was "if had sex with ex" ( Note: I am her first boyfriend, and she wasn't comfortable with my past... and i had that looked up because i was reading other relationship forums and was HONESTLY reading the forum as an interesting topic and not the curiosity or thought of doing it) This got her fired up and i tried to explain to her that wasn't the case that i was cheating, though it was already bad in my case. I let her go through everything on that phone ( past text messages, facebook, skype ) to see if i was talking to anybody, most likely seeing if i still talk to my ex. she even texted my sis who was in close relations to my ex and my sis said there was nothing and told her i haven't talk to her long ever since... So pretty much she found NOTHING of me cheating, flirting or any of betraying her. I love her so much to do that or even the thought of, but then she found something that got her sooo mad. She found in my phone that i have personal pictures of her during are last skype session. She told me not to EVER take pics of her, and she found out i did... I know i lied and its my big mistake , and she felt the lost of respect and trust with me. This is the second time messed up after the first breakup. She was mad and wanted me to drive all the way to my place to see my computer and i allowed her to. And what she found was the pics and told me to delete all of them, and then she went through my web browsing history to see anything suspicious, but found nothing of me cheating or anything. After i tried to say sorry for everything and took her home... She said she cant be with me anymore, and saying how i take her for granted on everything she does for, I do a lot for her to like A LOT that i can, but i see my wrongs and was totally my fault for doing what i did and willing to change anything for what i learned, but she has had enough and cant keep feeling like **** so as i took her home i told her i love her and only her with a hug. She couldnt look at me or say anything, not even a hug back... all she did was cried and left to go inside her home. Now im on my 3rd day of NC ever since then, i miss her a lot because i love her so much its hard for me to do things. I feel like i lost her and want to be back with her, and really prove im changing. i have been making myself busy and going out with friends but the night are hard and cant stop thinking about her. My questions are: Should I hope that she will want to work things out ? Should I move on and learn from this ? Please need help
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 She broke up with me and change her status of my relationship with her on facebook
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I don't know. A few things sound fishy here. She sounds extremely insecure, and it sounds like you've been playing with fire a bit, which doesn't make a healthy combination. Why were you on a relationship forum? Also, why do you still Skype with your Ex? An Ex becomes an Ex for a reason and only under very specific circumstances should you really keep in contact with her. Maybe it's best that you two spend time apart right now.
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 i know she is insecure, and the skype session was way back and its "not"with my "ex" its with my girlfriend at the time . and i havnt talk to my ex at all Just wanted to clear things up Only talk/ skype with current girlfriend ( not the ex) and havnt talked to the ex for a long time
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 She's just really insecure. You don't want that in a relationship, trust me. Nothing you ever do or say will convince you that you're into her, and her insecurity is going to boil to the point where she's going to jump at the first person who actually starts to take an interest in her who isn't you. And you will be crushed. Trust me.
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I was afraid to hear something like that... I wish i can work something out with her, but i guess this it... I'll keep NC from her not for hoping for her to come back to me but to heal myself and move on I really regret what i did and that our relationship is over, i just wished it could be saved
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) The choice is yours whether or not you want to work things out with her, but you have to think if it's worth it getting into a relationship with someone who is that insecure. She will question everything you do, say, or don't do. No matter how much you tell her you love her or show her you love her she will never believe you because of her insecurity. Any female friend who posts on your wall will drive issues of insecurity in her. If you miss a call or two from her when you're busy, she'll start with the nagging questions and bring up "the other girl" in the conversation. Girls like that, I hate to say, don't care whom they receive attention from (as long as they're reasonably attractive). They just want that sort of attention from the opposite sex. Let's say you do get back with her and she doesn't resolve her insecurity issues. You think that you guys are okay, then one day she pulls a complete 180 on you and you have no idea why. Then you find out that some other guy who knows she is in a relationship and is only looking for sex started talking to her. Now she doesn't need you anymore and she goes with him. You will be totally crushed, and you'll ask her all kinds of questions and tell her how much you did really care and so on and so forth, and she'll probably say something like, "I gave up on you," and "I didn't know how much you really cared." After the guy sleeps with her a few times he'll cut her loose and she'll probably be crying to you about it. Or she'll move onto the next poor guy she's going to take advantage of. Ask yourself if that's worth it. Edited June 13, 2012 by Cyberpunk
jnuberjosh Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Im in a similar situation. My gf saw under me recent fb activity that i was following someone on zoosk, which is a dating site. I actually truly have no idea how it got there as I havent logged into the account in years.It actually said I was following a guy so that should show it was something odd. BUT...she had been cheated on in her past and didnt understand why I was even a member of a dating site. I tried to explain that I just lost track of the sites I had joined and just hadnt bothered with it. Of course she said she had heard all of that before. SHe said she had 100% trust in me before she saw that. But that that had hurt her very badly and she thought we couldnt recover from it, that things wouldnt be the same. She last text me on Sunday saying she was sorry that she hadnt wanted this. That she wanted to keep my number though..though she needed time to heal and feel better. I told her I would let her go and let her heal, but that I would be here for her. She deleted my pics and comments from her fb. I remain a friend though. she said she wanted to continue playine draw something with me via our phones...which at first i simply said "sure" but have not continued since monday. I am trying to avoid any contact with her...in two hopes...one...that maybe she will realize her mistake and come back...and for two...if she doesnt it can only help me down the road by not continuing to get a hold of her and have her continue to tell me things I dont want to hear...its very very hard though. I really loved her and felt we had a connection..she said she felt that too...I just dont know....sorry this is so long ...I wish you the best in the NC thing...im only on day three but it is so hard..
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I know what you mean and sortof understand the difference between a confident women and an insecure women, but i cant see her as the type to move on to the next guy hows interested in her. Shes very shy and i am her first boyfriend and first almost everything, i just dont like how this relationship was dropped, even though its my fault... I get advice from friends that they would be mad what i did but not the extent to leaving. Friends are saying its her lost, and she decided out. and people know im great and that im committed. From day 1 of her liking me she wasnt sure if she should tell me or if we would ever be together. She thought i was into more model type girls, but im not that swallow person as i love her personality and her being comfortable around me I knew she was an insecure person from start but i love her
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Shes very shy and i am her first boyfriend and first almost everything And there you go. How many more red flags do you need? Do you think a girl with insecurity issues wants to be with their first love forever, or try to get attention from as many men as she can get to help her get over her insecurity? Nothing you can do will change her insecurity, otherwise it would have already happened. You were the first guy who gave her all of the attention she really needed as a human. You don't think that she wouldn't be excited to receive that same sort of attention from someone knew? Maybe not the first guy, but somewhere along the line, she is going to start talking to another guy and she will leave you for him. You say you hate how the relationship ended now. Imagine how it's going to end that way. She is probably going to come back to you. Girls like that can't break-up with someone without having another person's arms to jump into. But it won't last, I promise you. I've been in your situation too many times before. My girlfriends were never content that I only wanted them. I've gotten all the "You only like those types of girls," or "I'm not good looking enough for you," comments, and all those relationships ended the same way--until they found attention from someone else.
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Its whole misunderstanding in your case, but she seems very insecure after what has happened in her past. I just wish they could see or read our minds that our intention is that we really love them and we could change and learn for the better. For the relationship to work out
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 And there you go. How many more red flags do you need? Do you think a girl with insecurity issues wants to be with their first love forever, or try to get attention from as many men as she can get to help her get over her insecurity? Nothing you can do will change her insecurity, otherwise it would have already happened. You were the first guy who gave her all of the attention she really needed as a human. You don't think that she wouldn't be excited to receive that same sort of attention from someone knew? Maybe not the first guy, but somewhere along the line, she is going to start talking to another guy and she will leave you for him. You say you hate how the relationship ended now. Imagine how it's going to end that way. She is probably going to come back to you. Girls like that can't break-up with someone without having another person's arms to jump into. But it won't last, I promise you. I've been in your situation too many times before. My girlfriends were never content that I only wanted them. I've gotten all the "You only like those types of girls," or "I'm not good looking enough for you," comments, and all those relationships ended the same way--until they found attention from someone else. So are you saying she was just waiting for a chance or something to occur to end everything and go into testing water with other potential guys?
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 They can't read our minds. If they could read our minds then we'd either be completely screwed or completely at their mercy. And it's not misunderstanding. I know how you want to make excuses for someone and you only want to listen to your heart. So here's my advice: Get back together with her. Watch how the relationship plays out. And once it ends and your heart is ripped out of your chest and you finally move on, take that as a lesson learned and never get involved with insecure girls again.
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 So are you saying she was just waiting for a chance or something to occur to end everything and go into testing water with other potential guys? Bingo. It sounds like she broke up with you for dumb reasons, like she's looking for any excuse to get out of the relationship.
jnuberjosh Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I know. Its so strange because just Friday we were sending texts that we miss each other...she wished me a good day at work, just normal texts like we always do..then friday night she saw that on my facebook and it blew up. said she would sleep on it and then friday texted me saying she couldnt get over it. that she was hurting too badly. I really dont know why she would be insecure besides that her husband cheated on her. she is absolutely beautiful and is a great mom to her kids, wonderful in every way. She had said that she wouldnt base our relationship on her relationships from the past tho. I gave her compliments...not too many but I would mention how beautiful she was and if shed mention she was chunky or something ( she def was not) I would reassure her. Its just so frustrating when we seemed so happy...all of us..even her kids.
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Bingo. It sounds like she broke up with you for dumb reasons, like she's looking for any excuse to get out of the relationship. I dont if she was waiting for something to leave, but she was so content and always wanted me around when i can, always tried my best getting her to work or dropping her home at night. When it is sometimes totally out of my way. Before she found about the lies ( pictures of her) she felt i really love her, but after getting caught and found it. She thinks I dont really love her... and that im taking for granted on everything to her. and now has no trust or feel no respect from me. and that is totally my downfall sorry for like defending myself and i really appreciate the replies as i am understanding and learning everyones opinions
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 It doesn't sound like you're defending yourself, but beating yourself up. You're letting this girl manipulate you into believing that you've done everything wrong, when you've admitted to yourself how well you treat her. And she can't see that because of some picture? Wake up, man. Look what you're letting this girl do to you.
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 It doesn't sound like you're defending yourself, but beating yourself up. You're letting this girl manipulate you into believing that you've done everything wrong, when you've admitted to yourself how well you treat her. And she can't see that because of some picture? Wake up, man. Look what you're letting this girl do to you. i guess but its not just any picture it was something for only me to see and i told her i wouldn't take any screenshots of her and promised i wouldn't , but i lied and i did take screenshots and it hurt her to point of ending it ...
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Okay, now I'm confused. You said that this was a girl you talked to before you got together with your girlfriend, and now apparently you were Skyping with this girl while you were in a relationship with her?
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Okay, now I'm confused. You said that this was a girl you talked to before you got together with your girlfriend, and now apparently you were Skyping with this girl while you were in a relationship with her? No okay i havnt skype at all with my that girl (ex) or any relation with her. I only skype with my girlfriend , and have took private screenshots of her. Only her and she felt uncomfortable that i took pictures of her knowing i promised i would'nt to that
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I see. So you promised your girlfriend that you wouldn't take a picture of her, but you did. I can understand her getting mad at you for breaking a promise, but breaking up with you over the fact that you have a picture of her in your phone? And you don't think that sounds a little fishy?
Author AdrS Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 I see. So you promised your girlfriend that you wouldn't take a picture of her, but you did. I can understand her getting mad at you for breaking a promise, but breaking up with you over the fact that you have a picture of her in your phone? And you don't think that sounds a little fishy? I dont about it being fishy but the first time we broke up and then repaired and got back together i said i wouldn't make her feel like **** but after this i just did that. I dont think it feels fishy but believe she needs time for herself to heal and not get hurt again. I do think a possibility of feeling interest of other guys but i dont think she will jump at any opportunity she gets. Shes smart and knows better and right now being with me isnt what she wants to go through right now after feeling no trust or respect with me
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 It sounds like you are both too immature for the relationship, honestly. Good luck to you.
Chi townD Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Well, your first problem was having that sleeping with your Ex thing on there. Red flag in her mind. BUT...you biggest problem is that you took some pictures of her that she asked you not to take. For a girl to do something that intimate and leaving herself vulnerable; yet trusting you and you didn't respect the boundries that she set for you is a HUGE breach of her trust. Whatever she was doing for you on webcam (whether it was stripping for you or doing a sexy dance) it was meant for you and you alone. Now, she found the screenshots and she thinks that you've been showing them to everyone in the country. And you can tell her that you haven't shown them to anyone, but she won't believe you. Right now, she has no reason to believe you. For a girl to leave herself vulnerable to share something intimate with you is something that you should have respected and cherished. She trusted you with her vulnerability and boundries. You broke your promises to her. Dude, I think you screwed up majorly. I'm sorry to say, I don't think you can win her back on this one. Give her time to cool off. In the mean time, go NC. If she wants to talk, she'll approach you.
Author AdrS Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 I know i messed up ... She called me and text me today after 3 days of NC. I gave later responses as i was busy... She then calls again and eventually we talked nothing near about the break up just casual talking and whats going on. and then i ended it as i had something to do and told her goodnight and we hung up on a good note but wants to meet tomorrow Whats you say on this? She seemed sad that i had to go and get off the phone... Does she want to meet me for closure or just emotional support on the break up ? or You think theres a slight chance she wants to works things out ?
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